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Christian Politeness 



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REV. M. M. GEREND 

president of St. John's Insiitiite 
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Politeness has been well defined as benevolence in small 
things. It is the slow fruit of advanced reflection; it is a sort 
of humanity and kindliness applied to small acts and everyday 
intercourse; it bids man soften towards others, and forget him- 
self for the sake of others; it constrains genuine nature^ which 
is selfish and gross. IV s the flower of humanity. 

- THE FL OR A L A POS TLBS. 

"Ease in your mien, and sweetness in your face. 
You speak a siren, and you move a grace; 
Nor time shall urge these beauties to decay, 
While virtue gives what years shall steal away.'"* 

-TICK ELL. 



This work 
is 



Lovingly Dedicated 

To the Deaf -Mutes at St. John's Institute (for whose 
benefit it is also published) 

B Y THE A UTHOR. 



CHRIST I TIN 
POLITENESS 



CONTENTS. 



Chapter Page 

Introduction, 9 

I. Cl^KANUNiCSS, . . . . . . . 39 

II. C1.0THING, 51 

III. Deportment, 59 

IV. SAI.UTAT10NS 86 

V. Visits, loi 

VI. Conversation, 125 

VII. MEAI^S, . 159 

VIII, In Church, 195 

IX. In §chooi., 228 

X. AT PI.AY, 249 

XI. On Journeys, . . . . . . 254 

XII. Conduct as Guest, 262 

XIII. Letters, 268 

XIV. In Conclusion, 294 




THE education of youth, in our day, appears to 
concern itself very little with the matter of 
good manners. The rising generation seems to be 
growing up with a great lack of good breeding. If 
some of our educational institutions would cut out a 
study or two from among those not strictly neces- 
sary, and substitute in their stead a course of in- 
struction upon courtesy and politeness, the change 
would prove beneficial." — From Editorial Notes in 
"Light," of New Orleans, for October, 1901. 

The present treatise was compiled to help, in 
part, to supply the lack referred to above. But, 
whilst laying down the rules of etiquette to be ob- 
served by students in colleges and academies, we 
have not forgotten the children and the older folks. 
In fact, the rules of politeness are essentially the 



10 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

same for all. The subject is certainly timely, and 
the practical knowledge of it will always be useful. 
As order is a prime requisite in every study, we 
will first consider the principles that underlie Po- 
liteness and on which it naturally rests; then we 
will examine the Preliminary Conditions required 
by politeness in regard tO' cleanliness of body, to 
clothing, and to deportment; and finally we will 
treat of the Rules or Laws that should guide the 
actions of men in the various circumstances of daily 
life: in salutations, visits, conversations; at table, in 
church, in school, at play, etc. 



I. 

IN WHAT POLITENESS CONSISTS. 

Cardinal Manning gives this description of a 
gentleman: 

''He is one who is mainly occupied in removing 
the obstacles which hinder the free and unembar- 
rassed action of those about him, and he concurs 
with their movements rather than takes the initia- 
tive himself. He carefully avoids whatever may 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 



cause a jar or a jolt in the minds of those with 
whom he is cast." 

Cardinal Newman says: 

"It is almost the definition of a gentleman to say 
that he is one who never inflicts pain. He carefully 
avoids all clashing of opinion or collision of feel- 
ing, all restraint, or suspicion, or gloom, or resent- 
ment; his greatest concern being to make every one 
at ease and at home. 

''He has his eyes on all his company; he is ten- 
der toward the bashful, gentle toward the distant, 
and merciful toward the absurd. 

"He can recollect to whom he is speaking; he 
guards against unseasonable allusions or topics 
which may irritate, he is seldom prominent in con- 
versation, and never wearisome. 

"He makes light of favors when he does them, 
and seems to be receiving when conferring. 

"He never speaks of himself except when com- 
pelled, and never defends himself by a mere retort; 
he has no ears for slander or gossip, is scrupulous 
in imputing motives to those who interfere with 
him, and interprets everything for the best. 

"He is never mean or little in his disputes, never 
takes unfair advantage, never mistakes personali- 



12 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

ties or sharp sayings for arguments, nor insinuates 

evil which he dares not say out." 

The words of an Italian poet are appropriate 

here : 

Convien ch'ovunque sia, sempre cortese 
Sia un cor gentil, ch'esser mon puo altrimenti; 
Che per natura e per abito prese 
Quel che di mutar poi non e possente 
Convien ch'ovunque sia, sempre palese 
Un cor villan si mostri similmente. 
Natura inchina al male; e viene a farsi 
L'abito poi difficile a mutarsi.— Ariosto. 

''It is in the nature of things that wherever there 
is a genteel heart, it will always be courteous, be- 
cause it cannot be otherwise; for by nature and by 
habit it has assumed that which it is not able after- 
wards to change. It is likewise natural that wher- 
ever a base heart may be, it shall always show it- 
self similarly. Nature inclines tO' evil; and habit 
once formed is afterwards hard to change. 

In the passages here quoted we have descriptions 
of Politeness; but now let us come tO' a definition. 
What, then, is Politeness? 

Politeness is the outward manifestation of the 
kindly disposition that each individual entertains to- 
wards all others. 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 



Politeness therefore does not consist in certain 
graceful bows and movements, nor in amiable and 
flattering expressions or silly or cringing acts by 
means of which we seek the favor of our fellows: 
true Politeness is the expression of genuine kind- 
ness of heart. It is from within, and is founded on 
that sentence, which is the dictate of Christianity 
as well as of the natural law: "All things whatso- 
ever you would that men should do to you, do you 
also to them," — Matt., vii, 12. 

The polite person will therefore meet his fellow- 
men in a civil and friendly manner; he will show 
esteem and appreciation of them by word and deed; 
will not annoy them and hurt their feelings, but will 
do them a kind turn when it is in his power; he will 
be ready to forget himself and his own merits in 
favor of others; he will give up his own opinion 
and sacrifice his own convenience for the sake of 
others. In short, he will treat all with whom he 
has dealings in such a way that they will be both 
pleased and edified. The gentleman Saint, St. Fran- 
cis de Sales, is a perfect model to study. 

From the view of politeness here presented we 
draw the following conclusions: 

I. Politeness is in reality modesty and humility, 



14 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

self-control and self-sacrifice, and in the full sense 
of the word, Christian .Charity. It is therefore the 
fruit of Christian Virtue. St. Thomas calls it: De- 
cor honestatis, the finishing touch of honorableness. 
Other writers give it other names. Le parfum de 
I'humilite et de la charite, the good odor of humil- 
ity and of charity; La fleur de I'humanite, the 
bloom of manhood, etc. 

2. Religious people, whose moral being is un- 
tainted by vice, are as a rule polite, because they 
practice the virtues named. Do we not all know 
certain simple families of genuine Christians who 
may never have heard of the laws of politeness, yet 
who act as correctly as if they knew them all? Bish- 
op Dupanloup, in his master work on Education, 
writes: 

"In rural districts and in the regions of the Alps 
I have met people whO' showed greater dignity and 
more charming politeness than many dwellers in 
cities. Those good peasants acted with a harmless 
unconstraint and a charming reserve, free from un^ 
becoming holdness 'and fi^om painful embarrass- 
ment; they were upright, simple, good, kindly, res- 
pectful, obliging." 

Similar testimony is borne to the peasantry ot 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 15 

Ireland. I need hardly speak of their hospitality, 
which is proverbial throughout the world. Let the 
following brief sketch illustrate the point under 
consideration. 

In the early part of the nineteenth century, when 
facilities for travel were few and expensive, in Ire- 
land, a i)Oor boy from sunny Italy named Bianconi 
landed on the shores of the Emerald Isle. After a 
time the stranger acquired the means of establish- 
ing a line of cars, and as his venture prospered, he 
had lines crossing the country in various directions. 
From the first he instructed his drivers never to re- 
fuse a free ride to a poor person, man or woman, boy 
or girl, because, as he loved to relate, many a lime 
as he trudged along with his peddler's pack on his 
shoulders, footsore and discouraged^ he was cheer- 
ily invited to a seat in some country wagon, and the 
hearty words and pleasant jokes of the poor coun- 
trymen cheered his drooping spirits and sent him 
on his way with new courage. His cars were called 
Bianconies. Those peasants showed the qualities 
that make true gentlemen, and Bianconi was a gen- 
tleman in knowing how to appreciate the kindness 
shown him. 

A virtuous person can hardly fail to be polite. 



i6 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

If he should at times miss the conventional form, 
he will hit upon one of his own which will make 
you forget that anything was lacking. 

For a similar reason those who were at one time 
remarkable for rudeness and ill manners, when they 
become true converts, are usually so changed in 
their demeanor, that it is easily seen that a radical 
change has taken place in them, and the nobler 
qualities of their nature begin to manifest them- 
selves. 

3. Like the Christian virtues from which it flows 
and of which it is the outward expression, polite- 
ness should be observed always, everywhere, and 
under all circumstances. 

Therefore: 

i. Even towards those who treat us rudely we 
must be polite. A friendly word will sometimes 
touch a rough individual and make a great change 
in him for the better. 

ii. In disputes, discussions, when giving admon- 
itions or punishments, we should not lay politeness 
aside. The more serious and polite our w^ords are, 
the deeper they will sink. 

iii. Of course we must avoid all that is exagger- 
ated, silly, effeminate, but we can hardly be too po- 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 



lite. Real virtue will enable us to keep within the 
proper bounds. 

iv. Finally, it follows that superiors, the rich, the 
learned, do not compromise themselves by the 
kindness which they show the poor or their infer- 
iors. Kindness is becoming in people of eminence. 
Noblesse oblige. Attention in this matter narrows 
the gulf that separates the rich and the poor, em- 
ployers and employees. 



11. 

WHY SHOULD WE BE POLITE? 

Politeness has many advantages. La Bruyere 
says: 

"One must be possessed of eminent qualities to 
maintain one's self at the top without politeness." 

Politeness includes in itself all those social qual- 
ities that make us agreeable and useful to our fel- 
low men. It is indispensable in social intercourse 
and in the daily transactions of life. Without polite- 
ness it would be almost impossible to carry on such 
a lasting intercourse with others as would not de- 
generate into force or violence. It smoothes the 



1 8 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

temper, is a check upon anger, prevents quarrels 
and disputes, calms excitement, overcomes hatred. 
It supplies the place of kindness of heart if that 
should be lacking. It gains us the love of super- 
iors and the esteem of equals and inferiors. In 
superiors it is a mark of real superiority and an 
effective means to accustom inferiors to proper de- 
portment. It would be impossible to enumerate 
all the advantages of politeness. Four of them de- 
serve to be treated of more fully. Their consider- 
ation ought to give a new impulse to the study of 
this branch of education. 

I. Politeness gives the final polish to education. 

By earnest study the scholar forms his mind; by 
the practice of piety, charity, and purity he adorns 
his heart; by constant self-denial he strengthens his 
character. But this is not enough. With virtue, 
talents, and good morals, he might still be intol- 
erable. Interior refinement needs a corresponding 
exterior development and expression. It is true 
that the formation of the mind, the heart, the char- 
acter, is the principal thing and gives man his in- 
trinsic worth, his true value. But the exterior must 
correspond with the interior to secure its proper 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 19 

recognition. In this consists the work of polite- 
ness. 

Without it the educated man is hke the rough 
diamond. The stone is vakiable; but as it lacks its 
full brilliancy, it is not agreeable to the sight and 
does not readily sell. When it is cut and polished, 
then it shines and sparkles and is admired and ea- 
gerly sought after. 

What cutting is to the diamond, the practice of 
politeness is to the educated man. It gives him 
the finishing touch, refinement, polish. Its very 
derivation from the same root as polish signifies its 
ofBce of removing what is rough, uncouth, repul- 
sive, from one's conduct and bearing. 

But however important politeness is, we must not 
fall into the mistake of placing it too high and con- 
sidering it as the main thing. Superficial people 
might persuade themselves that education and re- 
finement consist in a pleasing and decorous car- 
riage, and they are more anxious to see that the 
young know how^ to move in society in the best 
style than to have them solid in their studies, pure 
in morals, and strong in virtue. The essence of 
education does and must consist in the interior de- 
velopment; politeness is only the outward form, the 



20 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

reflections of those lofty characteristics which true 
education plants, develops, and cultivates in the 
soul. 

Education is incomplete when the outward forrn 
is wanting; but the outward form without the in- 
ward training, without learning and virtue, is hollow 
and worthless, a deceitful appearance which calls 
to mind the sepulchres mentioned in the Gospel, 
"which outwardly appear to men beautiful, but 
within are full of dead men's bones and of all filth- 
iness." There is reason to fear that the terrible re- 
proach which Our Saviour made to the doctors of 
the law and the Pharisees may also apply to those 
vain and pretentious beings who have only the ap- 
pearance of being educated without the reality. 

2. Politeness secures to the young man or the 
young woman the confidence of those amongst 
whom they live. 

The good and virtuous soul wins the love and 
confidence of men: the bad and vicious, on the con- 
trary, provokes repugnance and distrust. Now, 
what is politeness but the expression of a good and 
virtuous soul? The soul is mirrored forth in a per- 
son's words and actions. The gentle spark that 
lights the eye of the little child reveals its pure soul. 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 



The speech that falls so gently on our ear tells us 
that the speaker is one who has his passions under 
control. 

WJien a man's carriage is dignified, when his 
manners are polished, when he is amiable and oblig- 
ing towards his neighbor, gentle aiid considerate in 
speech; when he avoids whatever is calculated to 
annoy and provoke others, and, on the contrary, 
seeks to please — in a word, when he is polite — he 
shows thereby a soul that is overflowing with 
charity. 

But if he is rough and unpolished in his actions, 
regardless of others, haughty in speech; if he has 
what Montaigne calls la vilet^ de I'apparence; 
if he is impolite — he manifests that he has a proud, 
hateful, jealous soul. A person of the former char- 
acter attracts, and the latter repels. That man will 
make his way through the world; with him people 
are in sympathy and his undertakings succeed. The 
other man repels; he has pronounced his own 
doom; he will meet with coldness and indifference, 
if not with hatred and contempt. The poet has 
reason to say: 

La politesse est a I'esprit 
Ce que la grace est au visage, 
De la bonte du coeur elle est la douce image, 

Et c' est la bonte qu'on cherit. 



22 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

'Toliteness is to the mind what grace is to the 
countenance; of the goodness of the heart it is the 
sweet image, and it is goodness that is cherished." 

Hence when someone is chosen as arbitrator in 
a dispute, or to treat of important affairs, or for the 
post of ambassador, diplomat, consul, or plenipo- 
tentiary to a foreign government or court, a person 
is usually chosen who is distinguished for his tact 
and delicacy in the treatment of affairs. Let us 
give a couple of examples. 

A diplomat who enjoyed a considerable reputa- 
tion in the political world tells us in his Memoirs 
that at the beginning of his career, when he was 
appointed an attach^ to an embassy, he was making 
his farwell visit to Count C, and he asked the 
Count for some good advice in his new position. 
The Count thereupon answered: 

''Men and things are constantly changing. You, 
my dear sir, are still young. Be a good Hstener, 
reflect much, but above all things be polite." 

The answer was so brief that the young man ven- 
tured to ask other questions, but the Count only 
repeated: 

''Be polite. The polished gentleman overcomes 
many difficulties." 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 23 

The young attache went away with the impres- 
sion that the aged Count was growing feeble-mind- 
ed. ''But later," he added, "I had frequent oppor- 
tunities to convince myself that in my dealings with 
men the maxim of the Count, Be polite, is every- 
thing." 

How often, in fact, does a slight breach of polite- 
ness sufiice to defeat the most important measures, 
nay, even to bring on sanguinary wars! 

Towards the end of the Thirty Years' War the 
representatives of the European powers were assem- 
bled in Miinster to settle the terms of peace. The 
negotiations were progressing favorably when they 
were brought to a standstill, which caused the ter- 
rible war to go on for six months longer. 

Contarini, the ambassador of Venice, had made 
his official call on the Count d' Avaux, the French 
ambassador, who accompanied him only to the head 
of the stairs. The Venitian was so provoked be- 
cause the Frenchman would not conduct liim to the 
door, as the etiquette of the occasion required, that 
he departed by the next post and reported the af- 
front to his government. The proud republic de- 
cided not to send its ambassador back to the con- 



24 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

gress until the question of a satisfactory reparation 
to him had been settled. 

What is said here of politeness and impoliteness 
in high circles applies in due proportion in the in- 
tercourse of ordinary life. Everybody loves the 
genteel and complaisant man^ gives him his con- 
fidence, applauds his sayings and doings, and is 
ready to subject himself to his influence. 

But here let it be said: it is only genuine polite- 
ness, namely, such as in reality the expression of a 
good and kind heart, that produces these effects. 
It may happen that a man with a corrupt heart is 
polite and gains influence. Such a man's politeness 
is either hypocritical or sincere. If he assumes it 
hypocritically, he may be able to keep it up for a 
time, but he cannot do it always. Sooner or later, 
when he is off his guard, the evil that is in him will 
be seen and he will be unmasked. Far from hold- 
ing the good opinion of those whom he had de • 
ceived, his* assumed politeness will cause them dis- 
gust and aversion. 

But if he is sincere, and if by his politeness he 
succeeds in concealing his bad heart and in winning 
the confidence of others, this should make us all 
the more earnest in striving to be polite. If polite- 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 25 

ness can serve as a cloak to a bad heart and is able 
to gain credit and respect for a corrupt man, whilst 
the strictest good conduct without politeness is 
often regarded with indifference or even with con- 
tempt, what will not be the impression when it sets 
off a pure and ingenious soul! 

3. Politeness is a constant exercise of virtue. 

Considered in its true light, as we have said more 
than once, politeness rests upon certain virtues: i. 
Distrust of self, or humility and modesty; 2. Self- 
control, or the ^^ubjection of the body to the soul; 
3. Respect and charity towards our neighbor, es- 
pecially towards superiors. 

i. If a young person lays claim to be polite, he 
nnist not be proud and haughty, he must not be 
full of self. This would provoke general condemna- 
tion. He must rather deny himself, often keep in 
the background, be ready to listen in silence, even 
when he has something to say that is worth listen- 
ing to. 

His speech must not be harsh and offensive, nor 
must it be boastful and dictatorial. His bearing 
should not be defiant, imperious, andn^egardless of 
others, but calm, simple, modest, retiring. He 
should never withhold from his neighbor those 



26 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

marks of respect that are his due, and in dress he 
must not go beyond his means, etc. Now the de- 
portment of which we here speak is possible only 
to those W'ho are modest and humble and in pro- 
portion to their modesty and humility. 

ii. In the duty of self-control and of keeping 
the body in due subjection, we include all that re^ 
fers to a person's carriage, clothing, cleanliness, 
^rder, etc. St. Augustin's definition of man is Ani~ 
ma corpore utens, "A soul making use of a body." 
The French philosopher de Ronald explains these 
words by saying that they clearly point out the 
relationship existing between the body and the 
soul. The soul should act as mistress, and the body 
should be made to obey. 

This covers nearly all that is to be said in regard 
to politeness. The body, which is the slave, must 
not direct the soul, which is the mistress; his place is 
to obey. He should be made to feel the conscious- 
ness of his subordinate position that he may not go 
beyond it and may conduct himself properly to- 
wards his mistress. For instance, he must not let 
himself be carried away by his appetite and must 
not eat or drink too much or too greedily. He 
must always present himself in becoming posture: 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 27 

not careless and slovenly, but decent, erect in walk- 
ing, standing, sitting, kneeling, etc. Thus it will 
cost many a battle to reduce the body into subjec- 
tion to the soul and make it observe the laws of 
politeness. 

3. Good manners require us to observe certain 
regards for our neighbor, especially when age, of- 
fice, or services give him a claim; for instance: wc 
should salute him on meeting, visit him on certain 
occasions, do him little services, show him marks of 
respect, speak to him, write to him, etc. Not sel- 
dom it may become necessary for the sake 'of others 
to give up some favorite amusement or convenience 
or to renounce our own will. And what is all this 
but the practice of fraternal charity? 

Politeness is therefore in the full sense of the word 
the exercise of virtue. And thus it is constantly 
demanding of us vigilance, self-control, mortifica- 
tion, sacrifice, war. This very fact gives it value and 
makes it of great importance in education. 

The young' person who from liis early years has 
taken pains to learn to carry himself properly and 
to acquire elegant manners is preparing for him- 
self by this continuous sacrifice a rich supply of 
graces for this life and merit for heaven, — provided 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 



he goes through these practices in the spirit of 
kith. His Hfe is an uninterrupted practice of vir- 
tue, and brings him those fruits that virtue usually 
produces: amongst them a feeling of contentment, 
and a recollection that helps in study and prayer. 

The constant efifort required in the exercise of 
politeness is a great help in strengthening the char- 
acter. Every act of politeness is a victory of the 
soul over the body. Multiplied acts form a habit. 
But when you have been accustomed to victory 
you feel your strength, your character becomes 
solid, and thus you are enabled to withstand many 
temptations. 

It might be objected: Marks of politeness are a 
superficial, outward ceremonial without inward 
worth or substance; there is nothing in common be- 
tween them and virtue, and therefore they deserve 
no special attention. 

This is a groundless assertion. Even if the 
smooth ways of one or another individual be only 
deception and hypocrisy, outward form and deceit, 
politeness is not on that account to be cast aside. 
On the contrary, it should be all the more jealously 
striven for. Hypocrites do not try to imitate the 
w^orst, but the best. When they take so much 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 29 

pains to put on the appearance of politeness, how 
excellent and how commendable it must be? 

4. Politeness is a defence against vice. 

You may have seen a deep, yav.ning precipice 
beside a road. To prevent travellers from falling 
over it, the people of the neighborhood erect a bar- 
rier or railing, which serves as a warning and a 
guard to the passer-by. This railing may not, in- 
deed, be such a protection as will hinder all acci- 
dents, but it is sufficient for those that will make 
use of it. 

What the barrier is to the precipice, politeness 
is in many cases towards vice, a barrier. There are 
educated people to whom religion is no protection 
against their passions, because they have no relig- 
ion; who draw no strength from the sacraments, 
because they do not receive them; who are not 
moved nor terrified by the word of God, to which 
they never listen. Yet they are sometimes irre- 
proachable in their external conduct, and in this 
matter they might be proposed as models to some 
Christians. 

What is the cause of this? Their refinement ^f 
tone keeps them out of many dangerous occasions 



30 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

of sin, and it places a certain check on the grosser 
outbreaks of sensuality. 

From what has been said the importance of po- 
liteness may be seen. If it is able to keep the un- 
believing but honorable man of the world from dis- 
graceful actions, what an influence should it not 
have on the unspoiled Christian youth and maiden^ 
who are nobly striving after virtue and perfection! 
It increases in them the horror of all that is ignoble, 
gives dignity to their deportment, strengthens 
them in virtue, gives a finish to their virtues, and 
secures them the respect of all. 



III. 

WHAT SHALL WE DO TO BECOME 
POLITE? 

To become pohte we must 

I. Remove the causes of impoliteness and rude- 
ness. 

Since politeness is the offspring of several vir- 
tues, impoliteness is generally the result of one or 
more bad habits. A person fails to be obliging be- 
cause he is intent upon his own comfort, and in his 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 31 

care of self he does not consider others. He acts 
arrogantly and presumptuously, because he expects 
great deference to be paid to him and begrudges 
any to others. He is rough and uncouth, because 
he is careless and lazy, suspicious and sly, jealous 
and malicious. 

Shut off the spring and the brook ceases to flow, 
bridle the passions, and impoliteness dissapears of 
itself. He, therefore, that ^Yishes to become really 
polite, must wage an earnest and protracted war 
against selfishness and pride, envy and malevolence, 
sloth and love of ease, sensuality and immoderate 
desires of enjoyment. By this means he will have 
plucked up impoHteness by the roots and at the 
same time w-ill have planted the germs of virtue in 
his soul, whose pleasing growth manifests itself in 
politeness. 

2. Learn the rules of Politeness. 

There are two classes of rules of politeness. The 
first and fundamental rules are practical deductions 
from Christian ethics. Hence the great book of 
politeness is that wherein we learn Christian moral- 
ity and virtue: the Gospel; and the best school in 
which the lessons of this book are taught is: the 
Catholic Church. 



32 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

The fundamental law is the law of love: Thou 
shalt love the Lord thy God above all things, and 
thy neighbor as thyself. He therefore that knows 
his religion well knows also the chief prescriptions 
of politeness. 

The other, or special rules, although in their es- 
sence flowing from this source, have somewhat the 
character of a social contract, and vary in some of 
their details according to country, social standing, 
age and sex. 

It w^ould be a great mistake for an educated man 
or woman to be ignorant of these rules, at least in 
their most important points, and to put them aside 
as trifles. Men were created to live in society, and 
therefore also to make themselves mutually agree- 
able, to instruct and help one another, and to 
smooth for one another the asperitie3 of life. Who- 
ever, therefore, will not follow the universally pre- 
scribed customs, Avould make himself singular and 
would produce a discord in society, w^ould expose 
himself to be judged unfavorably and treated un- 
civilly; it would be hard, if not impossible for him 
to perform all the duties of his vocation. 

Let it not be objected: Politeness is a result of 
natural aptitude, of goodness of heart, sound judg- 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 33 

ment and tact, and consequently no special rules of 
politeness are required. 

These natural qualities may enable us to treat our 
neighbor kindly and considerately, to honor merit 
duly, to seize upon the proper moment to take our 
leave so as not to trespass on the time of others. 
Still, the rules of politeness are not therefore un- 
necessary. 

A good heart, knowledge of men, and tact, are 
such unusual talents that they are not often found 
singly in any person, still less all united in one in- 
dividual. Moreover, even the best natural quali- 
fications will fail, without the help of others, to dis- 
cover many of the positive rules of politeness. 

One thing is certain, namely that, just as in pur- 
suing any line of studies, when to the natural ca- 
pacity there is added a thorough and practical 
course, the pupil is surer, more correct, more per- 
fect in his work. Hence an educated youth or 
maiden cannot well dispense with a knowledge of 
the rules of politeness. 

But how is a person to learn these rules and 
laws? 

i. In the first place, take counsel of experienced 
friends who are versed in the wavs of the world. 



34 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

and follow their example as far as it may be ad- 
visable. 

ii. Listen to the remarks and counsels of super- 
iors, to their warnings and corrections; opportun- 
ities for this will often present themselves. A stu- 
dent who bears in mind the words of his parents 
and teachers and conscientiously attends to them 
will hardly go astray in matters of politeness. 

iii. Seek instruction from reliable books pre- 
pared for this purpose and written in a Christian 
spirit. The educated will carefully read such a book, 
at least once in his life, and will occasionally refer 
to it, especially in cases of doubt. 

iv. The volume which we here offer you is in- 
tended to set before you the most indespensable 
of these rules and to be a help to you in following . 
them. We do not claim that our statement of these 
rules is complete, for it would be difficult to reduce 
to writing all the prescriptions of the world in our 
day in regard to comportment; these rules of con- 
duct sometimes descend to ridiculous trifles, which 
it would be out of place to set before serious people. 

But what we do propose to our readers is sufid- 
cient, we think, to give a fair grasp of the pre- 
scribed forms, as well as of the principles on which 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 35 

they are based, and will enable them to draw their 
own deductions. If you should ever find yourseli 
in a predicament in which you can hardly see how 
to apply the rules, you will at least have in them a 
suggestion from w^hich, either by yourself^ or with 
the advice of someone of more experience, you can 
find your way safely to do what is best under 
the circumstances. 

3. Accustom One's Self to Proper Deportment 
and Politeness. 

One becomes polite only by acts frequently re- 
peated. You should therefore let no opportunity 
pass, no day go by, without exercising yourself in 
politeness. Nulla dies sine linea. The earlier in 
life this practice begins the better it will be. If one 
should wait until all kinds of bad and awkward 
habits are formed, it would be hard to get rid of 
them and to substitute others and correct habits in 
their stead. 

Parents should therefore watch over their child- 
ren to form them to good behavior, often call their 
attention to the subject, and insist on the obser- 
vance of what they prescribe. They should correct 
any faults they may observe; and, above all, they 
should themselves give good example. The polite 



36 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

behavior which the child so easily learns in his early 
years will grow up with him and will take deep root 
until it forms a part of his nature. 

Those children are easily recognized in life who 
learned at their mother's knees to act with pro- 
priety. They are freer and more natural in their 
movements, more refined in their manners, more 
engaging in speech, than those who' began later in 
life. The earUer you begin, the more easily and 
perfectly you will learn. 

When you afterwards go to school^ to college, or 
to the academy, you must continue to practice what 
you learned at home, and to increase the amount 
of your practical knowledge. You may have faults 
to correct, and you have tO' grow more manly or 
womanly in your manners. The demands of so- 
ciety in regard to deportment are many. More- 
over, you will meet with many obstacles in your 
undertaking; your own education at home may 
have been faulty, your character may need mould- 
ing, you may meet with reckless companions who 
glory in their rough ways, and who will try to get 
you to follow^ them. You will need to bring all 
your strength of character into play that you may 
succeed. 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 37 

Therefore set to work courageously^ be ever on 
the watch OAxr your senses, your movements, your 
goings and comings, your words and actions. Fol- 
low conscientiously the suggestions of your supe- 
riors and heed their admonitions. Practice every 
point, even though it may seem to you trivial, once, 
twice, ten times, a hundred times, until use has 
made it come natural to you. 

Since you are still young and your will is yet 
pliable, since bad habits, if any, have not taken deep 
root in you and you still have at heart a strong im- 
pulse to what is high and noble — Excelsior — you 
cannot fail. Good manners are easily formed and 
take root, and politeness, which gives a polish to 
your deportment, wall be attained. 

Here we have laid before you the essence of po- 
liteness; we have also shown you the motives that 
should impel you, and the means you are to employ 
to become polite. It is said of the ancient Romans 
that they recognized their gods by their walk 
when those divinities appeared upon earth. Incessu 
patuit dea. So should it be with you. Let it be 
seen by your deportment in church, in the school, 
at home, on the street, in company, in conversa- 
tion, at prayers, by the firmness of your step, the 



38 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

modesty of your demeanor, the polish of your man- 
ners, the amiability of your discourse, that you 
have received a liberal education. 




CLEANLINESS. 



/^^LEANLINESS of person is indispensable to 
^■^ anyone that lays claim to propriety and educa- 
tion. It usually accompanies a clean mind, is ahvays 
expected; its absence is considered disgraceful, and 
it has much to do with health. Physicians recom- 
mend it earnestly as a protection against sickness 
and a help to recovery. The want of cleanliness, on 
the other hand, shows a lack of that respect and 
honor which are due to one's self and to others, and 
causes our neighbor to be disgusted and to avoid us. 
I. The best means to preserve cleanliness of 

body is to make frequent use of fresh water and 

39 



40 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

soap. Therefore, besides using the bath, we should 
take notice of: 

i. The face. Wash your face every day. The 
face is the noblest part of the body and the mirror 
of the soul. Now the cleaner and brighter a mir- 
ror is, the better is the picture that it reflects. 

ii. The neck. Lack of cleanliness of the neck 
is readily noticed, and makes an unfavorable im- 
pression. It is advisable to give it a thorough 
washing every day, especially as cold water hardens 
the skin, strengthens the nerves, and thus is a 
safeguard against many diseases of the throat. 

iii. The ears. On account of their numerous 
folds the ears need particular care and should be 
thoroughly washed. The wax which sometimes 
gathers in them interferes with the hearing. In 
company, never put your finger in your ears to 
clean them. 

iv. The hands, which are used in all kinds of 
work, will attract attention if they are not clean. 
They should therefore be washed every morning, 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 



and, if necessary, several times a day. This point 
is more urgent in winter, when the skin becomes 
dry and the fine dust arising from lamps and stoves 
works its way into the pores. We should be es- 
pecially careful against ink stains. 

V. The nails require attention. They should not 
be allowed to grow long, neither should they be 
cut too short, but trimmed from time to time in 
the round shape that is natural to them, and they 
should be cleaned every day. Some have the ugly 
habit of gnawing and biting them off, which should 
be avoided. The trimming and cleaning of them 
should never be done in the presence of others, at 
table, in the church or school^ etc. This practice, 
though common, is entirely against good breeding. 

2. The teeth should be cleaned every morning. 
A soft brush is preferable, since a hard one may 
tear away the gums. In cleaning them, the inside 
and top should not be neglected. Proper attention 
to the teeth will diminish or prevent that bad odor 



42 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

from the breath which is so offensive. A quill 
toothpick is preferable to wood or metal. 

Here I may be permitted to mention a remark 
made by a friend of mine to the pupils of an acad- 
emy of which he was chaplain, as his remark con- 
tains a lesson. After a mass at which the girls re- 
ceived communion, the priest to whom I refer re- 
quested them never to use their tongues for pen 
wipers. Some of the thoughtless ones had evi- 
dently offended in this point. 

3. The hair should be brushed and combed 
every day. A dishevelled mop of hair full of dand- 
ruff gives a person a wild and slovenly appearance. 
A well-bred man does not thus neglect his hair. At 
the same time he avoids excessive care and nicety, 
does not keep running his fingers through it nor 
smoothing it down with his hands, as we see done 
occasionally by empty-pated youths. He has his 
hair cut after the manner of sensible men, and he 
does not use greasy and strong-smelling pomades. 

St. Paul in his First Epistle to the Corinthians, 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 43 

ch. II, V. 14, writes: "Doth not even nature itself 
teach you that a man indeed, if he nourish his hair, 
it is a shame unto him?" Even among the pagans 
excessive attention to the liair was despised. Thus 
a philosopher said to a young man who came to 
him smelling of perfumes: "I would rather you 
smelled of garlic." A Roman poet says to another 
youth: ''The good odors which you spread around 
you are suspicious to me. He does not smell well 
who always smells well. Non bene olet qui bene 
semper olet." The extremes of too great and too 
little care should be avoided. 

As to the ladies, I will quote St. Paul again. In 
the 15th verse of the same chapter which I quoted 
above, the apostle says: 'Tf a woman nourish her 
hair, it is a glory to her." And the First Epistle 
to Timothy, ch. 2, v. 9, he says: ''Women also in 
decent apparel, adorning themselves with modesty 
and sobriety, not with plaited hair, or gold, or 
pearls, or costly attire, but as it becometh women 
professing godliness, with good works." Thus the 



44 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

great apostle of the Gentiles allows women to take 
more care of their hair and person than men, but 
even to them moderation is prescribed. 

4. The feet should be washed from time to time, 
at least every fortnight in winter and every week 
in summer, and oftener if necessary, and the nails 
should be cut regularly. Dirty feet are not easily 
kept warm, and in summer they are an abomina- 
tion. 

5. In using the handkerchief a person must be 
careful not to annoy or disgust others; therefore 
it should be done with as little noise as possible. 
He should turn aside when others are present, and 
fold the handkerchief after using it, in such a man- 
ner that he may not be embarrassed when he has 
to take it out again, and he should not look into it 
before putting it up. The handkerchief should al- 
ways be clean. It should not be laid on a table, or 
other piece of furniture. If anyone should drop his 
handkerchief, do not pick it up, but quietly call his 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 45 

attention to the fact. This rule appUes, but for a 
different reason, to letters or other documents. 

6. You should never spit on the floor, into the 
fire, on the stove, or out of the window, but into 
your handkerchief or the spittoon. Even if we are 
not as much afraid of bacteria and microbes as 
some of our city fathers pretend to be, who pass 
ordinances forbidding people to spit on the side- 
walks, the floors of street cars, etc., still we must 
say that the practice is a gross offense against clean- 
liness. Respect for ladies and their dresses ought 
to be a sufffcient motive to prevent this dirty prac- 
tice. I have known people to spit even on the 
floors of churches. 

You should also avoid hawking aloud to clear 
your throat. If it should be necessary to do it, 
turn aside from the company and put your hand- 
kerchief to your mouth. In like manner, put your 
handkerchief or your hand before your mouth 
when sneezing or yawning. 

7. In coughing, hawking, blowing the nose, try 



46 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

to restrain yourself as much as possible when you 
are present at any assembly where someone is ad- 
dressing an audience, or in places where perfect 
silence is expected^ as in church, especially at the 
consecration in the mass, at the benediction of the 
Blessed Sacrament, etc. The noise that might on 
such occasions be avoided with a little effort is a 
disturbance of the company or congregation, an 
annoyance to the speaker, a lack of respect to the 
sacred function, and shows a want of consideration 
for others. 

8. Whilst on this subject of cleanliness, it may 
be well to say a few words as to the users of to- 
bacco. , A good cigar is, of course, preferable to 
the pipe; and among pipes the briar root is con- 
sidered the least objectionable on the score of 
health aiid of the odor of the breath; but it should 
not be used after it has become strong. As for cig- 
arettes, the doctors seem to be unanimous in con- 
demning them. 

I hesitate to speak about chewing — or chawing. 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 47 

However, I would say to anyone who has made 
himself a slave to the vulgar practice and who has 
not the strength of character to give it up: Hide 
your weakness as much as you possibly can. Do 
not chaw or spit in presence of others, but take 
yourself out of sight when you must indulge. 

A reprehensible practice of some men is to enter 
a crowded street car with a half-burned cigar be- 
tween their fingers, the smell of which cannot buc 
be offensive to some of the passengers. If your 
cigar is of too fine a brand to throw it away, finish 
it as you walk along and take a later car. 

Snuft'-taking is not common in this country, so 
that I need say but little of it. I once met an old 
Canadian gentleman who was a great snufifer. 
When seated he generally held his snuff box in his 
hand and a big colored handkerchief on his knee. 
Unfortunately for him, he was not as assiduous in 
the use of the latter article as of the former, and in 
consequence there was a dark spot in the upper 
lip burned into the flesh by the drop of snuff that 



48 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

was allowed to rest there. I knew another gentle- 
man who often had quite a supply of snuff in his 
mustache, 

9. This chapter would be incomplete did I not 
say something of the neatness and cleanliness of 
the objects that a person makes use of^ the room in 
which he lives, his furniture, etc. 
Therefore: 

i. Do not soil or deface pictures^ documents, or 
books. These latter deserve special care. It is 
therefore improper to turn down the leaves, to 
write worthless marginal notes, or to make flour- 
ishes, drawings or caricatures on the fly-leaves. 
Good books are our best friends and should be re- 
spected accordingly. 

ii. Be careful not to bring any dirt from the 
street into the house. A mat or scraper, sometimes 
both, are placed at the entrance doors of most 
houses, and they are intended for use rather than 
for ornament. 

iii. Keep your bookcase, desk, wardrobe in 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 49 

order, and do not throw your clothes, books, pa- 
pers, maps and other articles in a slovenly manner 
on chairs, tables, or even on the floor. A room 
kept in disorder makes an unfavorable impression 
on a visitor. Accustom yourself to put things back 
in their places when you have finished with their 
use. Serva ordinem et ordo servabit te. Keep or- 
der and order will keep thee. 

iv. Do not throw things on the floor, such as 
nut shells, peelings, scraps of paper, burnt matches, 
ends of cigars; but if you happen to let them fall, 
pick them up and throw them in the waste paper 
basket, or the stove, or put them where the ser- 
vant will see and remove them. 

V. It is not proper to scratch matches on the 
furniture, on the wall, or on your trousers, but on 
the match box or on a piece of sandpaper set up 
for the purpose. 

vi. Do not deface walls, doors, windows 
benches, and other pieces of furniture by writing, 
scratching, or cutting figures and inscriptions on 



50 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

them. Sometimes property is thus thoughtlessly 
injured, and the practice is in very bad taste. 

vii. There is an apartment attached to every 
house to which all are compelled to go occasionally, 
the cleanliness of which should be scrupulously at- 
tended to. From the condition in which closets 
are kept strangers judge of the refinement or the 
vulgarity of the people of the house. 




CLOTHING. 

O INCE the fall of our First Parents clothing has 
become necessary to man for the sake of de- 
cency and as a protection against the weather. Now 
as the clothing at once catches the eye, the world 
usually judges by it of the taste, the character, the 
manners of the wearer. Cut, color, material, are 
dififerent according tOi individual taste, present feel- 
ings, degree of refinement, etc. 

I. The fundamental rule in this matter of cloth- 
ing is: Dress as do the serious and respectable 
people of your station in life. You may follow the 

fashion, but only when it does not conflict with 

51 



52 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 



decency and good sense. Extremes on this point 
are to be avoided. 

One of these extremes is to be careless in dress. 
This would be an indication of avarice, laziness, 
want of due regard for the people with whom we 
associate, and sometimes even of a conscience that 
needs to be regulated. 

Nor should we hold on to antiquated fashions, 
which would make us ridiculous. 

The opposite extreme is to be too careful. We 
are not to adopt at once every new fashion that 
comes out, especially such fashions as are calculated 
to draw all eyes upon us. The derivation of the 
word dude from the Portuguese doudo, silly, tells 
sufificiently what men of sense think of those youths 
who are extreme in the care of their garments. In 
their case the servant is better cared for than the 
master, the body better treated than the soul. 

2. The clothing, of course, should be suited to 
the time of the year. We do' not dress in summer 
as we do in winter. Our Christian sentiments also 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 53 

require that on Sundays and holydays we dress dif- 
ferently than on week days. The dress should 
likewise correspond to one's station in life and to 
his age: the student should not dress like a farmer, 
nor the magistrate like a commercial traveler, nor 
a youth like an old man, and vice versa. 

3. The color of the clothing is also to be con- 
sidered. Thoughtless youths love glaring colors, 
sensible people are subdued in their tastes. "For 
the unspoiled, uncorrupted man, the subdued color 
of his garments is a necessity, as the cool shade of 
the trees is for the overheated traveler. For my 
part, the clothes which my neighbor consciously 
or unconsciously selects for himself, is the founda- 
tion of the opinion I form of his inner worth. I 
have seldom been mistaken in the judgment thus 
formed." Beda Weber, (Sl^aracterbtlber, p. 31. 

4. The material of one's garments depends on 
the means and social position of the wearer. They 
are not necessarily to be made of fine and costly 
stufif; it suffices that they be whole and clean. The 



54 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 



richest garment disfigures a person if it lack those 
qualities; with them, the plainest stands the test. 
Even the beggar is not a repulsive sight when his 
person and his patched clothes are clean. 

i. The clothing should be entire, "hct there 
be nothing ragged or slovenly on your person." 
says St. Francis de Sales in his Introduction to a 
Devout Life, Part III, ch. 25. Torn clothes give 
a person a neglected appearance. Therefore boys 
should take care not to be out at elbows and knees, 
and girls as well as boys should not wear torn 
clothes and stockings and ragged shoes. 

Particular attention is due to the shoes, so that 
in wet weather they may not let in the water and 
thus give colds. Have the buttons and the button- 
holes of your shoes and of your coats or frocks 
attended to when they need it. These are little 
points, but they are deserving of attention. 

ii. The clothing must be clean. "As to clean- 
liness," says St. Francis in the chapter from which 
we just quoted, ''it ought to be nearly always the 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 55 

same in all our garments, on which, as far as pos- 
sible, we should not allow any sort of stain or dirt. 
This outward cleanHness is to some extent a mark 
of the purity of the soul.''- Therefore, if you should 
at any time be obliged to walk in muddy places, 
be careful to use your brush afterwards. You 
should also guard against spots of gravy, milk, cof- 
fee, etc.; you should not lean against damp walls; 
nor is it proper to dust chairs, tables, or other ar- 
ticles of furniture with your skirts. The coat collar 
should also be kept free from grease. 

The clothes should be regularly brushed, especi- 
ally in muddy or dusty weather. The linen should 
be scrupulously clean. No matter how irreproach- 
able the other garments may be, if the linen is not 
neat, the effect of the rest will be spoiled. Conse- 
quently a person should change at least once a 
week, and in summer, when perspiration is more 
abundant, twice or oftener. It may at times be 
necessary to change the shirt collar every day. The 
socks also must be frequently changed. 



56 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS, 

5. Boys, do not wear your hat or cap on the 
side of your head, which would be an indication of 
foppishness; nor pulled down over your forehead, 
as if you had something on your mind to be 
ashamed of; nor on the back of your head, which 
is the way of a slovenly person. 

As to the ladies, these rules have to be taken 
mildly, in consideration of the shape of their hats. 
However, it is advisable that their headgear should 
not be ridiculous, nor of a size that will annoy 
others. If gentlemen should show every regard 
and consideration for the ladies, these ought on 
their side to- reciprocate. Since they are not al- 
low^ed to remove their hats in the Catholic church, 
they should not have them of a size to hide the 
priest and altar from those that occupy places be- 
hind them. 

The shoes ought to be cleaned every day, and 
some days more, than once. I have seen boys with 
muddy shoes serving at the altar, which showed a 
lack of respect for the holy place. 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS • 57 

6. On solemn occasions, such as at the recep- 
tion of the sacraments, at a marriage, a baptism, a 
funeral^ or at the distribution of premiums^ one 
should dress in his best, and a black suit is pre- 
ferable for men, young or old, unless they have a 
uniform. Black is also worn as a sign of mourn- 
ing. 

7. Three kinds of mourning may be distin- 
guished: deep, half, and lesser mourning. In deep 
mourning the outer garments are all black; wom- 
en's dress is of black wool. No visits are to be 
made except to the church, and those that are of 
strict necessity. In half mourning some visits may 
be made, but public amusements are not allowed to 
the mourners. Silk is permitt-ed. In lesser or 
slight mourning it is sufficient if the clothes are 
dark. Visits may be made and received, but less 
frequently than at other times. 

At the death of a father or mother, husband or 
wife, or of a son or daughter not a baby, one year 
is given to deep mourning and some additional 



58 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

time for half mourning; for a brother or sister, 
three months of deep and three months of lesser 
mourning; for a grandfather or grandmother, six 
months of deep and six months of half mourning. 
According to a good old Catholic custom, mourn- 
ing for near relatives, as father, mother, wife, hus- 
band, lasts until the anniversary of the death. 

8. Modest}^ and decorum forbid us to dress or 
undress in the presence of others; and if we are at 
any time under the necessity of removing some of 
our clothes before other people, we must not for- 
get what Christian modesty requires of us. 




DEPORTMENT. 

O Y deportment or carriage we here mean the way 
in which the body and its members are used in 
their various movements and postures. Deport- 
ment gives the outward stamp to our personaUty. 
It marks the man, and is sometimes more eloquent 
even than speech. People therefore are accus- 
tomed to judge others by their carriage, and in 
most cases the judgment is not far from correct. 
"Even in the slightest, the simplest, and the most 
imperceptible things, there will always be some- 
thing in our manner that will reveal us. A fool 
does not come in nor go out, sit down nor remain 
standing, nor is silent Hke a sensible man." — Char- 

59 



6o CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

acteres de la Bruyere, ch. 2, p. 59. The carriage 
shows in what circles a man usually moves, what 
kind of an education he has received, how he es- 
teems and values himself, how fai^ he has succeeded 
in mastering himself and his body. 

For these reasons it is a matter of importance for 
everyone in general to carry himself correctly. It 
is especially in the early years of Hfe that boys and 
girls should be taught to attend to this point. They 
are naturally inclined to be careless and to avoid 
all restraint, and hence they are exposed to the 
danger of contracting a number of bad habits 
which they themselves do not perceive, but which 
strike others and displease them. 

Youth is also the most favorable time to form 
correct habits. The spirit is willing, there is plenty 
of courage, the heart is warm and unspoiled. Even 
if through the absence of careful direction in child- 
hood faulty ways have been adopted, it will be 
comparatively easy to get rid of them before they 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 6i 

have grown too deep-rooted. The tree is phant and 
can be bent and trained at will. 

I. CARRIAGE OF THE BODY. 

The body should be carried naturally, and there- 
fore 

I. Straight, erect. 
Os homini sublime dedit, coelumque tueri 
Jussit, et erectos ad sidera tollere vultus. 

—Ovid Met. I, 2. 

"He gave to man a lofty brow, and ordered him 
to look up to heaven and to raise his noble coun- 
tenance to the stars." 

One shoulder should not be carried higher than 
the other, nor should the shoulders be allowed to 
droop forward; this would give a person an awk- 
ward appearance, and would contract the chest and 
lungs, and thus injure the health. 

Neither should the body be allowed to bend over 
to one side or the other, as if unprovided with 
bones. This would indicate sloth and feebleness of 
will, and would show indifference about one's self 



62 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 



and others. Lazy and little-minded people ordi- 
narily hold their persons carelessly and loosely, 
lean on walls, pillars, tables, or any support they 
find at hand, as if they were aweary and their bones 
were soft. 

2. PVee, unconstrained, angular and aw^kward or 
stiff and studied movements indicate little minds 
and make a person ridiculous. Be simple and nat- 
ural, but at the same time unpretentious in your 
movements; not stiff and unbending like raw re- 
cruits on drill. But neither should you be too quick 
and volatile like mercury. Either extreme is dis- 
agreeable. 

II. HOW TO CARRY THE HEAD. 

The head is also to be carried erect, free and un- 
constrained. It should not hang to the right 
or to the left, nor to be moved suddenly from side 
to side; neither should it be held too stiff like a 
statue. We are often judged by our manner of 
holding the head. 

Slightly bent forward, it indicates good will; 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 63 

deeply bowed, it expresses humility, submissiye- 
ness, and respect; thro\yn back\yards, it reyeals 
pride and arrogance; held firm and erect, it mani- 
fests decision of character; drawn down between 
the shoulders, courage; bent slightly to one side, 
piety and beneyolence. 

III. EXPRESSION OF THE COUNTENANCE. 

The expression of the countenance has an im- 
portant bearing in the question of deportment. 
The countenance is the mirror which reflects, gen- 
erally with truth and clearness, the inmost emo- 
tions of the soul: loye and hatred, joy and sorrow, 
patience and irritation^ contentment and weariness. 
When ^^■e wish to judge of a person's character, we 
study his countenance. According to the impres- 
sion it makes on us, we form our opinion and we 
act upon it. Eyeryone therefore should watch 
carefully oyer himself, that his countenance be such 
as it ought to be. 

I. The countenance should always be amiable 
and dignified. This shows a good heart, gains the 



64 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

good will of others, and is even calculated to calm 
the angry passions of those who' approach us in 
excitement. If it wears a dark look, or one of in- 
difference or contempt, this will seldom escape no- 
tice, will disturb social harmony, and awake dis- 
trust and dislike. On the contrary, you should 
always wear a friendly, pleasant countenance, never 
a gloomy, peevish look, as if on bad terms with 
yourself and the rest of the world. 

Moreover, you should not distort your counten- 
ance and make grimaces — a fault so much the 
harder to correct, as one often falls into habits of 
this kind without being aware of it. Do not laugh 
and grin at everything strange you see and hear. 
There are times and places where to laugh is 
proper, but to be always laughing is silly. To 
laugh and to be serious at the proper times shows 
the well-bred person. 

2. The countenance should be in harmony with 
the circumstances. In the company of people who 
are rejoicing over a piece of good fortune, let your 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 65 

expression show that you truly rejoice with them, 
unless there is some weighty reason to the con- 
trary. With those who are bowed down by grief, 
let your countenance express genuine sympathy. 
To make merry in their presence would show a 
want of tact, if not even of charity. In like man- 
ner, it would be a violation of the most elementary 
rules of propriety were we to laugh and joke when 
a calamity has fallen upon our city or country. 

3. The expression of the countenance depends 
in a great measure on three features: the forehead, 
the eyes, and the mouth. 

i. The forehead. It should not be knitted or 
wrinkled until age places his seal upon it. A 
WTinkled brow gives the countenance the appear- 
ance of a stern and ill-humored, sad and sour dis- 
position, which repels; or of a suspicious, too 
thoughtful a mind, which is also unsuited for in- 
tercourse with society. 

ii. The eyes. What a clear stream is to the land- 
scape the eyes are to the countenance; they enliven 



66 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

it and give it its chief attraction. They mirror forth 
the soul and its emotions, and they often speak 
more clearly and more eloquently than the tongue. 
Who amongst us has not read a companion by his 
eyes? The well-bred person will therefore watch 
carefully over his eyes, will always keep them in 
bounds^ and will take care that from them shall 
always beam, modesty, benignity, and mildness. 
Consequently the look should be: 

(i.) Open, free, unembarassed, as the conscience 
is supposed to be kept. Therefore it should not be 
over-reserved, unsociable, anxious, which would 
indicate a bad conscience, a feeling of shame, or 
the fear that others might read in our eyes some- 
thing we had to conceal. During conversation we 
should not keep our eyes always cast down, 
nor constantly avoid the eyes of our interlocutor. 
Of some people it is commonly said: He cannot 
look anyone straight in the eye. It is as if there 
were something out of order in his conscience. 
Many times also this excessive bashfulness in looks 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 67 

might be interpreted as false humility, or as indi- 
cating a groveling, slavish disposition. It is there- 
fore proper to raise the eyes at least occasionally 
so as to show that we are attending to what is said, 
or that we intend to do what is asked of us, and 
also when we have something to answer or the one 
we are speaking to happens to make a mistake, or 
for other reasons. 

(2.) Firm. A firm look is a sign of courage, de- 
cision of character^ and of the consciousness that 
we have nothing to fear. Therefore we should be 
careful not to let our eyes ramble unsteadily in all 
directions, which would indicate thoughtlessness 
or badness; not to move them too rapidly. The 
restless rolling of the eyes gives a person a strange 
and wild look. On the other hand, we should take 
care not to fix the eyes too long and steadily on 
the same object. Staring at anything betrays lack 
of mental development; not to look boldly and 
steadily on the person with whom we are convers- 
ing, as if we wanted to look him through and to 



68 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

discover his secret thoughts, or tO' overawe him; 
especially, not to look too sharply on persons of the 
other sex, which would be exceedingly impudent, 
perhaps sinful. A celebrated diplomat seldom 
raised his eyes when speaking, and he used tO' say: 
^'I can answer for my tongue, but not for my eyes." 
Finally, do not open your eyes too wide, as if you 
were surprised at everything. 

(3.) Cheerful. A cheerful look indicates a cheer- 
ful heart and makes a pleasant impression on others. 
The look should be friendly without being intru- 
sive, and in no case should it be gloomy, discon- 
tented, sulky. Nothing is more out of place in 
society than a dark and surly look. There are, of 
course, times when the heart is bowed down with 
grief and anxiety and it is hard not to let it ap- 
pear. But when we feel thus it is better to stay 
at home. 

(4.) Humble and modest. Everyone should be 
able to read in your look that you have not too 
high an opinion of yourself, and that you recognize 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 69 

the worth of others. Your look must therefore not 
be spiteful,, cunning, mocking, which would hurt 
the feehngs of others; not haughty, which would 
betray pride, presumption, contempt of others; nor 
eager and prying. 

Onei should not allow his eyes to rest on immod- 
est pictures and statues which are sometimes ex- 
posed in museums and show windows or elsewhere. 
To keep gazing at such objects would show a cor- 
rupt mind, not inquisitive. On the street we should 
not 2:aze around and turn back to look, in a house 



\\' 



here we are visiting:, we should not examine writ- 



'fe 



ings that may be lying on a table, nor should we 
on the sly look over a person's shoulder when he 
is reading, writing, or counting money; not hypo- 
critical. Do not turn up your eyes in pretended 
piety, either at home or in the church; not restless. 
In prayer the eyes should not be allowed to wan- 
der which, to say the least, would betray a cold and 
fickle, and sometimes even a corrupt heart; on the 
contrary, it is better to keep the eyes cast down, or 



70 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

fixed on the altar or on your prayer-book. When 
man speaks to God, he should exclude everything 
else from his mind. Downcast eyes prevent, dis- 
tractions, hinder many temptations, and help to 
preserve that recollection which is necessary in 
prayer. 

iii. On the mouth, (i.) As a rule the mouth 
is to be kept closed. It is conducive to health to 
breathe through the nostrils and not through the 
mouth. The mouth closed in a natural manner 
gives a person a becoming appearance. 

(2.) To) keep the mouth open and let the under 
lip hang while listening to a speech or story gives 
a person a look of stupidity. On the other hand, 
to compress the lips together, or to keep biting 
them would give you a look of secrecy and of sus- 
piciousness of others. 

(3.) Yawning should be avoided as being a sign 
of weariness. Although at times you cannot help 
being weary, still it is not the correct thing to show 
it. If it happen involuntarily, you should at least 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 71 

place your hand or your handkerchief over your 
mouth, as well to conceal the distortion of your 
features as to prevent your breath from incommod- 
ing others. To yawu with outstretched arms and 
with a loud noise in company is intolerable. 

Besides, the following practices are to be 
avoided: ^Muttering or humming on the street or 
in company; snuffling and blowing the noise with 
a noise; screaming, and what is called horse- 
laughter. Of course, it is not forbidden to enjoy 
one's self and to laugh heartily; but hearty laughter 
and boisterous laughter are essentially different. "A 
fool lifteth up his voice in laughter; but a wise man 
will scarce laugh low to himself," says Ecclesias- 
ticus, xxi., 22i- 

Whistling is generally condemned as vulgar, and 
suited only for stable boys when they are attending 
to their horses. I think the condemnation too se- 
vere, whilst at the same time I do not consider 
whistling a gentlemanly accomplishment. What- 
ever mav be said of it, vou should certainly not in- 



72 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

dulge in the practice in company, or wherever it 
would annoy people of sensitive ears. 

IV. MANNER OF CARRYING THE HANDS. 

One of the greatest dil^culties in the matter of 
deportment is the management of the arms and 
hands. Many people do not know what to do' with 
them. Nor is it easy under all circumstances to 
hold them properly when one has not been accus- 
tomed to it from early childhood. The following 
rules deserve consideration: 

I. When the hands are not employed and you 
are standing or walking, it is best to let the arms 
hang freely by your side. This rule is for boys and 
men. When standing, however, you may also cross 
your arms on your chest, placing the right hand on 
the left elbow and the left hand on the right. If 
you must remain long in one position, you may 
change about between these two modes of keep- 
ing your hands. 

For girls and women, the proper way to carry 
their hands in walking seems to be to fold them, or 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 73 

better still, to have something — a fan, gloves, muff, 
pocketbook, parasol — to carry. I have seen young 
women marching up through the church with their 
hands swinging by their sides, sometimes even 
when they were going to communion. In the 
church and on the street this manner of carrying 
the hands gives them a bold and masculine swagger 
which is hardly desirable to cultivate. When ap- 
proaching the Holy Table it is tO' be recommended 
that boys as well as girls, men and women, join the 
palms of their hands together before their breast, 
as they were taught when preparing to receive for 
the first time. 

2. If you make any claim to refinement you 
will not keep your hands in your pockets; neither 
will you lean them on the back of a chair, or cross 
them behind your head; nor will you plant them on 
your hips with your elbows stuck out, in the man- 
ner of a scolding fish-wife, nor stick your thumbs in 
the armholes of your vest, etc. 

Certain motions with the hands which indicate 



74 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

levity and thoughtlessness are to be avoided; for 
instance, to keep rubbing the hands together, 
stretching them out with a yawn, passing the fin- 
gers through the hair or smoothing it down, strok- 
ing the beard, tugging at the necktie or clothes 
during conversation, picking up and examining ob- 
jects that lie on the table, cracking the fingers, 
strumming on the table or window, twirling the 
thumbs, etc. 

Finally, it is seldom necessary to touch the peo- 
ple with whom we are engaged in conversation, to 
take them by the shoulders, to buttonhole them. 
In Hke manner, it is not polite to slap a man on the 
back, even if he were an intimate friend; to strike 
him in the ribs, pinch his cheeks, etc. Such acts 
are undignified, and often proceed more or less 
from sensuality. It is therefore advisable not only 
to avoid doing them yourself, but also not to ac- 
cept this kind of attention from others. 

3. In conversation and in public speaking it is, 
of course, allowed, and even recommended, to ges- 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 75 

ticulate, so as to make our meaning clearer and to 
emphasize it; but the following rules should be ob- 
served: Gestures should be moderate; that is to 
say, not too frequent or too rapid, not too impetu- 
ous or exaggerated; they should be dignified, that 
is, not vulgar, as slapping one's knee, shaking the 
fist at an opponent; they should be simple; that is, 
not pretentious, and they should be timely; that 
is, appropriate to the sentiment which w'e wish to 
express. 

V. HOW TO STAND. 

In standing, hold the body and head erect, the 
chest thrown forward, the legs straight, heels not 
far apart, toes turned out. Therefore do not stand 
with loose knees, the weight of the body throw^n on 
one foot whilst the other is stretched out; do not 
lean either backward or forward against a support. 
Besides, in any public assembly, whether in church 
or hall, do not place yourself so as to prevent 
others from seeing the altar, the pulpit, the plat- 
form, or the stage. 



76 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

VI. HOW TO SIT. 

1. As in standing, so also in sitting, the head 
and body should be erect. The legs should be on 
a line — a right angle — with the knees, the heels 
not far apart and the toes turned out, as when 
standing. You may place your open hands on your 
knees, or if seated near a desk or table, you may 
place them on it; never keep your hands between 
your knees or under the desk or table. 

2. Let both feet rest on the floor and do not 
cross your legs or throw your foot across your knee 
so as to expose the sole of your shoe as if for in- 
spection. It is true that many estimable men do 
this, but still it is better to avoid it. The most 
that can be granted is that this may be let pass 
when we are well acquainted with the company or 
are amongst friends, but not on visits, whether 
made or received^ never in church, school, or par- 
lor, nor in public meetings, and never in presence 
of a superior. 

3. Do not keep swinging your feet, holding 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 77 

your knees between your hands, or tilting your 
chair back. Nor should you put your foot on the 
rounds of your own or of another person's chair. 
Above all things, do not put your feet on a table 
or other article of furniture, as some uneducated 
people do. 

4. Do not choose for yourself the most com- 
fortable seat, and do not place yourself where you 
will be in the way of others. Moreover, do not re- 
main seated when the company rise, and do not 
rise, unless for a good reason, when the others are 
seated. In a word, you should not make yourself 
singular, nor be a hindrance to others in their 
movements. 

VII. HOW TO WALK. 

I. The walk should correspond to age, position, 
.and sex. An active and lively youth does not move 
with the slow and halting step of a feeble man, 
nor is a girl supposed to walk with the stride of a 
man. Too slow a walk is suggestive of sloth and 
indecision, too quick and impetuous indicates 



78 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

thoughtlessness and boldness. Festina lente^ hurry 
slowly, is the Latin proverb, which means, never be 
over-hasty, but neither should you move with 
rmnecessary slowness, as if you were counting your 
steps or measuring the ground. 

Well-bred people do not run on the street, 
though they may hasten their steps when some- 
thing unusual takes place: a fire, a falling house, 
etc.; or if it suddenly begins to rain. 

Do not bring your feet down too close together 
or too far apart, do not make your steps too short 
and mincing, Hke a dancing master, nor too long, 
like a yokel just from the country. Step lightly 
and firmly, not on your tees, but bringing your 
foot down without a clatter. Walk naturally and 
easily, without dragging your feet. 

2. When walking, the body should be held 
erect, without constraint, the chest thrown some- 
what forward, the head erect without being raised 
too high or thrown backward, not turning rest- 
lessly from side to side, the eyes directed forward, 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 79 

so that you may see any obstacles that He in the 
way, may give place to those who want to pass 
you, and may greet an acquaintance. 

Turn out your toes, let your arms hang easily by 
your side, as in standing, and do not keep swinging 
them like the arms of a windmill. Do not join 
your hands behind your back, especially when 
walking in company. 

3. When you carry an umbrella or a cane, hold 
it lightly in the right hand, and if necessary you 
may lean on it. Do not play with it like a drum 
major with his baton, nor keep twirling it around. 
Neither should you carry it sticking out under your 
arm, especially in a crowded street. Do not carry 
it as the soldier carries his gun or the tradesman 
his tools. 

4. When walking along the street, do MOt stop 
to think of the direction in which you are to go; 
you should have made up your mind before start- 
ing. It is not proper to keep up a loud and long- 
continued talking on the street, to point at people. 



^0 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 



to eat. Only children may be allowed to do this 
latter. 

5. On the street do not get into a brown study, 
lest you should run into somebody or be run into. 
Should you inadvertently jostle a person or other- 
wise inconvenience him, never fail to apologize po- 
litely. When someone is coming towards you, 
pass him on the right side. If the path is too nar- 
row for two tO' pass, the politer of the two stops 
to let the other go by. On a narrow stairs, wait at 
the top or bottom if you hear anyone coming down 
or up. On the sidewalk leave the side next the 
wall tO' a respectable person who is going by. 

When walking with others it is unbecoming and 
annoying to be in too great a hurry. On the other 
hand, when coming to a house into which several 
are about to enter, a young gentleman will hasten 
forward some steps tO' open the door, especially 
when there are persons in the company deserving 
of attention. 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 



Do not rush up or clown stairs, and take only 
one step at a time. Boys, remember this. 

6. The following points are not unimportant: 

When two are going together, the one most de- 
serving of respect is allowed to take the right side, 
unless 

(i) In walking up and down in a park. \Mien 
you come to the turn it is not necessary to change, 
unless your companion should be someone of ex- 
alted station, in which case this rule should be fol- 
lowed, and you should always walk at his left. 

(2) When the path on the right is harder, mud- 
dier, or stonier, take it, and leave the easier path to 
the person whom you wish to honor. 

If three go together, the place of honor is in the 
middle, the next is the right. When four are walk- 
ing abreast, there are two ways of arranging. The 
highest in rank may be taken as the central point. 
To his right comes the second in rank, to his left 
the third, and to the right of the second, the fourth. 
Or the two highest may be considered as the cen- 



82 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

tral point, and the other two range themselves to 
the right and left, as if the center was a single 
person. 

Thus to the more dignified is always assigned the 
best place. If a stranger is present, he is consid- 
ered the privileged one, unless he is much inferior 
in social standing. 

As a matter of course, on turning in a prom- 
enade and when passing one another on the street, 
you must not turn your back on the dignitary. In 
like manner, when entering a room or going out 
the door, you should turn your face to the company, 
The altar boy should be careful to observe this rule 
when he is serving, and not turn his back on the 
priest or on the tabernacle. 

7. Before concluding this chapter I would like 
to impress it on the minds of the young that a 
really polite man or woman will not observe the 
rules of etiquette merely in public, where he is seen, 
but also in private. The thought that God and the 
holy Angel Guardian are present is enough to keep 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 83 

him or her within the bounds of modesty and 
decorum. When he lives up to this principle, his 
politeness will be genuine; that is to say, it will be 
the* natural expression of a good heart, which gives 
the finishing touch to that polish that character- 
izes the real gentleman and lady. 

Of St. Francis de Sales we read that he always 
lived up to the rules of the most exquisite polite- 
ness, and that all who knew him honored and ad- 
mired him in this as well as in the heroic virtues 
which he practiced. His intimate friend, the Bishop 
of Belley, whom he often visited, once took it into 
his head to find out how the saint conducted him- 
self when praying, studying, kneeling, sitting alone 
in his room. For this purpose he bored holes in 
the door so that he might watch him unobserved. 
He tells us: 

''He knelt so carefully and piously that one might 
think he felt himself in the visible presence of the 
angels and saints. He remained motionless like a 
statue in the most respectful posture. I w^atched to 



84 , CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

see if he would allow himself any liberties, such as 
stretching out his legs or crossing them, or lean- 
ing his head on his hands. But I never saw any- 
thing of that kind. He remained serious and dig- 
nified according to the strictest demands of pro- 
priety and filled all that saw him with love and re- 
spect." — Camus r Esprit de S. Francois de Sales. 

The above are the fundamental rules for the car- 
riage of the person. They are numerous and some- 
what complicated, and are hard to follow by any- 
one that has not grown up in their observance. 
Should we therefore be discouraged? Far be it 
from us! On the contrary, let us make up our 
minds to learn how to conduct ourselves with tact 
and dignity. Dixi nunc coepi. And I said, now 
have I begun. — Ps. Ixxvi., 2. 

We should follow the advice of our parents and 
teachers during our school years; let us observe the 
manners of those ladies and gentlemen who are 
recognized as models of deportment; and then let 
us set to work to overcome ourselves on those 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 85 

points in which we feel that we are defective, and 
let this be our daily, hourly, unceasing task. It is 
only by constant practice that we can overcome the 
bad habits which we may have contracted, and re- 
place them by good habits. 




SALUTATIONS. 



Q ALUTATIONS are the simplest and most fre- 
quent signs of Christian charity. In the man- 
ner in which a person salutes, you can recognize his 
refinement or his lack of it. The salutation is the 
first act that impresses our neighbor, and it has 
much to do with the opinion he forms of us. The 
studious youth and maiden will therefore not neg- 
lect to learn the rules of salutations. 

I. The salutation when meeting on the street 
consists in raising the hat with a friendly smile and 
lowering it, at the same time making a more or less 
profound bow, according to the rank of the person 

86 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 87 

saluted. The lady smiles and bows. The follow- 
ing points are to be here noticed: 

i. The salutation is generally made without 
stopping or speaking. Only intimate friends, ac- 
cording to the usual code, address each other by 
name. 

ii. Take hold of your hat as soon as you haye 
reached the person whom you wish to salute, or a 
little before, especially if the person to be saluted is 
of high rank or a superior. In this case lower your 
hat a good distance, and do not put it on until he 
has passed you. 

iii. Take your hat entirely off, lowering your 
arm so that it makes a more or less obtuse angle at 
the elbow. It is not the correct thing merely to 
touch it with the hand after the military fashion, 
nor to hold it aloft as if you were going to shout a 
hurrah. 

iv. Always remoye your hat with your right 
hand. If it is not free, holding your cane, um- 
brella, or some other light article, pass the object 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 



to your left hand and then take off your hat with 
your right. The same is to be done if yoii are 
smoking, take your cigar in your left hand and 
uncover your head with your right. 

V. If the person saluted is of high rank, such as a 
bishop, a cardinal, stop somel paces before reaching 
him, take off your hat and hold it respectfully in 
your hand; when he passes you make your bow, 
and only then put on your hat again. 

vi. On meeting, let your countenance be ser- 
ious and respectful toward superiors, cordial and 
friendly toward equals, and kind and pleasant to- 
ward inferiors. 

2. On the street we salute: 

i. Those who salute us. Not to return a salu- 
tation is contrary tO' all rules of politeness. It is 
related that George Washington was one day tak- 
ing a walk in company with some distinguished 
stranger when a poor negro took off his hat to the 
General. Washington immediately returned the sa- 
lute. When the stranger expressed surprise that 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 89 

the great man took off his hat to a common negro, 
Washington said to him: ''Would you have a ne- 
gro surpass me in politeness?" 

ii. Those whom our companion salutes and 
those who salute him. If you should be in com- 
pany with a great personage, you are not supposed 
to salute any whom he does not salute, unless it 
should be a particular friend, who would be hurt by 
the omission. 

iii. Our present and former superiors and 
teachers; and also acquaintances, and those with 
whom we do business. 

iv. Strangers whom we meet on private 
grounds, as in a garden, a hall, a yard. Pupils 
therefore should remember to salute politely vis- 
itors whom they may happen to meet on their play 
grounds, in the halls, on the stairs. 

V. Every person of high rank, as a bishop, the 
governor, etc. 

vi. Priests, and religious of either sex. To a 
Catholic these are no strangers; and he recognizes 



90 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

them by their garments. On account of their high 
vocation, as well as their labors in the cause of hu- 
manity and for the public good, they deserve this 
recognition. 

vii. Strangers who do us any service, for in- 
stance, who deliver us something, who step aside to 
let us pass on a narrow sidewalk or stairs. In like 
manner those tO' whom we do a little service, as, 
to whom we give information about the road, or 
for whom we pick up a fallen article. 

viii. In the country, all grown people in gen- 
eral, whether we know them or not. It would be 
considered rude on your part not to salute them. 

ix. Travelers whom you meet on the solitary 
street. 

3. In regard to salutations it is further to be 
remarked : 

i. If the persons who meet us are of the same 
rank and age as ourselves, it makes no difference 
who is the first to salute. If they are not, -the young- 
er or lower in station should first salute. Young 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 



people should take notice of this. If a person whom 
we hardly know salutes us first, we should at our 
next meeting' try to return his politeness in the 
same way by being the first to salute. However, 
people of noble feelings will not stop to deliberate 
whether it is for them or for the passer-by to salute 
first, whether he be an equal or an inferior, but 
will salute. 

ii. Should an acquaintance be standing on the 
street or in an open door, it is the passer that is 
usually supposed to greet first. The person stand- 
ing should be first when a distinguished person 
passes. 

iii. If seated, you should rise and salute or re- 
turn the greeting unless your occupation does not 
permit you to rise, or the passer is much younger 
or of lower rank than you, in which case it suffices 
to bow your head. 

iv. If you are engaged in conversation when an 
acquaintance passes, you may interrupt it for a 
moment to salute. 



92 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS,^ 

V. Should you notice when saluting that you 
were mistaken in the person, do not break off, but 
finish your bow. Here the saying holds good: 
Quod abundat, non vitiat. What goes over the 
mark does no harm. 

4. A Catholic should take particular notice of 
the following rules: 

i. If he meets the priest carrying the Blessed 
Sacrament, either in solemn procession or private- 
ly to the sick, he uncovers, and if circumstances per- 
mit, he kneels where he is on both knees, joins 
his hands, and makes a profound bow; and he re- 
mains in this posture till the priest has gone a little 
way. 

ii. When passing a church or chapel where the 
Blessed Sacrament is kept, he takes off his hat as 
a token of reverence for his Hidden Lord. I have 
seen ladies make the sign of the cross as they passed, 
which is edifying and commendable. When pass- 
ing a crucifix or a statue blessed by the Church, 
he also takes off his hat. 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 93 

When going by a graveyard it is proper to say a 
short prayer for the souls in purgatory and to re- 
move your hat. Neither is it necessary to inquire 
whether the cemetery is Catholic or not. Amongst 
those whose mortal remains lie buried in non-Cath- 
olic cemeteries, there may be some souls that will 
be benefited by a Memorare or a De Profundis. 

iii. If he meets a procession or a funeral, he 
takes off his hat and remains uncovered in a res- 
pectful posture until it goes by. If it is too long, 
and he is in a hurry, he need not wait to the end. 
It would be very unbecoming to keep a pipe or a 
cigar in his mouth on such occasions. 

5. The street is not the place to hold conver- 
sation, even with friends. We ought to take it foi 
granted that those whom we meet have business 
of their own to attend to. Yet it sometimes hap- 
pens that people stop to speak to one another on 
the street. This is allowable on the following con- 
ditions : 



94 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 



i. When there is a good reason, and we have 
something of importance to say. 

ii. When the person to whom we wish to speak 
is not far away. It would be improper to shout to 
him at a distance or beckon to him and make signs. 

iii. When the person with whom we wish to 
speak is himself on the street. It is not indeed an 
ofTence against propriety to salute a friend who is 
standing at his window or door and to exchange 
greetings with him and his family; but it would be 
a mistake tO' stop on the street and have a long 
chat with him. It is likewise unbecoming to hail a 
person who is passing our window and to hold a 
conversation with him. 

iv. When the one that addresses you is a con- 
fidential friend, or is your equal or inferior. It is 
seldom, and o>nly for special reasons, that an inferior 
may stop his superior to speak to him. If, for in- 
stance, a former pupil should meet his teacher, 
whom he had not seen for a long time, no one 
would blame him for exchanging some hearty 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 95 

words with him. Or if the inferior has gone wath 
some commission to the house, where he did not 
find the person whom he sought, and he happens 
to meet him afterwards on the street, he may de- 
Hver his message. 

V. When those who want to have a chat are 
alone. It is seldom allowable to stop to talk when 
either of the persons has a companion, especially if 
one of them is in high position. If you accompany 
a distinguished person, and a third person wishes to 
speak to him, you should retire a little way to al- 
low them the liberty to say what they have to say. 
Should both of them invite you to remain near be- 
cause they have no secret to discuss, you may in- 
deed coine closer, but even then it is better to re- 
main a little to the side. If they enter a room, you 
are not to follow them without a special invitation, 

6. If you are going to speak to someone in the 
open air, the following rules are to be observed: 

i. When near the person, salute him in a friend- 
ly way, as at any other meeting, with a slight inch- 



96 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

nation of the head if he is of the same rank as you; 
with a deep bow of the head if he is a superior; 
and with a bow of the body if he is of very high 
rank, as a bishop. Do not raise your eyes to stare 
him in the face^ or scrape you foot backwards while 
making your compHments, as awkward people 
sometimes do. 

ii. Shaking hands on meeting is a mark of 
close intimacy, which is proper only between friends 
and comrades. Indiscriminate shaking of hands by 
people who are not at all dr but slightly acquainted 
is to be condemned. I am glad to read in the 
papers that Mrs. Roosevelt, wife of the President of 
the United States, took an effectual means of avoid- 
ing the tiresome, and — shall I call it silly? — ^prac- 
tice, at a reception in her honor not long since;, by 
carrying flowers in both her hands. 

Superiors may oi course at times reach out their 
hands to be shaken by inferiors as a mark of es- 
teem, but the latter should never allow themselves 
this liberty of offering their hands to superiors. 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 97 

When shaking hands, both persons should give 
the entire hand, not one or two fingers, which is 
childish and ridiculous. Do not grasp the hand of 
your friend as in a vise, but gently, so that he may 
be able to withdraw it easily. In general, we should 
avoid too great familiarity, which borders on rude- 
ness, and may give rise to disagreeable remarks. 

iii. In presence of dignitaries of the Church, 
and also of the State, as President or Governor, it 
is proper to remain uncovered until invited to put 
on your hat. If the surroundings permit it, they 
ought to give this permission immediately. An in- 
ferior never tells his superior to be covered. To 
his equals he may say this, iDut he should not tell 
him bluntly: Put on your hat. Find a politer way 
of saying it. The invitation should be complied 
with at once. 

iv. Hold your hat in your right hand, the open 
ing towards yourself. Let your left hang loosely by 
your side, or lay it on your breast. If the conver- 



98 CHRISTIAN- POLITENESS. 

sation last for some time, you may pass your hat to 
the other hand. 

V. The usual greeting is good morning, sir, or 
madam; good day, good afternoon, good evening, 
according to the hour. Then we may ask How do 
you do? or How are you? The answer would nat- 
urally be: I am very well, thank you. And how are 
you? It is hardly necessary to say that few words 
are required and that we need not gO' into details 
about our feelings and symptoms. 

On meeting a superior we do not ask those ques- 
tions. If he asks us, we politely and thankfully an- 
swer. 

vi. It would be improper to ask a person with 
whom we are not on intimate terms whence he 
comes and whither he goes. In general, any ques- 
tion that might be considered as impertinent should 
be avoided. 

vii. Conversation on the street should be brief, 
saying only what is necessary. It is for the 
superior to make the sign for parting. If he 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS, 99 

is slow about doing it, the other should be patient, 
but if he is in a hurry and cannot stay any longer, 
he may politely say so and go his way. 

viii. We are to act on parting as we did on 
meeting: take off our hat and make our bow, more 
or less profound, according to the dignity of the 
one with whom we were speaking, and we say good 
by; or to superiors, I have the honor to bid you 
good by. 

ix. When a stranger addresses us and no one 
introduces him, and he does not introduce himself, 
it is proper to ask him who he is. You may say to 
him: may I ask what is your name? or, With whom 
have I the honor to speak? and then you may tell 
him who you are. 

7. I have to say a few words on embracing and 
kissing, but I speak only on the prescriptions of 
etiquette, so that I do not need to go intO' particu- 
lars as if I were writing a treatise on morality. 

i. It is permitted for near relatives to kiss, as 
father, mother, brother, sister, husband and wife. 



L.of 



100 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

ii. It is proper on meeting after a long absence, 
when taking leave for a considerable time, at New 
Years, or on the Patron Saint's day, and on occa- 
sion of a joyful or sorrowful event in the family. 

iii. It is proper only in the house and not on 
the street or in public. An exception is when those 
relatives are starting away for a long time or return- 
ing after a long absence. Then the relatives who ac- 
company them to the station or meet them on their 
return may greet them in this intimate manner. 

The practice indulged in by women of kissing 
mere acquaintances of their own sex on meeting in 
public is fortunately dying out. Generally there 
was a great deal of hypocrisy in it. 




VISITS. 



"\ /ISITS play an important part in social life. 
They are made for the purpose of asking 
favors or of returning thanks, of offering congratu- 
lations or sympathy, or to become acquainted and 
thus to make friends. Visits bring us nearer to one 
another and rub off the angles from our character; 
they accustom us to refinement in manners and to 
the use of tact; they start and maintain friendly rela- 
tions which make life worth living, give us influence, 
and help us along in our avocations. They are often 
the 1)eginning of a happy family life, and they some- 
times prevent misfortunes, or at least take the bit- 
terness from them. Not infrequently they are the 



lOI 



102 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS, 

means of establishing peace in the family and in 
society. Through one solitary New Year's call 
friends and relatives who had long been estranged 
are often reconciled. 

The rules to be observed in visits are therefore 
to be attended to by every well-bred person. 

I. Visits are to be made: 

i. On arriving in a place where you are tO' as- 
sume ofihce. There you should call upon your su- 
periors and those who are to work with you^ and 
also on those people of social standing with whom 
you may wish to associate. 

ii. When you have received an invitation, as, 
for instance, to dinner, whether you accept it or 
not. 

iii. To return thanks when a superior, a friend 
or patron has rendered you an important service. 

iv. To make a return visit, and when possible, 
within the week following. Not to return a visit 
would be to violate the requirements of etiquette 
and would free the person on whom such a slight 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 103 

was put from the duty of ever again visiting us. 
With intimate friends and acquaintances the num- 
ber of visits is not to be counted, nor is the return 
visit ahvays of obHgation. 

In like manner superiors and benefactors are not 
ahvays bound to return the visits of their cHents. 
When they do so, however, they give a striking 
example of goodness of heart and greatness of soul, 

V. To friends in order to congratulate them on 
some fortunate occurrence, or to express sympathy 
in a misfortune. 

vi. On the patron saint's day of a superior or 
friend, where such a custom is observed. The day 
itself, or the eve, is the appropriate time, yet it will 
<;uffice if the visit is made within the octave. 

vii. To superiors and acquaintances on New 
Year's day. Visits on Dec. 31st and on January 
1st, are the heartiest and most respectful, and there- 
fore they are for our dearest friends and highest 
superiors; the other visits may be made during the 



104 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS, 

eight following days, or even any day of January, 
without making us appear impolite. 

viii. Friends and acquaintances when they are 
very sick in order to express to them our sympa- 
thy. After recovery those that had been sick owe 
their first call to persons that had thus expressed 
sympathy. 

ix. Good students visit their former spiritual 
directors and teachers during the holidays to show 
the gratitude and respect which they feel towards 
them and to speak to them about their studies, 
progress, and expectations. 

X. When a person high in authority in Church 
or State comes to reside in a place or to exercise 
his jurisdiction there, it is proper that subordinate 
functionaries should call to offer their respects. 

2. How is a person to act when making a visit 
or receiving one? To answer this question clearly 
and fully Ave must consider: 

i. Vvhen visiting, what to^ do on entering, during 
the visit, and when leaving; 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 105 

ii. How to behave towards visitors. 

_^ I. WHEN WE PAY A VISIT. 

3. Make your visit at a suitable hour, so that 
it may not be inconvenient to the person visited: 
not early in the morning, not during meal or work 
time, not during mass or vesper hour, etc. It is 
advisable to^ inform yourself beforehand of the cus- 
toms of the house tO' which you are going and to be 
guided thereby. 

4. Special attention should be paid to the cloth- 
ing when going on a visit. In bad weather we 
should guard against mud on our shoes and cloth- 
ing. Gloves are prescribed on visits of ceremony. 

5. On entering. When you reach the house 
where the visit is to be made, pull the bell or use the 
knocker, not violently, but so as to be heard, and 
then await quietly the opening of the' door. i\Iean- 
while wipe your shoes on the mat. After allowing 
a reasonable time to pass, should no one come, you 
mav renew the summons and if you meet with a 



io6 ^ CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

third failure, shove yo-ur card under the door with 
a corner bent. 

If the servant comes, take off your hat and ask 
him: "Is Mr. N. N. at home?" Should he say no, 
give him your card, salute, and go your way. When 
the answer is yes, he will show you in. If he asks, 
Whom have I the honor tO' announce? tell him 
Mr. N. N. 

6. On entering the house wipe your shoes again, 
remain uncovered, and you may leave your cane 
and overcoat on the rack. In rainy weather see 
that your coat does not injure the carpet. 

If the servant should point to the door where the 
person is, whom we come to visit, we give two or 
three knocks on the door, softly but audibly, and 
we do not open it until we are invited to come in. 
•The servant may show us to the parlor and offer 
us a seat and then go and announce our presence, 
after which the host may be expected to come in a 
few minutes. 

Whilst waiting, it is not forbidden to examine 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 107 

with our eyes the ornaments of the room and the 
objects of art, such as paintings, statues, vases, al- 
bums, etc., but we should not handle things, re- 
move them from their place, open drawers, sing, 
whistle, etc. 

7. On entering the room where the master or 
mistress of the house is, make a sHght bow,*^ and, 
advancing to within a couple of steps, make a deep- 
er bow, accompanied by words of cordial greeting. 
Then, if others are present, bow to the right and 
left. If there are any present whom you know fa- 
miliarly, salute them with a separate bow to each. 
A mere nod is permitted only between intimate 
friends who often meet. 

If the person visited is engaged on our entrance, 
we should remain standing at a distance until he is 
free, and then we salute. 

8. Keep your hat in your hand unless you have 
hung it on the rack, until a sign or a word is said 
inviting you to put it aside, or someone in the com- 
pany offers to relieve you of it. In the latter case 



io8 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

it is more proper for you to put it aside yourself, 
on an empty chair or bureau, never on a table or 
bed. If you have a cane place it in a corner. 

9. Do not sit down until invited to do so. Take 
an ordinary chair unless another is offered you. If 
the host remains standing it is safe to conclude that 
he wishes the call to be brief. 

When no' particular place is assigned you^ it is 
best to sit fronting your host, if possible on the side 
next the door. A young man usually retains his 
hat in his hand during a visit. 

10. During the visit. When all are seated the 
conversation is to begin. This matter will be treat- 
ed of in the next chapter. 

It need hardly be said that the rules for sitting 
and standing, as also the suggestions in regard to 
coughing, sneezing, spitting, are to be carefully ob- 
served on visits. 

Be careful not to show signs of weariness by gaz- 
ing around at the walls and the company, by rest- 
lessly moving the hands and feet. Moreover, do 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 109 

not speak too' loud or laugh immoderately. Young 
people in presence of their elders should not be 
loud or boisterous and should not try to attract at- 
tention. It is not a noble ambition to wish to be 
a clown. 

II. If you have anything to hand to a person, 
do so with a slight bow and a few pleasant words. 
Do not hand it across other people unless it is un- 
avoidable, and in this case excuse yourself. If the 
person happens to be at a distance, go behind the 
company if you can do so without crowding. 

If you make a present or confer a favor, do not 
mention the price or dwell upon the value of the 
service. The benefactor should rather look upon 
himself as being benefited more than the receiver, 
according to the words: "It is a more blessed 
thing to give than to receive." — Acts, XX., 35. 

If you receive money from anyone, do not count 
it in his presence unless it is a matter of business. 
The giver of money, however, should request the 



no CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

receiver to count it^ and the latter should at once 
comply. 

12. Should the person whom we are visiting be 
called away for awhile, remain quietly seated. When 
he returns, stand up, and sit down when he does so. 
If, during our conversation another visitor arrive, 
rise at once. If the newcomer is a person high in 
station, take your leave promptly, alleging some 
plausible excuse, without giving any hint of the 
real motive, and do' not let any one acco^ipany you. 
If the newcomer is one with whom you are inti- 
mate, and you are urged to stay, you may yield and 
remain four or five minutes longer, but then you 
should depart. 

13. An ordinary visit of mere courtesy lasts for 
about ten or fifteen minutes, but it would be im- 
polite to time yourself with your watch. When 
you think time is up, rise quietly, bid the people 
good by, and go your way. Should you be urged 
to stay, and you think the host really wishes it^ you 
may remain for four or five minutes more. 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. m 

In all cases the following rule holds: As soon 
as you notice that your host is busy, you must take 
up no more of his time than is really necessary. 
Again if you see that your visit is becoming tire- 
some to him or is not welcome, you should cut it 
short. 

There are many signs by which a person of tact 
will notice that he is considered tO' be in the way. 
When the host begins to be restless, keeps looking 
at the time, sharpens his pencil, begins to twist in 
his chair, to walk up and down the room, we may 
conclude that it is time for us to go. 

There are also signs by which we can feel that 
our visit is welcome: for example, when the child- 
ren and the household receive us joyfully; when the 
gentleman and the lady of the house complain that 
we visit them so seldom; when one or both of them 
devote the whole time of the visit to entertaining 
us, are markedly attentive to our remarks, cordially 
beg us to prolong our stay, etc. However, I rec- 



112 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

ommend you to read Tom Hood's ''Truth in Par- 
enthesis." 

14. The rule for making the visit short applies 
particularly in the following cases: 

i. When we know that those whom we are vis- 
iting are to go out or are expected elsewhere; or 
when they are called away in our presence, for in- 
stance, if the servant announces that the carriage 
is ready. 

■ ii. When a second visitor comes, and we have 
reason to think that he has business of a private 
nature to transact, and also if some distinguished 
person should come. 

iii. When there is someone waiting in another 
room to be received after us. 

iv. If you should come just as the family were 
sitting down to a meal or were about to go out. 

15. Although visits, as a rule, should be short, 
you must not break away abruptly, but should wait 
for a favorable turn in the conversation, that you 



CHRIS TIAN POLITENESS. 1 1 3 

may throw in a suitable remark; and then bid good 
by, even if you are urged to prolong your visit. 

16. Taking leave. When the visit is over, rise 
quietly from your seat, which you do not put back 
in its place, take your hat and cane, and salute. the 
family politely, as when you came. If he whom you 
visit is a well-bred man he will accompany you to 
the door, which he will open. Here you bow again. 
If the door opens on the street, put on your hat 
after this salutation; if it gives on the stairs, keep 
your hat in your hand until have come to a corner, 
when you turn and make a final bow, and then only 
the door is to be closed. When other visitors are 
present you may allow the host to accompany you 
to the door of the reception room and no further; 
if there are no other visitors, you may allow him, 
with thanks, to gO' as far with you as the street 
door or to the stairs. 

It is a habit with some to hold the people visi- 
ted in conversation at the door; this practice is an- 
noying and impolite. 



114 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

17. If several persons visit together, the oldest 
or most distinguished takes precedence in every- 
thing. He enters first, he is allowed the preferable 
side on the stairs, namely, next the wall or the bal- 
ustrade. He introduces the other visitors if they 
are strangers, leads the conversation and states the 
object of the visit, gives the sign to take leave, etc. 

It is to be remarked, moreover, that young peo- 
ple are to be presented to the aged, those lower 
in rank to the higher, gentlemen to ladies. These 
or similar words may be used in introductions: 
''Mrs. L., permit me to introduce to you Mr. N." 
If the one introduced is a relative, the circumstance 
may be mentioned. If you are familiar with the 
persons you may say: "Mrs. U, this is Mr. A." 
Then you present the others, simply saying: "Mr. 
G., Mr. A." 

II. WHEN YOr RECEIVE VISITS. 

18. When the door bell rings the visitor should 
not be left waiting long. The servant should open 
the door promptly and bow to the caller, answer- 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 115 

ing his questions respectfully. If the master does 
not wish to receive visitors at that time, he simply 
says: "Mr. B. is not at home." Nor should he ask 
bluntly: "Who are you?'' but "Whom shall I have 
the honor to announce?" Still less should he ask: 
''What do you want with Mr. B?" 

19. When the visitor is received in the parlor, 
as is usually the case, it would be impolite to let 
him wait there long alone. It is hardly necessary 
to mention that in cold weather the room should l^e 
properly heated. If the host is prevented by ur- 
gent business from going at once, he will, if pos- 
sible, send a member of the family to take his place 
until he can come himself. When he does come, 
he apologizes for his involuntary delay. 

If the visitor is received in the living or work 
room, the host rises, goes towards him with a 
friendly smile and welcomes him. Then he reaches 
him the best chair, and, when it is cold, he gives 
him a comfortable place near the fire, etc. In a 
word, all the attentions which people of refinement 



ii6 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

are accustomed tO' show are to be bestowed on the 
visitor to make him feel that he is welcome. 

It is the part of the host to ask his visitor tO' lay 
aside his hat and cane; or if the visit is to last for 
some time, he himself takes them and lays them 
aside. 

20. It is the duty of the person visited to keep 
the conversation going. He should not let any 
signs escape him that would indicate the visit to be 
disagreeable. If he is at work on the entrance of his 
caller, he must lay the work aside when it is pos- 
sible; but if it is urgent, he may excuse himself and 
continue it until he can attend to his guest. 

If he is at table, he must discontinue his meal 
until the guest invites him to proceed. 

If during the conversation a letter should be 
brought to the host, a well-bred visitor will tell him 
to read it. The host will then glance over it, and 
in case it can be attended to later, he puts it aside. 
The same rule holds whenever we are in company, 
for instance, when we are at table, and something 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS, n? 

I — = = . 

is handed to us: we do not examine it until we have 
asked permission of the company. 

21. When your visitor prepares to go, do not 
try to prevent' him. You may ask a personal friend 
to prolong his stay, but when he declines, do not 
urge him further. The well-bred person is polite, 
but not importunate. 

22. When a visitor is leaving, all the company 
stand up. The master of the house goes to the 
head of the stairs or to the door with him. The 
former opens the door and salutes, and he follows 
his visitor with his eyes for a little while. In the 
country the host accompanies his guest even to the 
garden or farm gate. 

Officials who receive visitors in their office are 
excused from this duty; and also ladies to their 
male visitors. They bid their guests good by in the 
room and do not accompany them. 

If the visitor came in a carriage, the host goes 
with him and sees him enter, and when the driver 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 



is ready to start the horses, the bows are renewed, 
and the host goes back to the house. 

23. When there are several in the house to en- 
tertain the visitors, one may go with the departing 
guest while the others stay with the later arrivals.. 
If there is only one entertainer, let him go to the 
door of the reception room with the departing visi- 
tor; but if the latter is a person of consideration, 
as, a bishop, the governor, the host may without 
offense leave his other guests alone for a while to 
show the personage tO' the door. 

24. Visits made to the Pope, to a King or Em- 
peror, to a Cardinal, to a Bishop, are called audi- 
ences. 

If you should ever be so fortunate as to obtain 
an audience with the Pope, you must first apply to 
the proper authorities of the Roman Curia, by 
whom you will be furnished with a card of admis- 
sion. You must also be dressed according to the 
etiquette of the Papal court. 

The day and hour will be fixed when you are to 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 1 1 9 



present yourself at the palace with your card. 
Punctuality is necessary. Officials will take you in 
charge and will lead you to the audience hall. 

Instead of bowing as at ordinary visits, on enter- 
ing into the presence of the Holy Father, you make 
three genuflections, one at the door, one in the 
middle of the hall, and the third at the Pope's feet, 
and there you remain kneeling and kiss the cross 
embroidered on his slipper. 

At the bid of the Holy Father the privileged in- 
dividual rises and remains standing, tells briefly and 
clearly the object of his visit, answers modestly and 
plainly the questions which he may be pleased to 
ask, and listens humbly to his salutary teachings 
and advice. 

The Pope is addressed by the title: Sanctissime 
Pater, Tre's Saint Pere, Most Holy Father, and in 
course of the conversation by Sa.nctitas Vestra, 
Votre Saintete, Your Holiness. 

He himself indicates when the audience is at an 
end, whereupon the visitor kneels to receive his 



20 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 



blessing. Then he rises and retires, moving to one 
side so as not to turn his back on the Holy Father, 
and making his three genuflections to the Pope as 
on entering. 

I will not speak of visits to emperors and kings. 
If you should have an audience with one of them, 
get some friend in the country where he reigns to 
tell you the etiquette of the court. 

As to the President of the United States, wx are 
to treat him with all due respect as the representa- 
tive of that authority of which St. Paul says: "There 
is no power but from God, and those that are, are 
ordained of God." — Rom. XIII. We make our 
bows as on ordinary visits, and if the President of- 
fers us his hand we grasp it w^armly, but not violent- 
ly. In fact, we treat him as we would any Amer- 
ican gentleman. 

A visit to a Cardinal or Bishop has these rules. 
The visitor calls at one of the ordinary hours of re- , 
ception, waits for his turn to be introduced. 
At a short distance from the dignitary he makes a 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 121 

low bow of his body and kisses the ring or kneels 
to receive the blessing: better do both. If invited, 
he takes a seat. \Mien the conversation is at an 
end he rises and retires, without waiting to be dis- 
missed. 

In regard to visits to your parish priest, there is 
a very common abuse against which I would cau- 
tion you. ]\Iany people call on him immediately after 
mass on Sunday, forgetting that he wants a few 
minutes for hia thanksgiving, and afterwards he 
generally sits down to breakfast, if allowed. When 
vou have no other time but this to call on him, at 
least make your visit as short as you possibly can. 

23. Visiting cards are of some importance. 
\Mien employed reasonably they render good ser- 
vice. They answer the double purpose of satisfy- 
ing the claims of politeness and of saving time. 

People whom we do not know well enough to 
visit often, but with whom we desire to be on 
friendly terms, will take it kindly to receive a card. 
It is sometimes also no small comfort to a person 



122 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

in certain circumstances to learn that he is not alone 
and forgotten in the world, but is thought of and 
esteemed by respectable people. 

Still, there may be abuses, and the following rules 
are not out of place. 

i. Grown people only, especially those that 
have an independent station, may make use of vis- 
iting cards, but not children^or students, in whom 
it would only foster thoughtlessness and vanity, and 
cause needless expense. 

ii. The card should not be colored, but white 
stiff pasteboard, whether glazed or not^ between 
three and four inches by two and one-half. A lady's 
card gives merely her name. 

Cards may be written with pen and ink, printed, 
or made from a steel or copper plate. The last 
named are considered the finest. 

iii. Cards are used on visits: (i), as already re- 
marked, to announce yourself through the servant; 
(2), when the person is not at home whom you wish 
to see. Leave your card to the servant to be de- 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 123 

livered on the return of the gentleman or lady, with- 
out bending it; if there is no servant and the door 
is locked, push your card under the door, after 
bending the right hand upper corner backwards. 
In visits of condolence bend the left hand corner 
forward, in both cases as a sign that you delivered 
the card yourself and had the intention of making 
a regular call. When it is a farewell visit, you may 
write in the right hand lower corner the letters, P. 
P. C, Pour prendre conge, to take leave. 

On New Year's day, and on other occasions 
when we wish to show attention to some one to 
whom we 'do not want to speak at the time, we may 
leave our card with the servant to be handed in. 

iv. Cards may also serve as a substitute for a letter. 
Then they are placed in an envelope, unsealed, and 
are sent by mail: (i), in answer to a person who sent 
us his card; (2), to one w^ho sends us a printed ac- 
count of a death, a wedding, a baptism. In case of 
a death the letter P. C, Pour Condol^ance, are 
written on the lower corner. In the other cases, 



24 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 



marriage or baptism, the letters P. F., Pour Fel- 
icitation, are written. 

V. On New Year's day or the patronal feast 
of some one with whom we have had dealings, but 
who is not on such terms of friendship with us that 
we consider ourselves under an obligation to visit 
him or write him a letter. 

In Hke manner we may send our card to such peo- 
ple as the one referred to in the last paragraph 
above on special occasions, as, when he is nomina- 
ted or elected to office, when he is promoted, etc., 
to express our good wishes. In this case also we 
write the letters P. F., Pour Felicitation. 




CONVERSATION. 
/Conversation is familiar talk between two 
or more persons, an interchange of ideas, ex- 
periences, opinions, impressions. In conversation 
we give others a peep into our maital capacity, our 
temper, our character. It is a pastime in which the 
mind, wearied by work or business, obtains rest and 
new strength. It is also a good means to acquire 
new information and to enlarge and take a better 
grasp of what we already possess. Finally, it gives 
us an opportunity to gain credit and influence. 

A good talker makes himself interesting to an 
audience and easily wins their sympathy. It is not 

indeed, given to everybody to carry on a conversa- 

125 



126 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 



tion in a masterly and captivating style, but neither 
is it proper for any one to^ neglect the laws of good 
breeding in company. 

I knew a priest who, when he was going to make 
a social call on some one of the parishioners, used 
to make a special preparation for the visit. He 
would first consider the amount of education^ and 
then the business or profession, and the favorite 
pursuits of those on whom he intended tO' call. 
Suppose he was going to visit the family of a build- 
er or architect, he would read up some article in 
the Encyclopedia and furnish himself with points 
on kindred matters which he would contrive to in- 
troduce at appropriate turns in the conversation. 
The host oil his side was able to call upon his own 
practical knowledge of the subject, and thus the 
conversation went on smoothly, and to the satis- 
faction of host and guest. 

No one will question the utility, nay, the neces- 
sity, of knowing the rules to be observed in conver- 
sation. 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 127 

I. In company, the rules laid down in Chapter 
III for the carriage of the body must be strictly 
observed. In addition we would say: 

Sit where you can look at the people to whom 
you are speaking, so as to be able to observe the 
impression made by your words. But do not get 
so near, that your breath, or even your spittle, may 
annoy anyone. 

I know an old gentleman who had the misfortune 
or the bad habit to sputter in his conversation, and 
the other bad habit of getting close up to the per- 
son to whom he was speaking. One day the old 
gentleman was visiting a neighbor who was very 
particular in dress and person. The old man sat 
just in front of his host, and placing his hand on 
the knee of the latter, he would tap him occasion- 
ally to emphasize his remarks, drops of saliva from 
time to time striking the younger man in the face, 
to his intense disgust. He kept moving his chair 
backward and the other kept following him up, un- 



128 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

til at last the unfortunate victim was literally driven 
to the wall. 

In conversation you should avoid distorting 
your countenance, showing your teeth, etc. 

2. Do not use a language not understood by 
all the company, unless there is a real necessity for 
it, because by so doing you would reduce some of 
the company to silence, and it might look as if you 
had something to conceal from them or were crit- 
icizing them. Thus, English is the language of the 
country. But suppose I were in a company where 
all spoke German and some did not understand 
English, knowing the language, I should be obliged 
to speak German. 

3. The tone of voice in conversation should be 
agreeable, therefore, 

We should not speak in a high, shrill voice, but 
in a moderate, natural tone. If the natural tone is 
harsh, we should try to correct it. 

We should not speak too loud, as if to force our 
ideas on the audience, nor too low, lest we miss the 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 129 

end and aim of speech by not being heard and un- 
derstood. 

The voice is to be modulated according to cir- 
cumstances: in the open air we speak louder than in 
a room; in a large assembly louder than when only 
a few are present; in a lively discussion stronger 
than in teUing a simple story. 

A nasal twang should be avoided. 

In a simple chat do not declaim in such a tone as 
if you were deliverng an oration. 

Do not whisper in company: the conversation 
ought to be general. Others might suspect that you 
were talking about them. 

4. Let your speech be becoming. Whatever is 
low, rough, or trivial should be avoided. There- 
fore no one should ever use curses, or expressions 
that resemble them. Such expressions as "Dog 
gone it," "Son of a gun," are forbidden by this rule; 
because, even if not curses, the-y are unbecoming to 
a gentleman, and still more to a lady. 

I should here recommend vou to take vour New 



130 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

Testament and read the five first verses of the fifth 
chapter of St. Paul's Epistle to the Ephesians. 

There are also indelicate words signifying the 
necessities of nature, the use of which is forbidden 
in company. 

Whilst we must avoid all unbecoming expres- 
sions and allusions, we must be careful not to run 
to the opposite extreme of prudery. It is related of 
a young Protestant minister that in preaching one 
Sunday before a fashionable audience, he wished 
to quote the words of our Saviour: "As Jonas was 
in the whale's belly three days and three nights, so 
shall the Son of Man be in the heart of the earth 
three days and three nights." — John, XII, 40. 

On pronouncing the word whale's the poor man 
became embarrassed, he thought the next word 
might shock the super-sensitive nerves of his au- 
dience, and he put in its place the word company, 
Read the passage with his improvement. 

Here it is proper to remark that the words of 
Scripture should not be used lightly or in jest, still 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 131 

less should they be distorted to profane uses. The 
Bible is the word of God, and should accordingly 
be treated with profound respect by every Chris- 
tian. 

5. Let your language be correct according to 
the rules of grammar and the usage of the best 
speakers. Be careful of your pronunciation, and 
guard as much as possible against lisping, stammer- 
ing, stuttering and mumbling. 

6. In company you should avoid — 
Foreign words and technical terms, which are 

understood by few. The practice of using them is 
a mark of vanity, makes the speaker ridiculous, and 
interferes with the flow of conversation. 

x\void in like manner exaggerated, hyperbolical 
expressions. Thus you should not, to excite in- 
terest, embellish your discourse by the frequent use 
of such adjectives and corresponding adverbs as the 
following: magnificent, superb, astonishing, won- 
derful, calossal, immense, enormous, prodigious, 
monstrous, etc. The word awful is much abused. 



132 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

When you believe a thing to be '^good" say so_, 
and do not tell your audience that it is "awfully 
good;" if it is beautiful, say that it is beautiful or 
that you think it beautiful. The truth alone stands. 

8. In our speech and in our movements we 
should adhere to the rules and forms that are ob- 
served in good society, and which are often great 
helps in our mutual relations. The following points 
are therefore to be noticed. 

In saluting or addressing a person, it is proper 
to call him by name or give him his title if he has 
one: Doctor, Governor, Judge. In this country we 
have such an objection to titles that we usually ad- 
dress our bishops and archbishops simply as Bishop 
Archbishop, not as in other countries by the titles 
of Lordship, Grace, etc. We sometimes, however, 
use the French word Monseigneur in speaking to 
them. 

In answering a question a mere Yes or No is 
not correct. It should be at least a Yes, sir; No, 
sir; Yes, bishop; Yes, madam. 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS i33 

An old Jesuit Father related this incident to me 
years ago. An American gentleman who prided 
himself on the perfection of his English pronuncia- 
tion, being in London, was invited to a fashionable 
dinner. He was not seated live minutes at the 
table when his next neighbor began to ask him 
questions about America. Greatly surprised, he 
asked the Englishman: *'\Miat makes you take me 
for an American? Have I any of the Yankee 
twang?" "Oh no!" answered the other, "but when 
you speak to one of us you say Sir. Here in Eng- 
land it is only servants that say sir to a gentleman." 
If there are Anglo-maniacs around, tell them this 
little story as a specimen of the boorishness of our 
''cousins across the water." 

\\'hen offering or asking for something, do not 
say it in a curt way. There are certain formulas 
usually employed on such occasions, which please 
the one addressed, and to which it is desirable that 
ewery one should be accustomed from early child- 
hood. Thus on offering something you may say: 



134 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

''May I offer you this?" or, ''Permit me to offer-^" 
If you wish for something, bread for instance, you 
might use these or similar words: "Will you have 
the kindness to hand me the bread?" 

Besides you should express your gratitude for 
any service rendered you. Do not say, Thanks, 
but Thank you, sir or madam. 

If you have not understood what was said to you 
do not say. How? What? Hey? but, excuse me, 
I did not understand, or other similar words. 

9. In conversation be conscientious. 

A Catholic is bound above and before all things 
to love God and keep his commandments, to pro- 
fess and practice his faith, to respect the Church 
and her ministers, her maxims, dogmas, interests, 
etc. In the company of Christians nothing should 
ever be tolerated that would conflict with these sen- 
timents and feelings. Hence the following rules, 
many of which belong as much to the catechism, 
if not even more, than to a book on Politeness, — 
are set down here. 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 135 

Conversations against the Church and her reg- 
ulations, against the Pope, the Bishops, priests, 
and reHgious; jokes or mockeries about the saints, 
miracles, devotions, ceremonies of the Church must 
be strictly excluded. In like manner it is improper 
to use the name of God, of Jesus or ]\Iary, as mere 
exclamations. The second commandment forbids 
us to use lightly the name of God, and every Chris- 
tian sentiment recoils from the abuse of that Xame 
at which e^'ery knee shall bow. If the sacred name 
should be uttered in our hearing, even by blas- 
phemers, it is a mark of faith for men and boys to 
raise their hats, and for all to bow their heads. 

Immoral conversations, and expressions that 
would offend a chaste, innocent ear, and might ex- 
cite unbecoming and dangerous thoughts and 
imaginations in the minds of others, must never be 
tolerated. Christian youths and maidens can never 
be too cautious on this point. Far be it from them 
therefore to use double meaning expressions or in- 
decent words, or to tell stories of a scandalous 



136 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

character. Such conversations reveal a corrupt 
heart on the part of the speaker, and may play sad 
havoc in the souls of others. 

In one of our large Catholic Universities some 
years ago a big youth began to utter some vulgar 
language before a group of boys, several of whom 
were small, when one of the big boys turned on the 
foul-mouthed individual and administered to him a 
well-merited rebuke. "You contemptible fellow," 
he said, ''are you not ashamed to speak that way in 
the presence of any decent people, but especially 
of children? Go, wash your mouth, and then per- 
haps you will be fit to throw swill to swine." He 
accompanied his words by a sound slap on the big 
fellow's mouth. There was much blustering, and 
many threats were uttered by the latter, which he 
never dared to carry out. 

Another observation is in place here, namely: 
Light and thoughtless remarks should not be made 
about persons of the other sex. These frivolities in 
speech are not admitted in good society. 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 137 

10. Be discreet in conversation. 

Secrets confided to us should never be revealed. 
Such a breach of confidence would be both dishon- 
orable and sinful. 

No one should speak of what would remind any 
person in the company of some unpleasant circum- 
stance in his life and would be painful to him; such 
as a quarrel in which he got the worst of it, a fault 
or a mistake he once committed; in a word, any- 
thing that he might consider as a reproach. 

We should be somewhat reserved in speaking be- 
fore people whom we do not know, lest we might 
reveal to them something withheld from them here- 
tofore, or something that might reflect on them or 
their relatives. 

Do not talk mysteriously, after the fashion which 
Hamlet required his two friends, Horatio and Mar- 
cellus, to swear against: 

"That you never shall, 

With arms encumbered thus, or this head-shake, 

Or by pronouncing of some doubtful phrase, 



138 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

As, 'Well, well, we know,' or 'We could and if 
we would/ 

Or 'If we list to speak,' or 'There be, and if they 
might.' 

Or such ambiguous giving out, to note 

That you know aught of me." — Act. I, 173. 

Such hints are imcomplimentary to the company, 
because they would indicate that there is some 
knoAvledge in your possession which you will not 
trust them Avith. You should either tell your great 
secret plainly, if it is one to be told, or you should 
not hint at it. 

Never pry into matters that do not concern you, 
especially when the person interested does not want 
the things to be known. Do not try to find out 
everything about everybody: who are the parents, 
what is their business, how much they are worth, 
where they live, etc. Paul Prys are despised. 

Do not play the eavesdropper. Go away when 
you notice that people want to talk by themselves 
and wish to be alone. 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 139 

You should not blurt out what you have seen 
and heard m private houses and circles, unless it is 
of such a nature that none of the persons concerned 
would object to have it known. No one likes a 
babbler. 

II. Be modest in speech. The modesty we here 
speak of is a virtue that teaches a person to be dif- 
fident of himself, not to set himself above others, 
and rather to forget self and push them forward. 
Nothing sooner and more surely gains him the 
good will of the people, and nothing repels them 
more violently than the opposite. Therefore 

Do not speak too much. I know a lady who is 
very earnest and zealous in the church society of 
which she is a member. But she talks so much at 
the meetings that the other ladies dropped out. It 
is in vain that the pastor calls for meetings of the 
society. She alone responds to the call. The other 
ladies say that they also have the interests of the 
church at heart and have something tO' say if they 
got the chance. 



140 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

The great tragic poet Racine once revealed "o 
his son the secret of how he made so many friends 
and how the meetings at his house were so numer- 
ously attended. "I speak Httle," he said, "and I 
am less anxious to display my own wit than to 
bring others to the front." 

Young people especially should take this lesson 
to heart. They must speak Httle, but be good list- 
eners; they should answer questions modestly and 
put in an appropriate word now and then. • 

Zeno the philosopher said to a young man who 
when he once began to talk did not know when to 
stop: "We have two ears and one tongue, and we 
should learn from this to speak little and to listen 
much.'* 

On the other hand, it would be intolerable for a 
person, old or young, purposely to keep silent all 
the time. Whoever joins a company should do his 
part in entertaining and interesting the company. 

Be not vain and conceited, and therefore, do not 
make yourself the hero of your own stories, do not 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 141 

I ^ 

keep repeating the selfish pronoun I, do not speak 
constantly of yourself, your family and its wealth, 
your doings and your experiences. Such vanity is 
insufferable, and is well calculated to deprive you 
of the esteem and of the good will of the listeners. 
In company, therefore, we should speak of what is 
of interest to all, and not to ourselves only. 

In mentioning a number of persons of whom you 
are one, name the oldest and most dignified first, 
and yourself last. Thus, do not say^ ''I and my 
brother and father," but, "My father, brother 
and I." 

12. Be charitable in conversation. 

This charity requires and presupposes many 
other virtues: humility, self-conquest, magnanim- 
ity. But it works charmingly. It cheers, comforts, 
encourages, strengthens, as the dew on the early 
summer morning refreshes the drooping flowers 
and brings out their colors. Therefore, 

Be obliging, always ready to do a good turn; 
comply with the wishes of others as far as duty 



142 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

allows and your ability reaches; hide your own sor- 
rows in your bosom and try to lighten theirs, etc. 

Avoid everything that might be annoying or 
painful to others. Never turn corporal defects or 
deformities into ridicule, and do not make fun of 
the looks, the color, the hair, the name, the pro- 
nunciation, or anything else that may appear to you 
strange in anyone. Most people are sensitive in 
these matters, and are easily hurt. 

Do not look contemptuously on anybody nor 
seek to humiliate him. On the contrary, show 
your regard for his human dignity, recognize and 
show proper appreciation of his abilities, services, 
success, and try to give him a chance to display his 
good qualities. Let it be your aim to have every- 
one part from you well pleased, and carrying away 
with him the conviction that he has made a good 
impression. 

Never join in uncharitable conversations about 
the absent, but bear in mind these lines of St. Au- 
gustin: 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 143 

Quisquis amat dictis absentum rodere vitani, 

Hanc mensam vetitam noverit esse sibi. 

''Whoever loves by his words to tear the reputa- 
tion of the absent, let him know that this table i^ 
forbidden him." 

We should all avoid the conduct of those ignf'ble 
souls who delight in gathering up scandals and in 
relating them with all their details, in order to make 
themselves interesting. 

Of the dead speak not at all, unless you have 
something good to say of them. 

De mortuis nil nisi bene. 

Nor should one speak contemptuously of a na- 
tion, a parish, a city, a family, otherwise he runs the 
risk of uttering a rash judgment and of making 
many enemies for himself. 

Care should be taken when blaming and crit- 
icizing:. There are some that hardlv notice what 
is beautiful and praiseworthy in an object, but who 
quickly see whatever is defective or incorrect, even 
when those faults are insignificant. Such argus- 



144 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

eyed critics are like the man who, walking amongst 
beautiful flower-beds, sees not the beauties that sur- 
round him nor notices the grateful odors, but who 
shows his displeasure at a few blades of grass grow- 
ing on the walks, or some pebbles which the gar- 
dener neglected to remove. 

Such a carping spirit is unworthy of a person of 
the least refinement, and shows a groveling mind. 
Students w^ho make a practice of attacking and try- 
ing to turn into ridicule whatever their teachers 
and prefects do or say, should take particular no- 
tice of what is here written. By their conduct they 
wound charity, disedify those that listen to them, 
confirm themselves in a spirit of insubordination, 
and make their own lives unpleasant. 

In like manner, it is against politeness for a 
scholar to seek out what is disagreeable in the ways 
or appearance of his fellow students, and to exag- 
gerate it for the sole purpose of amusing himself 
and a few kindred spirits. 

We should not joke at the expense of others. 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. i45 

Ridicule is a dangerous weapon, nor may it be 
turned against everybody. It may cause bad blood 
in the person who is its object, and may rankle long 
in his heart, and at the same time it provokes the 
friends of the party attacked. It is true that the 
joker may sometimes raise a laugh; but it is equally 
true that he will make himself disliked. 

A joke or witty saying is allowable when it is 
harmless, does not hurt anybody, and the one who 
is its object takes it in good part, and especially if 
he is able to defend himself. The good joke is the 
one that takes the company by surprise and thus 
pleases them. Jokes, however good they may ap- 
pear to the joker, should not be gotten off on supe- 
riors, because it would be a lack of the respect due 
to them; nor on inferiors, who could not pay us 
back in our own coin; but only on equals. 

The use of puns should not be frequent. One 
that is appropriate and comes suddenly Hke a flash 
strikes everybody agreeably; but when it is far- 
fetched it becomes intolerable, more especially 



146 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

when the utterer of it is always watching for the 
opportunity to make one. 

Here, however, is an instance of a joke got off 
by Daniel O'Connell, which hurt, it is true, as it 
was intended to hurt, but which, I think my read- 
ers will say, was perfectly justifiable under the cir- 
cumstances: 

When O'Connell was a member of Parliament 
and was fighting for Catholic emancipation, a bigot 
whose name was Thomas Massy-Massy proposed 
that the word mass should be suppressed by act of 
parliament in such compounds as Christmas, 
Michaelmas, and the word tide be substituted, mass 
being too popish a term. O'Connell was instantly 
on his feet to second the motion, at the same time 
suggesting that the gentleman try the change oil 
his own name. ''How would it do for the honor- 
able member to call himself Tidy Idy Tidy?" It is 
said that there never was such a roar of laughter in 
the house of commons as greeted this sally of Irish 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. H7 

wit. Needless to say that Tidy Idy Tidy's motion 
was not heard of again. 

The practical conclusion to draw from what has 
been said here is: to preserve our good humor if a 
joke should be made at our expense, but for our 
own part not to amuse ourselves at the cost of 
others. 

Care must be taken when giving admonitions or 
corrections. A person should always weigh them 
carefully beforehand. He should possess his own 
soul in peace, never administer correction when he 
is excited, and never in presence of others, especi- 
ally of strangers, unless when it is a plain duty. The 
voice of reason can be best heard when it speaks 
quietly and calmly. If you wish to benefit the 
guilty, you must know how to spare him. 

Moreover, use polite expressions in the re- 
proaches which you feel yourself obliged to make. 
The practice of expressing everything in plain and 
direct words, 

D'appeler chat un chat, et Rollin un fripon. 



148 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

''To call a spade a spade and a liar," as Boilean 
says, is not the style. 

I was once asked to look over the Prospectus of 
a new academy which was about to be opened by 
a community of Sisters. One paragraph mentioned 
certain grave breaches of discipline which would 
entail the punishment of expulsion on the offender. 
I called the attention of the superioress to this 
word, and she had the paragraph changed at once. 
That dire punishment might have to be inflicted 
some time or other on an incorrigible girl, but it 
went by a milder name, and the public were not in- 
formed of the matter. 

To a reprehension, even when given in a mild 
but firm tone, which is the kind of reprehension 
most likely to be well received, it is advisable to 
add some hearty words of encouragement. The 
physician sugar-coats the bitter drugs which he ad- 
ministers and thus makes them easy to take with- 
out lessening their efficacy. 

The blessed John Gabriel Perboyre, before he 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 149 

went as a missioner to China, where he suffered a 
glorious martyrdom in 1840, after having been an 
entire year subject to all sorts of diabolical tortures, 
was President of a Petit Seminaire or preparatory 
college. Those young French students were not 
all of them at all times models of industry and 
obedience. When admonitions and detentions had 
proved ineffectual to correct them, the superior 
would send for the culprit, and with tears he would 
remind him of his fault and of what the institution 
and his family were aiming to make of him. And 
then he would add some such words as these: 

''My boy, you do not know how many prayers 
and tears I have been offering up for you, nor how 
many penances I have done in your behalf, for if 
you only knew, I think you would change your 
life." • 

Those words seldom failed to make a salutary 
impression on the young delinquent and to bring 
him to a sense of his duty. 

13. In relating an incident or telling a story one 



150 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

should be interesting and not wearisome. Conse- 
quently, 

If we are speaking in a large assembly, we should 
not choose a topic that is of interest only to our- 
seh^s or to a few, but, as far as possible, of some- 
thing that will interest all, and in the discussion of 
which all can take a part. 

Do not speak of your own sufferings and troubles 
unless you are expressly urged to do so. People 
that grumble and complain are disagreeable. Bear 
your cross bravely alone and do not cast a gloom 
over the company. 

Do not speak of people with whom the company 
are not acquainted, nor on matters that are too 
high for the capacity of the audience or beyond 
their range of vision. 

14. In regard to story-telling, notice the follow- 
ing points: 

Do not tell too many stories, lest you become 
tiresome to theliearers. 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 151 

Do not drag in your subject, but wait until it fits 
in naturally with what has been already said. 

Do not repeat what has been often told, and with 
which all are familiar. The pleasantest stories when 
too often told become insipid. 

Do not give out as true what you have invented, 
else you run the risk of not being believed even 
when you tell the truth. 

Before beginning your story, you need not as- 
sure your audience that it is interesting. Some 
might differ from you in opinion. Xor should you 
be the first to laugh at your own jokes. Real wits 
usually keep a serious face even in their funniest 
stories. 

A story ought to be simple, fively, short, and 
clear; before all things, it should not be prolix. 
Do not enter into trifiing details. Go straight to 
the point, speak clearly, and bring on your cli- 
maxes as soon as may be. 

Do not keep repeating trifling words that mean 
nothing and contribute nothing to the story, such 



1 52 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

as: "And so," "As I said," "Do you know?" "Is 
it not so?" "Do you mind?" 

Some people have a favorite expression^ and are 
not aware that it sounds ridiculous to others. I 
knew one, for instance, whose pet exclamation was 
the word "Gosh!" and he would utter that word at 
times with an emphasis that would seem to ex- 
press much. Better that, of course, than a profane 
word; but where is the need of either? 

15. In speech one should be a lover of peace, 
and not contentions. 

If anything is said that annoys us, we should not 
let ourselves be excited, but should be patient and 
show no signs of what we feel. To enter into a 
war of words would be to slight the rest of the com- 
pany. Besides, more is gained by an ounce of gen- 
tleness and charity than by a hundred-weight of 
convincing reasons. 

If others, in our presence become involved in a 
dispute, let us not take sides, but rather try skill- 
fully to give the conversation another turn. If this 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 153 

does not succeed, it is generally better to be silent. 
The fire goes out by itself when no new fuel is 
added. 

Ex-Governor Hoard of Wisconsin was able to 
tell a good story, and to tell it well. Sometimes 
when political discussions were growing so hot as 
to threaten serious consequences, Hoard, with im- 
perturbable countenance, would get off a story to 
the point which set the assembly in a roar of laugh- _ 
ter and restored good humor. 

16. However, discussions will arise. It might 
be desirable for all of the company to be of one 
way of thinking, yet it is sometimes of advantage to 
have a diversity of opinion. The calm and dispas- 
sionate arguing of a point will throw new light on 
the subject and make the company more lively. 
Du choc des opinions jaillit la lumiere. ''From the 
clashing of opinions light springs forth." 
The following points are to be noticed: 
Avoid discussions on religion and politics, be- 
cause they often lead to bitter feelings. We know 



154 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

that our Catholic faith is often exposed to attacks 
by non-Catholics, and that we should be prepared 
to give an account of the faith that is in us; but 
when we have calmly stated what is the real doc- 
trine of the Church on the point in question, we 
generally have done enough to set unprejudiced 
hearers a-thinking. But do not let yourself be car- 
ried away by anger when you hear a calumny re- 
peated, which has been answered and refuted a 
thousand times. 

Allow yO'Ur opponent in any matter of discussion 
to state his views and reasons, and do not interrupt 
him. Do not accuse him of folly or of bad faith, 
and never apply to him any insulting words or epi- 
thets. Only what is to the point, what is a fact and 
is stated in a becoming way, with reasons to sup- 
port it, reflects credit on the speaker and may bring 
him victory. Abusive and insulting words, on the 
contrary, embitter and often make a breach be- 
between the persons which may be hard to repair. 

Young people should not readily enter into a 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. i55 

discussion v»'ith their elders, and in like manner sub- 
jects with their superiors, unless they are challenged 
to it 1)y them, and even in this case they would gen- 
erally do better to excuse themselves. 

17. In regard to conversations, the following re- 
marks are to be taken into consideration: 

If anything is asserted that does not seem to be 
true, you should not blurt out: "That is not so," 
or, "That is a He," or, "You are entirely mistaken." 
You should make your correction in milder terms, 
for instance: "That is really strange; excuse me, 
please, if I differ from )0u in opinion; later news 
has arrived, which I just heard as I was coming." 
Only when we know positively that a person is de- 
liberately trying to mislead us and the company 
may we positively refuse to accept his statements. 
If a stranger come in during the recital of a 
story so as to interrupt it, the audience after his 
departure should ask the speaker to resume, say- 
ing, for instance: "Will you not have the kindness 
:o continue your interesting talk?" or, ''\ou were 



1 56 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

saying ..." If the newcomer joins the 
party, politeness requires that someone should 
make for his benefit a brief summary of what was 
said, especially if the late arrival is a person de- 
serving of consideration. 

If you notice that others are not minding the 
speaker, turn to him and pay him special attention. 
He will be likely to remember this mark of interest 
that you took in him. 

The audience ought to share in the feeHngs of the 
speaker. When his subject is comical, they should 
be prepared to laugh at the proper time; if it is 
mournful, they should look sad. The relation of a 
criminal act should move them to indignation, of a 
deed of heroism, to applause; of a misfortune, to 
sympathy. 

18. Politeness requires us to listen attentively 
and sympathizingly to whoever is speaking in com- 
pany, and to show by our conduct that we feel an 
interest in what he is saying. Therefore, when any- 
one is speaking, you should not busy yourself with 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. i57 

other things; for instance, reading the papers, writ- 
ing letters, cutting the leaves of a magazine or 
book, drawing silly pictures, etc. 

You should not give signs of weariness, and con- 
sequently should avoid yawning, moving restlessly 
from side to side, pulling out your watch. I once 
knew a gentleman who occupied one of the front 
seats in his church, who would pull out his watch, 
sometimes when the priest had been preaching for 
not more than a quarter of an hour — and the priest 
could see him doing it. 

Do not keep making signs to others, laughing, 
tittering, etc. 

Don't go to sleep. If you feel tired, or even dis- 
gusted, withdraw quietly, but do not show signs of 
disapprobation or contempt. 

19. To interrupt anyone when he is speaking is 
entirely out of place. Therefore, 

No new subject is to be introduced until the 
speaker has finished. 

Do not interrupt the speaker under the pretense 



158 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

of knowing better than he the subject of which he 
is speaking. Let him say his say to the end. Then, 
if vou think it necessary to correct some assertion 
of his, do so in a polite way. To be too ready with 
correction is often a proof of vanity and pride. 

If the talk should be really too long and weari- 
some, you must not break in abruptly and put a 
stop to it. 

20. Only in the following cases is it proper to 
interrupt a speaker: 

Now and then to express approval when it is 
really deserved, or to encourage a timid speaker. 

When we have not caught the point in some nar- 
rative that interests us. Of course, in such a case 
we must be polite, saying, for instance: ''Excuse 
me, sir, or madam, I did not catch what you said/' 
or, "May I take the liberty to interrupt you for a 
moment?" 

If anyone should speak against religion or moral- 
ity, or utter profane words. Then it becomes a pos- 
itive duty to call the oiTender toi time. 




MEALS. 
F^ ATING and drinking are physical necessities 
and gratifications, which may easily lead to ex- 
cesses and may sink a man very low. They often 
show whether or not the soul has gained command 
over the body and how far the education of the 
animal man has progressed. 

At the table there is an interchange of thoughts 
and ideas, an opening of hearts, an approach of soul 
to soul; and therefore in the family life the meals 
are of considerable importance. The pleasant and 
the sad events of the family, baptisms, marriages, 
funerals, anniversaries, are generally attended with 
meals of ceremony, which help not a little to draw 

159 



1 60 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

closer together the family ties and to remove un- 
pleasantnesses. Even in the daily routine the mem- 
bers of the family who are scattered, at business, at 
work, in school, etc., are gathered together for 
meals, and there the mutual love and kindly senti- 
ments of the members have an opportunity to ex- 
press themselves and to take deeper root in the 
heart. 

But that these laudable purposes may be fully 
attained and that the mere animal act of taking food 
may be kept above all that is low and degrading, 
nay, that it may be raised and ennobled, propriety 
has in course of time laid down certain prescriptions 
which no person claiming to be a gentleman or 
lady will transgress. The following are among the 
chief: 

I. When a person of distinction is to be invited 
to a dinner or supper, the invitation should be de- 
livered personally; for our equals or inferiors in the 
social scale, we may invite them through the serv- 
ants, preferably in writing, and always at least a day 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. i6i 

ahead of time. The invitation should be couched 
in simple but cordial words. This form of words is 
given merely as a suggestion: 

John Blank would be pleased to have Mr. Paul 
Dash to dinner at his house, 3202 X street, on 
Monday, the: 17th of this month, at 5 o'clock p. m. 

Every such invitation requires a prompt answer, 
whether it is accepted or not. If you accept, here 
is a formula to §;uide you in your answer: 

Paul Dash cordially salutes Mr. John Blank, 
thanking him for the invitation to dinner, and he 
promises himself much pleasure from the accept- 
ance thereof. 

If you decline, you should give a reason, but only 
one. To give several would make it appear that 
you were too anxious to find pretexts for keeping 
away. 

Whether the answer be an acceptance or not, it 
should not be sent by the servant who brought the 
invitation, but by your own servant. If you accept, 
you must keep your appointment. 



1 62 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS, 

Should anything happen meanwhile to prevent 
you from going, you should promptly inform the 
host. 

2. A person should never go to a banquet unin- 
vited, never call on people at meal time, and never 
bring someone else to a dinner or supper when he 
alone is invited. 

Be on time, neither too early or too late. The 
most approved plan is to arrive at the house five 
minutes or thereabouts ahead of time. If you come 
too soon, you would be in the Avay, whilst the peo- 
ple of the house are busy with their preparations; 
and when you come too late you show disrespect to 
your host and to the guests, who may become im- 
patient if they have to wait. Even at home, be on 
time for the meals. The food does not improve by 
being kept. 

Washington was always exact, and he expected 
others to be the same. When some of his invited 
guests came late, as was the bad fashion of his day 
— a fashion which some people follow even now — 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 163 

they would find the General seated with his prompt 
guests. He would apologize to the late comers by 
saying that his housekeeper was always on time. 

Not only when dining out, but also at home, one 
must come to the table completely dressed, not in 
shirt sleeves nor in dressing gown and slippers. 
The shoes and clothes, as well as the hands and 
face, should be clean, and the hair properly combed. 

If a person is afflicted with some physical malady 
that would excite disgust, especially in strangers, 
he should stay away. 

3. The master of the house welcomes his guests 
in a friendly manner, leads them to a room, if pos- 
sible, near the dining room, and entertains them 
until it is time to sit down to table. It is he that 
takes them to the refectory. 

On entering, you are not to look eagerly at the 
dishes, lest you should be taken for a glutton. 

4. It is the part of the host to assign their places 
to the guests. The place of honor is for the lady of 
the house, or in her absence for the master, unless 



i64 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

some person of great importance should be pres- 
ent> to whom the master of ihe house may resign 
his place as a mark of courtesy, if he so' choose. 
The second is usually that opposite the first. The 
third and fourth place are to the right and the left 
of the lady or the gentleman of the house. 

If there are cards at the plates, each one seeks 
out his own and stands behind the chair which his 
ticket assigns him. He may also look at the tickets 
of his neighbors to the right and the left, and if 
they have not found their place, he should beckon 
to them. 

If there are no cards, wait quietly at a distance 
until the host assigns you a place. If he leaves the 
guests to choose their own places, follow the direc- 
tion of the Gospel and take the lowest. 

Do' not sit until the host takes his place. 

5. Before meals a Catholic always says grace. 
This is an act of gratitude which we owe to God. 
Whatever we receive is a gift of His goodness and 
liberality, and it is only right and proper that we 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 165 

express our gratitude. It is also an act of justice 
by which the soul, before granting the body what 
it is entitled to, asserts her claim to be what she is 
and always should be: the mistress. Besides, it is a 
petition to God tO' keep away all e^'il from the fqod 
and to strengthen our will, so that we may not let 
ourselves be carried away and subdued by sensu- 
ality. Do not forget the words of St. Paul: 
"Whether you eat or drink, or whatsoever else you 
do; do all to the glory of God." — I. Cor., x., 31. 

Grace before and after meals is usually said 
standing; but where it is the custom, it may also 
be said sitting; but it ought to be said piously, with 
eyes cast down, as is becoming when we speak to- 
God. Particular attention should be paid to the 
making of the sign of the cross. 

W^hen we take our meals at a hotel or at a rail- 
road station, it may be often better to say our grace 
so as not to be noticed, not because we are ashamed 
of the devotion, but on account of the scoffing or 



i66 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

blasphemous remarks that might be made in mixed 
company such as is found in those places. 

6. Whether we take our meals at home with 
the family, or with others at a public banquet, we 
must neyer lay aside the rules of proper behavior. 
Therefore: 

At table we must not wear any covering on our 
head. 

We must not sit too far back nor too close to 
the table; so as not tO' be awkward. 

We must not roll up our sleeves, like a surgeon 
who is going to perform an operation, or as if we 
were going to wash our hands. 

We must not put our hands under the table, but 
rest them on it. 

We must not rest our elbows on the table, nor 
lean too far back, nor bend over the plate, nor 
should we drop our head at every morsel we take, 
etc. We should rather sit erect,, but without stiff- 
ness or constraint. 

We must not stretch out our legs, especially so 



CHRPSTIAN POLITENESS 167 

as to touch the person opposite us or our neigh- 
bors, nor stick our elbows out to the annoyance of 
those that sit next us. 

7. The napkin is intended principaUy to wipe 
the Hps and the fingers. It is to be spread upon 
the knees. Some writers are in favor of fastening 
it to the collar or to one of the upper buttonholes; 
others condemn this practice as suited only for 
children in the nursery. In this matter I will re- 
frain from casting a vote, but leave the question to 
be decided by each one for himself. At a dinner of 
clergymen at which I lately assisted, the guests 
were about evenly divided in practice. 

You should not wipe the glasses, plates, spoons, 
forks, etc. This is sometimes done, but it is a re- 
flection on the hostess and her housekeeping; it 
says plainly that you suspect the household of lack 
of cleanliness. 

8. The spoon is to be taken in the middle of 
the handle with the thumb and two fingers, and 
this can be done gracefully. With a turn of the 



i68 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

wrist you can introduce the spoon into your mouth, 
but not the whole side of the spoon, only half. 

The ordinary way to eat meat is to cut a piece 
off your slice and with the fork in the left hand to 
raise it to your mouth. Another way is to cut your 
slice into convenient morsels when you are ready to 
eat it, and then to use your fork with the right 
hand. This is the style in some European coun- 
tries. 

I have seen people holding their knife and fork 
as the writing pen is usually held; but this style is 
hardly tO' be recommended for adoption. In using 
knife, fork and spoon, keep your elbows near your 
side, and do not poke your neighbors with them. 

The knife is to be used only when needed to cut 
something, and until then let it lie in its place on 
the table. You are not tO' carry it to your mo'Uth, 
to make gestures with it, nor to hold it with the 
point turned towards the ceiling. If you have to 
use your own knife in cutting any article of which 
others may wish to eat, clean it first on your bread, 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 169 

in case it were greasy, or were moist from cutting 
fruit. 

Should you have to pass any of the three articles 
here spoken of to another person, reach it to him 
so that he can easily take it by the handle. After 
you have used your fork and spoon, you may not 
hand them to someone else, nor may you help him 
with them out of the dishes. There should be sep- 
arate articles for the dishes. 

I knew>l young man whose practice it was when 
he wanted to take a slice of bread from the plate or 
basket, to spear it with his fork, instead of taking 
it with his hand. When I asked him why he did so, 
he told me that the boys in the college where he 
had studied used to do it. I wonder if he was not 
mistaken. His practice, at least, was wrong. 

9. When a waiter carries the dishes around, he 
begins at the head of the table, then goes to the 
guest on the right and to the others in turn on the 
same side until he has made the circuit. He stands 
at the left of the one whom he is serving. The 



170 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

latter helps himself with his right hand, with the 
spoon or fork that lies in the dish, according to the 
food that is offered. Meat cut in slices is tO' be 
taken with a fork, not with a spoon. 

If the dish is to be passed around by the guests 
themselves, the one at the head of the table usually 
gives it to his neighbor on the right, who passes it 
on tO' the next. Each grasps the dish with his right 
hand, then takes hold of it with his left and helps 
himself. 

In handing the dish or plate to a neighbor, the 
side that is easiest' to take hold of should be pre- 
sented to him, the side that is not too hot, or also 
the side on which is a choice piece which is the 
easiest within reach. If the dish is too hot, caution 
your neighbor. 

In regard to helping yourself, the following 
points are worthy of notice: 

Do not take too much on your plate. If you 
should afterwards want more of the same dish, you 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 171 

may ask for it again; but it is hardly proper to call 
for it a third time. 

Take what is next your hand, and therefore do 
not turn the dish around in search of your favorite 
morsel; do not push the food around in search of 
what you want; and do not put the piece back from 
your plate on the dish when you have once taken 
it^ in order to choose another, etc. Such a pro- 
ceeding would be not merely a gross offense against 
good breeding, but would also be a sure sign of 
lack of self-denial and self-control. 

Do not push or spill the victuals from the dish 
on to your plate, but take them out with the fork 
or spoon. The sauce also should be dipped out of 
the sauce boat or dish with a spoon, and not poured 
out. In putting back the spoon, care should be 
taken not to let it slip in so that others would be 
prevented from using it. 

Do not begin to eat until some of the older or 
more distinguished guests have begun; and do not 
keep on eating after the others have finished. "Art 



172 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

thou at a great table? be not the first to open thy 
mouth upon it. Stretch not out thy hand first. 
. . . Leave off first, for manners' sake." — Ec- 
cles., xxxi., 12, 16, 20. 

Do not be in a hurry to be served, but wait for 
your turn. 

At big feasts do not eat of every dish. Too 
great a variety at one meal is not promotive of 
health; and it might give occasion to the other 
guests to make remarks. 

If a dish is offered us that we do not like, or that 
even excites disgust in us, w^e must not give expres- 
sion to our feelings, but let the dish pass on. Should 
you discover anything disgusting in the food — an 
insect, a hair, a piece of coal — put it quietly under 
the edge of your plate without calling the attention 
of the other guests to it. 

I read of a Frenchman who carried his polite- 
ness in this matter to an extreme which few, if 
any, would care to imitate. As he was about tO' 
begin on his salad he discovered a caterpillar in it. 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS i73 

Just et the moment he happened to^ glance at the 
lady of the house; who gave him an imploring look 
which seemed to say: Do not make your discovery 
known, for it would put me and the house to 
shame. Without a moment's hesitation this gal- 
lant gentleman turned the salad over to hide the 
ugly insect, drove his fork into it, and ate it, cater- 
pillar and all. 

Should you in chewing find a piece of bone or 
any hard foreign substance, do not spit it out on 
your plate, but raise your spoon to your lips and 
drop it in it, or take it in your fingers and put it on 
the edge of your plate. 

If anything falls to the floor, as a potato, a 
piece of meat, a fruit, it is to be picked up without 
drawing attention and laid on the edge of the plate, 
but not eaten. 

lo. We must carefully avoid whatever may dis- 
gust our fellow guests. 

Thus, we must not mix, on our plate or in a 
glass, things that do not suit together, or that are 



174 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

against good taste; for instance, potatoes or meat 
in the soup, pepper or salt in the wine or the 
water. 

We must take care not to slobber, and we must 
be careful in coughing or sneezing. Should any- 
thing get into the wrong passage, we must make as 
little noise as possible and keep from drawing atten- 
tion to ourselves. 

In eating, do not smack your lips or clack your 
tongue, and in taking soup do not draw it in with 
a noise like sucking. 

Try to avoid soiling the tablecloth and your 
clothes when taking sauce, or by filling your glass 
to overflowing. The glass need not be filled more 
than three-quarters. 

Do not lick your fingers, or put them in your 
mouth to clean your teeth. 

Do not smell the food or call on others to 
smell it. 

Do not touch the food with your fingers. I 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS i75 

have seen people help themselves with their fingers 
to a slice of meat ofT the common dish. 

Do not wipe your lips with your hand. The nap- 
kin is to be used for that purpose, and for your 
fingers, when necessary. 

Do not lick the spoon or fork, or wipe them with 
the napkin. 

Do not help yourself from the common dish with 
* your own spoon or fork. 

Do not put anything back on the dish after you 
have begun to use it. 

If anything unclean should fall into the glass, do 
not remove it with your fingers, but with your 
knife or a clean spoon, and as much as possible 
without attracting notice. 

Do not attempt to speak or to drink when your 
mouth is full. 

Do not put too much in your mouth at once. It 
is healthier and more becoming to take your food 
in small pieces. 



176 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

Do not eat too fast nor bolt your food. Haste 
in eating shows poor training. 

Do not pour the sauce from your plate into the 
spoon or into your mouth. 

In chewing your food, keep your lips together. 

11. When the head of the house gives or sends 
a guest some article of food, the guest is not to 
O'ffer' it to another, but tO' keep it for himself. It is 
the business of the host to know whom he chooses 
to distinguish. 

When anyone shows us a mark of attention, we 
should answ^er kindly, not by a curt yes or no^ or 
thanks. If the waiter presents us a dish, we accept 
of it without saying anything, or we decline, say- 
ing merely, I thank you, no. 

It is impolite tO' be urgent in pressing any article 
of food on a guest. 

12. You should speak to the waiter no more 
than is necessary to make known your wants, arid 
what you do say to him should be in a low voice, 
and simple, plain, but polite. Call him by his first 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 177 

name, as Peter, William, Nicholas, and do not call 
out "Waiter!" which savors toO' much of the res- 
taurant; nor need you say Sir to him. 

13. In general, we need^ not speak m.uch at 
table. Never whisper tO' your neighbor, as if you 
had a secret to entrust to him; do not speak of the 
food, unless there is some good reason to do so, 
and in this case you should not lay any stress on 
the subject nor do any boasting. Do not find fault 
with anything on the table, especially the wine; but 
neither should you be lavish with praise of the food 
or drink; and finally, do not speak of or even men- 
tion things that are in any way repulsive. Asking 
to be excused does not justify you in this. 

14. Do not look peevish or morose at meals, 
nor reckless and wild; do not keep your eyes fixed 
on your own or another person's plate; do not raise 
your voice, nor strike the table with your fist, noi 
laugh when the others do not know what you are 
laughing at. Be friendly and cheerful, but re- 
served. > 



178 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

15. We cannot recommend you too earnestly 
to be always attentive and obliging to your fellow 
guests, to pass them the dishes, fill their glasses, 
give them what they want. We must not think 
only of self and pay nO' attention to others. Nor 
should we be absent-minded at table, nor sunk in 
our ow^n thoughts, so that when others want any- 
thing that is out of their reach, they must ask us 
for it, and then perhaps we hand them the wrong 
article. 

16. When the plates are changed, make no ob- 
jection. You need not hand them to the waiter, 
but let him take them. You may, indeed, put your 
hand on the plate to tilt it up a little on the other 
side, or you may push it to the right to make it 
easier for him to pick it up. The waiter stands at 
the right of the guest when removing the plate. 

17. We should not take more on our plate than 
we think we can eat, and usually we should not 
leave anything. This rule holds for the cup and 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. i79 

the glass as well as for the plate: there should be 
no heel taps. 

1 8. Do not touch the dessert until your turn 
comes to help yourself. Then take only what you 
yourself want, and do not put any in your pocket 
unless the host should expressly tell you to bring 
some home, for a sick child, for instance. 

19. Should you want something that is at a 
distance, do not stand up and reach across the 
table for it, nor leave your place to get it, but call 
on the waiter; and if there is none, ask one of the 
guests to hand or pass it to you. 

20. If the guests are numerous, carry on a quiet 
conversation with your nearest neighbors; if they 
are few, the conversation should be general. 

21. Where it is the custom, but not elsewhere, 
a person may pick his teeth at table after the dishes 
are removed. He must not use his penknife or the 
prong of his fork, but only a toothpick. Whilst 
doing it, I would advise you to hold your napkin 



1 80 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

before your mouth, so as not to annoy or disgust 
anybody. 

22. In regard to drinking, the following points 
are to be observed: 

Do not drink before you take soup or whilst you 
are taking it, nor invite anyone tO' drink with you 
at that time. 

Do not take the glass in your left hand, nor 
grasp it with your whole right nor with both hands, 
but take it with the thumb and the first two fingers 
of your right hand, raise it straight tO' your mouth, 
and then put it to your lips and drink. When your 
lips are greasy, wipe them beforehand with your 
napkin, not with your hand. Do the same after 
drinking. 

Do not drink much wine at table. 

23. Here are some other Don'ts to be observed: 
Don't drink greedily and in a hurry, lest you 

should spill some of the liquid on your chin. 

Don't drink a whole glass of wine in one 
draught. 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 



Don't drink when your mouth is full or when 
you are speaking. 

Don't put the glass far into your mouth, nor 
leave grease on the border. 

Don't look around in all directions, or fix your 
gaze on someone, whilst drinking. 

Don't cough or hiccough, or make a noise as of 
sucking. 

Don't smack the wine or beer before drinking, 
as if you were in doubt as to its quality. 

Don't keep clinking glasses over and over again, 
as some ill-bred people do. 

Don't draw a loud breath after drinking. 

Besides these general rules tO' be observed at 
meals, there are special rules for certain articles of 
food, which must be noticed for daily use. 

24. SOUP. Soup is to be taken with the 
spoon, without any help from the fork. All the 
guests should partake of it. If it is toO' hot, you 
may stir it with the spoon to make it cool more 



1 82 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS, 

rapidly, but you should not blow it. This last point 
holds for all articles of food. 

We are not allowed to break bread into it, nor 
pour in wine or water. Crackers or toast, however, 
are sometimes served up to be put in the soup, and 
we may use them. 

You should not make a noise in taking soup, nor 
fill the spoon to overflowing. Besides, you must 
not raise the plate to your lips to get the last drops, 
but you may tilt it to get what remains with the 
spoon. If after this anything is left in the plate, it 
may stay. 

The spoon is to be left in the plate, because it is 
generally not used again. 

25. BREAD. When the plate or basket con- 
taining the bread is handed you, take a slice with 
your fingers, not with the fork or knife. Do not 
choose, but take the top piece, or the one that is 
nearest you. Should your neighbor want bread, 
hand him the plate, but do not take a piece to give 
him. 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. ■ 183 

The bread should not be cut on the table, as this 
would injure both the cloth and the table; nor is it 
usual to cut the bread at the table, but to break it. 

If you are to divide a piece of bread with your 
next neighbor, take it in your left hand, cut it 
straight across in the middle and hand him the end 
with the crust — the butt of the loaf. If you cut it 
lengthwise, give him the side with the hard crust. 

Do not bite off the piece of your own slice that 
you are going to eat, but break it off with your 
hands. 

Do not separate the crust from the soft of the 
bread, to eat only the one or the other. Do not eat 
too much bread at your meals. 

Do not clean the plate with bread in order to get 
all the sauce. Let the cleaning be done by the 
servants in the proper place. AMiat the fork will 
not take up should be left on the plate. 

Handle the bread in a way that crumbs do not 
fall to the floor. And if perchance they should fall, 



1^4 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

do not step on them; for this would be an abuse of 
a gift of God. 

It is not forbidden to steep bread in the coffee. 

26. SALT. Salt and pepper are taken with the 
point of the knife and sprinkled on the food or put 
on the plate, never taken with the fingers or the 
handle of the fork or spoon. If the knife has been 
used, it should be first cleaned on the bread. If 
the pepper and salt are in casters, they are shaken 
out of them on the food. 

2y. MEAT. Like vegetables, meat is to be 
eaten with the fork. You should never touch it 
with your hand, nor put it tO' your nose to smell, 
nor tear it from the bone with your teeth. The 
knife and fork are here to be employed, and the 
bones are not to be held with the fingers. 

An exception tO' this rule is made for cutlets and 
birds, which may be taken by the end of the bone 
farthest from the meat and cut with the knife. 

When the meat has been removed, do not put 
the bone on the tablecloth nor back in the dish; 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 185 

neither should you throw it on the floor on pre- 
tense of giving it to the dogs or cats, but leave it 
on your plate. 

Never dip your meat or bread in the common 
dish, or the sauce boat. If you want gravy^ take 
some on your own. plate with a spoon. 

There are two styles of eating meat. One is to 
cut our slice into small morsels as soon as we take 
it on our plate, as we do for small children; and 
then, with the fork in our right hand, to take the 
morsels as we want them. The other and common 
way, is not to cut up the whole slice at once, but to 
cut off a piece as we want it and to continue until 
we have finished our portion. 

28. EGGS. In eating soft-boiled eggs, the fol- 
lowing points are to be observ^ed: 

Put the tgg in the cup with the little end down, 
as it is easier to extract the meat from the other 
end; break off the top of the ^gg in a circle with 
your knife; take the white out of this separated por- 
tion, not with your mouth, but with the little 



i86 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

spoon; take salt with the salt spoon, or, if there is 
none, with the clean point of your knife, and 
sprinkle it on the tgg; pepper in like manner. Then 
you may proceed to eat your tgg with the little 
spoon, or "dip long, thin slices of bread in it and eat 
until you have all that the bread will reach; then, 
wdth the little spoon take and eat what remains; 
break up the shell and lay it on your plate to be 
carried away by the waiter. 

The Don'ts in this case are: 

Don't suck any or all of the ^gg] don't pour out 
the contents of the ^gg on your plate; and don't 
mix them with other articles of food. 

29. ASPARAGUS. Take the asparagus in 
your fingers by the thicker end, where it was cut 
off from the root, dip the other and softer end in 
the sauce prepared for it, which yoii have already 
poured upon your plate, and eat the tender portion 
until you come to the tough part, and lay this part 
on your plate. 

30. APPLES and PEARS. Fruit may be 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 187 

served as dessert. If the apples and pears are 
large, you may cut one in two and offer one-half to 
your next neighbor, or you may put it back in the 
dish; but a gentleman never offers to share with a 
lady, unless she herself asks him tO' do it. 

\Adien eating apples or pears at table, the fruit is 
first divided into quarters. Each piece is then 
peeled according to its length and carried tO' the 
mouth with the hand. 

The Don'ts are: 

Don't eat the fruit as children do, by. taking bites 
out of it; don't peel it all together; don't raise the 
pieces to your mouth on the point of your knife; 
don't leave one-half on the table while eating the 
other. 

31. GRAPES. Don't take the grapes from the 
bunch with your teeth, but one by one with your 
fingers. Don't swallow the husks, but put your 
hand to your mouth and take them out, and then 
put them on your plate. You may do the same 
with the seeds, unless you prefer to chew and swal- 



1 88 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS, 

low them, Avhich is hardly beneficial to the teeth, 
since little pieces will stick in or between them. 

:^2. NUTS. Nuts are to be opened with a nut 
cracker, or if there is none, with the knife or the 
hand, but never with the teeth. It would be in- 
jurious to the teeth, and would at the same time be 
altogether contrary to good taste. 

33. ORANGES. There are two ways to eat 
oranges. They may be cut in four and peeled like 
apples, or the rind alone may be cut with the knife 
and removed with the fingers. Then the orange 
may be parted according to the division made by 
nature, and the separate portions raised to the 
mouth with the fingers, with or without sugar, ac- 
cording tO' your taste. 

34. STONE FRUIT. Cherries and small 
plums are put into the mouth whole, and the stones 
are to be taken out with the hand and laid on the 
plate. Peaches, apricots, large plums, may be cut, 
or broken in two with the hands, the stones laid on 
the plate, and the-^portions ^aten separately. The 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 189 

stones must not be let drop on the floor, nor broken 
open. 

35. PEACHES- Peaches are cut and peeled 
like apples, with this difference: that in some kinds 
the rind can be removed with the hand. The pieces 
may be sweetened with fine sugar, if so preferred, 
and then they are raised to the mouth with a spoon. 
It is not the correct thing to pour wine on them. 

36. STRAWBERRIES. If strawberries are 
served in the natural state, you remove the stem 
with your fingers and eat them, putting the stems 
on your plate. If sugar and cream or wine are 
added, use a little spoon, the stems having been 
already removed. 

37. SWEETMEATS AND PRESERVED 
FRUITS are eaten with a spoon. 

38. BUTTER. \Mien you use butter, you are 
not to spread it over the whole sHce of bread, but 
only put it on each little piece as you are going to 
eat it. In some places it is the custom, when cof- 
fee with milk is served for breakfa^;., to butter the 



1 90 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

whole slice at once. Where this custom prevails, I 
see nO' reason why you may not conform to it. 

39. COFFEE. Coffee is taken with or with- 
out milk. Pour into your cup as much coffee as 
you want^ add milk, then two or three spoonfuls of 
sugar, and stir up. If you wish you may break 
bread into your coffee, with or without butter. 
Then you take the mess with your spoon. You 
should empty the cup or bowl. 

Black coff'ee is ordinarily served up after a big 
feast, and in small cups. Put in the sugar, usually 
one or two lumps, according to- your taste and the 
strength of the coffee. Take the sugar with the 
sugar tongs, and if there is none, with the thumb 
and index finger. 

If the coffee is too hot, do not pour it into the 
saucer, nor blow on it, l^ut stir it gently with the 
spoon. Drink your coffee out of the cup and not 
out of the saucer. If some should spill into the 
saucer, pour it back into the cup and drink it. 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 191 

When drinking, leave the spoon on the saucer, not 
in the cup. 

40. Should a dish be set on the table which is 
new and strange to you, and which you do not 
know how to use, either decline tO' take any, or 
watch the other guests to see how they proceed. 

41. When there is reading at table, silence 
should be kept and everyone should be attentive, 
both from a desire of learning and out of regard to 
the reader and the other guests; and, as much as 
possible, no noise should be made with the articles 
on the table nor with our hands or feet or the 
chair, nor should we talk with our neighbors, nor 
laugh and make signs. The same rule should be 
observed when there is singing, music, or other 
performance for the amusement or instruction of 
the guests. 

42. When a toast is proposed, all the guests rise 
at a sign from the master of the feast, take their 
full glasses in the right hand, and listen to the 
words of the speaker. When he concludes, they 



192 CHRISTIAN' POLITENESS. 

raise the glasses as high as their faces and clink 
them with the person who has been toasted and 
wdth the speaker, when this can be done, and also 
with the other guests, or at least with those on the 
right and on the left. 

43. It belongs to the master of the house or the 
president of the feast to give the sign for with- 
drawing. When he thinks it is time, he casts a 
final glance right and left to see if all have finished, 
puts his napkin aside, and rises. The guests doi the 
same, laying their napkins beside their plate, with- 
out folding them, and they say grace piously as 
they did before the meal, in thanksgiving to God 
for what they received from Him. The people of 
the house, and regular guests, who are to take 
their -place at the oext meal, fold their napkins. 

No one should withdraw before the end of the 
meal. If it be necessary to leave on account of 
business, you should, if possible, explain the case 
beforehand to the host, and, when the time has 
come, you quietly excuse yourself to your immed- 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 193 

iate neighbors, say your grace in silence, and go 
your way without disturbing the guests. 

44. After grace each person makes a bow to the 
guest on his right and on his left, chats with them 
for a little while, and then retires, with a smile and 
a bow. It is not necessary to thank the host on 
departing; it is enough to express the pleasure de- 
rived from the company and the service. 

45. After having received an invitation to 
dine, it is the duty of the recipient to make a per- 
sonal visit to the giver of the dinner, whether the 
invitation was accepted or declined. It is not 
enough to send a card. 

We here subjoin a few rules, brief but of impor- 
tance. 

Well-bred people at table are 

i. Moderate and temperate: they neither eat 
nor drink to excess, nor too eagerly. 

ii. Modest and humble: they do not act boldly 
and without restraint, and do not choose the best. 
The German poet expresses this idea. 



194 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

%m %\\6) befc^etben, 
5!JJtt bem %x\nttjQxn, mtt ber 9ftebe — 
2)ret3elf)nlinben. 

"Modest at table with glass and speech." 

iii. Unpretentious and mortified: they eat 
what is set before them, and generally less than 
they would like of those dishes that are most to 
their taste. 

iv. Polite and dignified, respecting themselves 
and their table companions. 

V. Amiable and obliging: they forget them- 
selves and look to the wants oi their neighbors. 

It would help us much in the practice of Chris- 
tian politeness were we to ask ourselves occasion- 
ally during meals: If Our Divine Lord were in my 
place, how would he conduct himself? 




IN CHURCH. 

' I ^HE Church is the house of God. In the taber- 
nacle dwells our Lord himself, the Redeemer 
of the world, surrounded by myriads of angels. If 
great honors are shown to the mighty ones of this 
w^oirld in their palaces, how much more should we 
honor Him before whom the angels tremble and 
hide their faces, and before whom the mightiest of 
this world are but miserable worms crawling in the 
dust. In presence of his Eternal Majesty we are 
overwhelmed and we are penetrated by the sense of 
our unworthiness; and therefore we must always act 
humbly and modestly with recollection and decor- 

195 



196 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

um. Nowhere is politeness more strictly required 
than in the presence of God in the Holy Place. 

By his reverent conduct in the church one shows 
one's respect for religion, and preserves in one's 
self religious sentiment — sensus-religionis — and this 
counts for much. Unfortunately our young men 
sometimes become estranged from the practice of 
the Church, from prayer, from the sacraments; but 
if they retain in their breasts a genuine respect for 
what is holy, what is divine, there is still hope that 
some day they will return tO' their duty. They have 
not entirely broken off their connection with relig- 
ion. A favorable occasion may present itself in 
which faith will blossom forth again in all its vigor 
and beauty. 

Even humanly speaking how could there be a 
spot upon earth more calculated to inspire the 
Christian with respect than our churches? In the 
church the most serious and most important events 
in our religious life take place. In the church we 
are admitted to- the communion of saints by bap- 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 197 

tism; here we speak to God in prayer and in the 
divine service; here we are reconciled with Our 
Lord and Saviour when we have sinned; here w^e 
are nourished with the true bread that cometh 
down from heaven in holy communion, and we re- 
ceive strength to meet the troubles and battles of 
life; here that knot is tied which unites two loving 
hearts for all time, and which is the foundation of 
the family; here our tears flow when the Lord in- 
flicts sorrows and losses upon us; here our prayers 
and entreaties are offered up to the Almighty when 
one who was near and dear has been taken aw^ay 
all too soon by inexorable death; here the noblest 
sentiments of our hearts are fostered, heroic decis- 
ions are formed; the loftiest sacrifices of love and 
resignation are made. 

In the church the word of God is delivered to 
us in its gentle and persuasive way, or in a voice ot 
thundering eloquence, stirring up the just to a 
greater earnestness in the preservation of their vir- 
tue and piety, waking sinners from the sleep of sin 



198 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

and bringing them back to the way of righteous- 
ness, and leading all to the love and service of God 
and preparing them for heaven. 

The church may therefore be called the labo^ratory 
of the Christian Hfe. It is really and truly the lad- 
der of Heaven, on which the Angels are ever ascend- 
ing with our prayers, our pious deeds, our good 
works to set them before the throne of God; and 
are constantly descending with their hands full of 
graces to pour out upon poor and suffering mor- 
tals. Truly this place is holy and must be treated in 
a holy manner. Therefore take to heart the follow- 
ing principles: 

I. To be a Catholic is the highest and noblest 
title on this earth; but be a Catholic out and out, 
with the fullest conviction of your intellect, and let 
your convictions appear in your conduct. In yo-ur 
movements, in your posture when you kneel, sit, 
or stand, in your looks, in your whole person, show 
the faith that is in you. Let everything manifest 
how deep a reverence and love of God animates 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS i99 

you, how profoundly you respect the holy Catholic 
Church and rely upon her mission for the salvation 
of man. 

2. The Christian, when he visits the church or 
attends the services, must never be careless and 
slovenly in dress, but clean, tidy, modest. He 
must not go in slippers or with his clothes tucked or 
rolled up, and he must not come to church in negli- 
gee. Girls and women must always wear a cover- 
ing on their heads. 

Moses was commanded from the burning bush: 
"Put oft the shoes from thy feet: for the place 
where thou standest is holy ground." — Exodus, III 
5. How much more respectfully and becomingly 
should we approach that throne erected by God 
himself in the tabernacle of our churches! 

3. On entering the church, take holy water with 
the middle finger of your right hand, touch your 
forehead with it, and bless yourself piously. 

4. Having done this, go to the bench "or pew 
where you are to take your seat, make a genuflec- 



200 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 



tion with your right knee to the floor; then take 
your place, kneeling on both knees, make the sign 
of the cross, and spend a little while in adoration, 
that is to say, in greeting the Blessed Sacrament, 
spending in this act about as long as it would take 
to say an Our Father. 

If there are no seats in the church, you will of 
course kneel on the floor or on the kneeling bench, 
but it should be on both knees. I have seen boys 
and men kneeling on one knee, even at the solemn 
moments of the consecration and the communion; 
and I have seen others leaning back on the seat 
behind them while making believe that they were 
kneeling. Both these postures are unbecoming at 
prayer. 

5. Whenever you make the sign of the cross, 
you should make it piously and respectfully. Place 
your left hand below your chest, raise your right 
hand open to your forehead, with the palm turned 
towards you, then touch your breast, and finally 
your left and right shoulder, saying at the same 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 201 

time: In the name of the Father, and of the Son 
and of the Holy Ghost. Amen. 

Don't strike your breast after having crossed 
yourself. 

There are great mysteries suggested and expres- 
sed by this sign: why should not we recall them 
when we make it? In invoking the Father and 
placing our hand on our forehead, we may consider 
ourselves as devoting our life to the Father from 
whom we received it, and which has its principal 
seat in that vault that surmounts the forehead. 

When we next pass our hand down towards the 
heart, where this same life of ours, which is con- 
stantly wearing and eating itself away, is renewed 
by the impulse given to the blood, we name the 
Son, who became man for us and died on the 
Cross, to restore by his blood the life of grace 
which sin had destroyed. 

Moving the hand from the breast to the shoulder 
and from one shoulder to the other whilst invoking 
the Holy Ghost, tells us that grace, which makes 



202 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

the yoke sweet and the burden Hght, comes from 
the Holy Ghost. 

The words taken together place before us the 
great mystery of the Holy Trinity. And the cross 
formed on our breast becomes as a protecting wall 
between the soul and the sinful life of the world. 
How can a Christian make this sign thoughtlessly 
and mechanically? 

Therefore do not make the sign of the cross with 
one or two fingers, but with your entire open hand; 
when you pass the hand from the forehead down, 
do not bring it below to the stomach; touch your 
forehead, stomach, left shoulder and right. Do not 
sign yourself too quickly and in a thoughtless man- 
ner, as if you were driving away flies. Remember 
that it is a prayer, and should therefore be gone 
through with piety and respect. 

6. There are two proper ways of holding your 
hands when you are not using a prayer book or 
beads. 

You may fold them, by inserting the fingers of 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 203 

one hand between those of the other and crossing 
the thumbs^ the right thumb over the left, and keep- 
ing- your hands before your breast. This is the 
posture of one that is in need of help and knows it, 
"a prisoner in the Lord/' as St. Paul calls him- 
self.— Eph., IV, L 

Not only in the church is this posture recom- 
mended, but it is becoming whenever and wher- 
ever we are engaged in prayer: at home as well as 
in church, in public and the privacy of our own 
room. But you should not let your hands droop 
below your breast, which would show carelessness; 
nor raise them higher, which would look childish. 
Besides, the hands should be held upwards and not 
straight out in front of you; and all the fingers 
should be interloc'ked, not stretching out the two 
index fingers under your chin or your nose. 

The second way of holding the hands is: to join 
the palms together, \\\\X\ the fingers extended and 
the right thumb across the left. This is the manner 
of holding them on solemn occasions, as when 



204 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

going to the altar to receive, when serving mass. 
But care should be taken not to have the fingers 
pointing straight forward nor downward, but point- 
ing upward; neither should the finger-tips 
merely be joined together and the palms of the 
hands kept apart, but the palms should meet. 

7. Kneeling is the posture in which we are to 
offer to God the worship that is due to Him, and 
to converse with Him in devout prayer. If we have 
a proper understanding of our relationship as feeble 
creatures to- our Creator and Sovereign lyord^ and 
if our sentiments correspond to this knowledge, it 
will be hardly necessary for us to be told that we 
should kneel properly. We are to distinguish here 
between genuflecting, and kneeling properly, so- 
called: 

i. The genuflection may be simple or solemn. 

We make a simple genuflection when keeping 
our body erect, we bend the right knee until it 
touches the floor near our left heel, either letting 
our arms hang loosely down by our side, or placing 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 205 

the left hand open on our chest and letting the 
right arm hang down. 

In genuflecting we must therefore not merely 
bend the knee, but we must bend it so low as to 
touch the floor; we must not place our hand on a 
bench or other support in order to make it easier 
for us to rise. This is allowed only to weak and 
old people. We must not rest either or both hands 
on our knee when genuflecting. And we must hold 
our body erect. 

The solemn genuflection is made by putting both 
knees on the floor, in other words, kneeling, with 
body erect whilst in the act of kneeling, and then 
making a profound bow. This genuflection is made 
when you enter and when you are leaving a church 
in which the Blessed Sacrament is exposed. Dur- 
ing the Exposition, those who serve at the altar, 
when passing before the Blessed Sacrament, make 
the simple genuflection. If you happen to enter 
church at the Elevation or the Communion, make 
the solemn genuflection. 



2o6 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

ii. We usually pray kneeling. An intelligent 
being, who from his inward convictions and in a 
spirit of piety kneels in Xhe holy place or in his 
silent room, shows by this act that he has a proper 
idea of the relationship between the Creator and 
the creature. We should therefore always kneel 
properly. Since we speak to God in prayer^ and 
we should give edification to the neighbors, it be- 
comes a sacred duty for us to assume a proper pos- 
ture at prayer. 

The correct way of kneeling is to place both 
knees on the floor or the kneeHng bench, holding 
the body erect, with the heels together and the toes 
a little apart and resting on the floor, whilst the 
folded hands are held before the breast or are 
placed on the back of the seat in front. 

The don'ts in kneeling are: 

Don't spread your knees apart. 

Don't kneel on one knee only, keeping the other 
knee up in front of you or the leg stretched out 
behind. 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 207 

Don't cross your feet. 

Don't bring your toes together and separate your 
heels. 

Don't sit back on the bench, still less on your 
heels. 

Don't He forward on the seat in front. 

Don't turn your chair around and lie on it. I 
have seen men who should know better than to as- 
sume this posture. 

Don't lean your head or your chin on your hands, 
and don't keep passing your lingers through your 
hair. 

Don't turn your head from side to side. 

8. \\dien you enter the church before the be- 
ginning of mass or other devotions, you are free, 
after making your adoration as prescribed above, 
to sit or kneel, reading a prayer book or saying 
your beads, praying silently or making a medita- 
tion, as: your heart dictates; making the way of 
the Cross if there is time; praying for the souls in 
purgatory, for your relatives and friends, for your 



2o8 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

own personal necessities. Do not remain idle in 
church. 

When the priest in the sacred vestments enters 
the chnrch and ascends the altar, the people rise as 
a mark of respect, and they kneel down when he 
descends again to begin mass. 

9. As to the posture to be maintained during 
divine service^ the following rules are to be ob- 
served: 

i. During High Mass the faithful kneel until the 
Epistle, from the Sanctus until after the Commun- 
ion, and the blessing. They stand at the two Gos- 
pels and the Credo, sit during the sermon and 
whenever the celebrant sits; and they kneel or sit 
according to choice at the other parts of the mass. 
It would be quite improper to sit after the Conse- 
cration. Only sickness or extreme weakness can 
excuse this. According to the practice in this coun- 
try, it is allowed tO' sit after the Credo till the Sanc- 
tus, whether the mass be low or high. 

ii. At Vespers. We kneel at the beginning, 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 2og 

and also at the first verse of certain hymns, as: the 
Ave Maris Stella, the Veni Creator Spiritus, etc.; 
we stand from the Dens in adjutorinm till after the. 
entoning of the first psalm, and also at the Mag- 
nificat; we sit during the singing of the psalms; 
for the rest of the time, we are free to kneel, stand 
or sit. 

iii. At the Benedicton of the Blessed Sacra- 
ment. The faithful kneel as soon as the priest goes 
up to the altar to expose the Blessed Sacrament, 
and remain kneeling until It is returned to the tab- 
ernacle; they stand on Saturday evening and on 
Sunday as also during the entire Easter season at 
the singing of the antiphon of the Blessed Virgin; 
they sit during the sermon. 

lo. At the beginning of the two Gospels, pious 
Christians make their little crosses with their thumb 
on the forehead, the mouth, and the breast. At the 
words Et incarnatus est in the Credo they genu- 
flect on one knee. When the host is raised at the 
Consecration, the people look at it with an act of 



210 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

faith in the real presence, and then they bow down 
profoundly in adoration, and in like manner at the 
elevation of the chalice. 

At the Domine non sum dignus, they strike their 
breast three times, at the blessing they bow low 
and make the sign of the cross; and at the Gloria 
Patri and at the name of Jesus they bow their head. 

II. During the Consecration and at the Bene- 
diction of the Blessed Sacrament the silence should 
be most profound. Coughing, hawking, and other 
noises which are unbecoming during any part of 
the divine service when they can be avoided, are 
doubly improper in these solemn moments. 

The following suggestions may be found valu- 
able. At the Elevation of the Host and Chalice, 
when you bow down to adore, strike your breast 
three times, saying: O Jesus, for thee I live! O 
Jesus, for thee I die! O Jesus, living and dying, 
thine I am! Or you might say: O Jesus, be gra- 
cious to me! O Jesus, be merciful to m.e! O Jesus, 
forgive me my sins! Or My Jesus and Believer, 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 2 1 1 

forgive me! You may use the same invocations 
at the Benediction of the Blessed Sacrament^ and 
before rising from your bent posture, bless your- 
self. 

What an impressive scene is presented by an en- 
tire congregation in this hushed adoration of their 
Sacramental God, no sound heard but the silver 
tinkle of the little bell rung by the white-robed aco- 
lyte, whilst the sweet perfume of the incense fills 
the sacred edifice! It is as if we heard the breath- 
ing and whispering of the Holy Ghost as he pours 
grace and consolation into the hearts of the assem- 
bled beHevers. 

Should you happen to enter the church at either 
of these solemn moments or at the time of the com- 
munion, you should kneel just inside the door, so 
as not to disturb the people, and then go quietly 
and modestly to your place. If you come during 
the sermon, take the first vacant place you see and 
remain there till the sermon is over. 

12. During the Exposition of the Blessed Sac- 



2i± CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

rament, whether during mass or outside of it, it is 
recommended not to sit, but either to kneel or 
stand respectfully. It \YOuld be a shame for us if, 
in the very presence of the King of kings, and 
I^ord of lords, we failed in the least in the respect 
due tO' him. 

13. When going to Communion, leave off your 
gloves and cloak, if you wear them, lay down your 
book^ join your hands palm to palm before your 
breast with the fingers pointing upwards, and gO' 
quietly to the communion rail and kneel there, 
holding the communion cloth in a manner that 
would prevent the sacred host from falling on 
the floor, should it perchance slip from the priest's 
hand. Do' not rise from your knees the moment 
the priest has placed the host on your tongue, lest 
you should jostle the person next you; but after 
swallowing the sacred host, rise and go back quiet- 
ly to your place as you came, and remain for some 
time in meditation and prayer, without using a 
book. For a quarter of an hour you must conscien- 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 213 

tiously abstain from spitting. Your thanksgiving 
should never be less than a quarter of an hour. 

1 haA'e sometimes given communion to girls who 
wore hats with very broad brims and who, to make 
matters worse, kept their heads bowed down. This 
was awkward, as I had to choose between stooping- 
down to see where I was to place the host, or to 
make the girl a sign to raise her head. At other 
times a girl with a waving plume would suddenly 
bow her head after receiving, at the risk of having 
the ornament come in contact with the hosts in the 
ciborium. These matters are deserving of atten- 
tion. Girls and women who wear veils should be 
careful that these becoming articles be not in the 
way. 

Do not point the tongue too far, let it rest on the 
lower lip. and, when too dry, moisten it. Do not 
stare at the priest, but, for an instant, look at the 
sacred host, and then receive it with downcast eyes. 

14. When going to confession, the first thing to 
be attended to is, of course, the preparation. As 



214 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

soon as your turn comes, go promptly, respectfully 
and humbly to the confessional, as becomes a per- 
son who has a contrite heart. It would be exceed- 
ingly improper, and might even be an indication 
of want of faith, to lean carelessly over the bench, 
to gaze around and joke with one's neighbors, to 
laugh and make funny remarks, or otherwise to be- 
have with levity while waiting for your turn, and 
in this spirit to present yourself tO' the priest for 
confession. In like manner it would be contrary 
tO' all Christian sentiment to leave the church im- 
mediately after confession, without spending any 
time in recollection and thanksgiving. 

A true penitent likewise never speaks out of the 
confessional of what he told the priest, or what the 
priest said to him. 

When your turn comes, be ready to go in at once 
to the confessional, but while waiting do not kneel 
or stand so close that you run the risk of hearing 
what is said to or by another penitent. 

15. When prayers are said aloud, every one 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 215 

should join, saying his part in a clear and audible 
voice but without shouting, and neither dragging 
nor going too fast. Are Ave not justified in crying 
shame on the congregation in which only a few of 
the children give the answers, the other people re- 
maining silent or muttering the prayers under their 
breath? Prayer said in common, when it is said 
earnestly and becomingly, is pleasing and edifying, 
but if it is said carelessly or only by a small frac- 
tion of the congregation, it disedifies. 

Where the beautiful practice of congregational 
singing has been introduced., all the parishioners 
should try to qualify themselves to join; but there 
are some unfortunates who have neither voice nor 
ear, and for them it may be best that they say their 
own prayers, without attempting to sing. 

AMien the choir alone sings, it would be out of 
place for an individual in the body of the church 
to take it upon himself to join in, as this would be 
calculated to distract the people around him and to 
interfere with their devotions. 



2i6 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

1 6. As to conduct in the choir, I think I cannot 
do better than to quote here some passages from 
the late F. Stoffel's "History of St. Joseph's 
Church, South Bend, Ind/' 

"There is surely nothing more exalting, nothing 
more consoling, nothing more sublime, and noth- 
ing more heaven-like upon earth, than the solemn 
services of the Catholic Church. Here man for- 
gets the curse of Adam's sin, here he forgets all his 
cares and toils; here, and here alone, he feels that 
he is more than a beast of burden or a bird of prey; 
here he forgets all lower instincts and feels himself 
in attriis domus Domini sui, in the halls of the 
house of his Lord. 

"If here the priest acts the part of Christ, the 
choir's part must be that of the angels that re- 
mained faithful and of men that are of good will. 
Like the chorus of old, the choir represents the con- 
gregation. In the name and for the whole congre- 
gation the choir accepts and returns the blessings 
that are exchanged in the name of Christ; in the 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 217 

name of and for the whole congregation the choir 
implores the mercy of God in the Kyrie eleison, 
gives glory to God in the highest and wishes peace 
to men on earth in the Gloria in Excelsis, and 
makes a solemn and public profession of faith in the 
Credo. It transports the congregation before the 
very throne of God and joins the angels in heaven 
when they sing: Sanctus, Sanctus, Sanctus, Dom- 
inus Deus Sabaoth. Holy, holy, holy is the Lord 
the God of Hosts! and again in the Agnus Dei it 
beseeches the Lamb of God who taketh away the 
sins of the world to have mercy on us and to grant 
us peace, which is Christ's own choicest blessing. 
The part which the choir takes in the divine wor- 
ship here upon earth is indeed, as it were, a prac- 
tice for the great concert which is to crown the 
Creation of God. 

'This is the reason why in Catholic churches the 
members of a choir cheerfully give their services 
free of charge. They sing solely for the honor and 
glory of God and would not allow themselves to be 



2i8 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 



defrauded of their heavenly reward by accepting a 
paltry pay, whether the pay be extended in shining 
silver or in the sounding brass of newspaper pufifs. 

''Nor, indeed, do they want to act like the street 
parade of a circus, as a drawing card for extraordi- 
nary solemnities. The Catholic Church has her 
regular succession of Feasts and Festivals which 
need no advertising, and her special devotions are 
in themselves sufificient to attract the people that 
appreciate them. 

''For fellows that know^ of no cheaper place to 
entertain their girls of a Sunday evening, or for 
pleasure-seekers in general, the Catholic Church 
makes no provision, and if even an accidental choir 
should aim to launch out in that direction, their 
efforts, at the best, could never hold their own 
against the attractions of a theatre or a public 
dance. No church choir, no more than the pro- 
verbial Frenchman, can afford to try to sit between 
two chairs, if it does not want to come to grief in 
one way or another." 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS- 219 

It is unfortunate that sometimes the members of 
certain choirs forget the noble part which they are 
performing. Therefore a few additional remarks 
may be in place. 

There should be no talking in the choir beyond 
what is strictly necessary, and even this should be 
carried on in a low voice and with the fewest pos- 
sible words. The musicians need to be particular- 
ly watchful over themselves on this point, because, 
having occasion at times to give or recieve direc- 
tions, they may easily fall into the habit of talking, 
sometimes even of holding regular conversations 
during the sermon. I once went up to a choii 
after high mass and apologized for having preached 
so loud that I might have interfered with their con- 
versation. 

The members should be on time, and should 

have their parts ready beforehand, so that they 

may avoid noise and confusion during the service. 

As to petty disputes and jealousies, which belong 

to the weakness of poor human nature — musical 



220 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

human nature not excepted — let them not be ven- 
tilated inside the house of God, for that would be 
a profanation of the sacred act in which one is en- 
gaged. 

17. You should' provide yourself with a good 
prayer book, not necessarily very large, but com- 
plete. A good prayer book is a wise teacher, a 
faithful monitor, an experienced guide in the path 
of virtue, a powerful support to the soul in its 
heaven-ward journey. The earnest Catholic always 
holds his prayer book in honor, since it does him 
such service. Therefore he keeps it clean, whole, 
well cared for, and it should be the best bound and 
richest of all his books. 

The prayer book might very well also be carried 
as our standard; not in the pocket, as is too often 
the practice, but openly in our hand or under our 
left arm; it should not for convenience sake be left 
in the church. Why should we, like cowards, try to. 
hide the fact that we are Catholics and are going 
to Church, 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS ^21 

18. We are. not to exchange greetings in the 
church. 

19. \Yq should be more prompt and careful in 
preparing to g'o to church than for any other as- 
sembly. Be on time^ and do not hang around the 
door of the church until service has begun. Let me 
repeat with emphasis: Be on time. 

Do not leave the church until services are over. 
It is only in cases of real and urgent necessity that 
anyone should go out sooner. 

20. It is hardly necessary to say that the ordi- 
nary rules of politeness are to be observed in the 
church more carefully than anywhere else. There 
must be no talking nor laughing nor gaping around 
in the church. Do not hang around the vestibule, 
but take the place that belongs to you, or if you 
have no regular place, seek an unoccupied seat. 
In many of the churches there are ushers to show 
strangers to vacant seats, and you should take the 
place that he assigns you when you have none of 
vour own. 



222 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS, 

This last point is to be particularly observed by 
boys and young men. Parents, too, should take 
notice of it, and see that their sons as Avell as their 
daughters, take their place in the family pew. I 
have often seen a number of young men putting 
their handkerchiefs on the floor and kneeling on 
one knee in the vestibule, or just inside the church 
doors, when there were vacant pews; and in some 
of our churches we had to make rules and regula- 
tions against this practice, which we found hard 
to break. 

21. At funerals and processions the rule is for 
men and boys to go bareheaded. It is only ex- 
treme cold or heat that can excuse one from this 
practice. In processions of the Blessed Sacrament 
none are excused, neither the members of Societies 
nor the singers and musicians, nor those who' carry 
banners, candles or the canopy. If they cannot take 
their hats along, in their hand, let them put them 
aside until the end of the solemnity. 

When the rosary is said in procession, hold your 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 223 

beads in your right hand as high as your breast. 
All who take part in this pious exercise should con- 
duct themselves decorously. To keep looking from 
side to side, staring at the people on the street or 
in the windows, tO' make signs, to show levity, 
w^ould be disedifying and impolite. 

22. The Angelus is said kneeling throughout 
the year, when that is possible, except during East- 
er time, when the Regina Coeli takes its place, as 
well as on Saturday evening and Sunday through- 
out the year, and also on Saturday noon during 
Lent, at which times it is said standing. 

If we happen to be on the street when the An- 
gelus bell rings, men and boys should take off their 
hats and keep them in their hands until they have 
said the prayer. If a person is in company when 
the bell rings, let him stand or kneel as the time re- 
quires. Catholics should make it a point of honor 
to keep up those practices. 

23. If you go into a church merely to look aV 
or examine the works of art contained in it, take 



2H CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

holy water and make your short adoration, as has 
been prescribed above. Then you make your 
rounds if no services are going on. If you pass 
before the ahar where the Blessed Sacrament is 
kept, bend your knee down to the floor^ passing- 
the other altars you should make a low bow. 

You may exchange some remarks in a low voice 
with your companion, but must abstain from 
thoughtless and silly observations, from laughter, 
and from carping criticisms; but you should be es- 
pecially careful to keep at a distance from those 
who may be praying at the time, so as not to dis- 
turb them. 

When you go to mass on a week day for private 
devotion, or when you make a visit to the Blessed 
Sacrament, go up close to the altar and there say 
your prayers. If we visit an earthly friend in his 
home we do not sit as far away from him as the 
size of the room will permit. Why should we treat 
our Lord with apparent coldness when we visit him 
by keeping far away from the tabernacle. Of course, 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 225 

there are times when we can afford only a couple 
of moments in the church, and then we may be ex- 
cused for kneeling just inside the door, saving the 
few prayers that our time. permits, and taking our 
departure. 

\\t are often made to blush for our non-Cath- 
olic country-men and country-women when we read 
of their doings in the churches of foreign lands, talk- 
ing, laughing, pointing, making what they think 
smart remarks on the people and their devo- 
tions. Xo wonder if the Catholics in those coun- 
tries look upon Americans as barbarians or sav- 
ages. 

Do not some of our own people deserve a sharp 
rebuke on this head? They enter and leave the 
church without making one sign of faith. They do 
not take holy water, do not bless themselves, do 
not genuflect, do not open their lips in prayer; they 
act in the house of God as they might in any ordi- 
nary hall. They seek out and study the objects of 
art, they examine and pass judgment on the style 



226 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

of architecture, the paintings, the statues, the car- 
vings; but they show no sign of recognition and 
respect for the faith which was the inspiration of 
those works. They praise and deify the artists, 
whose skill produced the works, and they show but 
small regard for the Lord and Master of Creation, 
who implanted in the artists the power to conceive, 
and the skill to execute those masterpieces. Po- 
liteness alone, not to speak of higher, motives, 
should teach better conduct in church. 

We should not even pass a Catholic church on 
car, buggy or foot, without showing some regard 
to Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament by raising our 
hat, making a slight bow or saying a short but de- 
vout ejaculatory prayer. 

24. If for the sake of art you should visit the 
churches of other denominations, do not go during 
their services. When you do go there you should 
behave seriously and with dignity. If the sexton 
has to open the church for you, give him a compen- 
sation for his trouble. 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 227 

25. To mimic the ceremonies of the church and 
pious practices, and especially to turn them into 
ridicule, would show not only a lack of faith^ but 
would be in exceedingly bad taste, and would prove 
you to be totally destitute of refinement. 




IN SCHOOL. 



"V Text to the church and home, the school should 
hold the first place in the respect and esteem ol 
studious young people. In a good school the boys 
are formed to be thorough men as we need them, 
and the girls to be genuine women after the type of 
Our Blessed Lady. Their mental and moral facul- 
ties are developed, their hearts are ennobled and re- 
fined, their character is strengthened, their intellect 
is expanded, and they are prepared to take their 
place in society, to follow their vocation, and to 
secure their temporal — it may be even— their eter- 
nal welfare. 

228 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 229 

Let the school boy and the school girl therefore 
attend tO' the following- points : 

1. Enter the school quietly and take your place, 
looking over your lessons if there is time. When 
the teacher arrixxs, stand up as a sign that you 
welcome him or her. 

2. During class keep a becoming posture. You 
should sit in your place without making any un- 
necessary noise, and you should not talk nor make 
signs nor scribble notes, but attend to what your 
teacher hasf to say, your body erect and your hands 
on the desk or table, never under it. You must not 
keep moving restlessly, nor should you loll on the 
seat with an air of indifference, as if you cared noth- 
ing for your class. 

You should also refrain from everything that 
would interfere with class work or might annoy the 
professor, or that would encourage the thoughtless- 
ness of some. You must not whisper, laugh, inter- 
rupt, attempt to play the clown. Such conduct is 
certainly unbecoming, and only tends to interfere 



230 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

with the purposes of education. And yet there are 
shallow-pated youths who think to shine in the eyes 
of their companions by their mean conduct in class. 

3. When called upon to recite, the pupil should 
rise promptly, not looking around for som^e one to 
whisper the answer to him, nor should he make use 
of any other dishonorable means of getting 
through. Let him stand erect, his heels not far 
apart, and toes turned out, his arms hanging loosely 
by his sides or crossed on his breast, or his hands 
resting on the desk, but not with his hands in his 
pockets, or playing with a pen or pencil. 

He should answer aloud and distinctly, neither 
too fast nor too slow, and should pronounce cor- 
rectly. He should observe the rules of politeness, 
and not answer with a curt Yes or No, or ask How? 
or What? I have known some children who would 
always begin their answer by the little word Well. 
The word in itself is good; I only object to its con- 
stant or too frequent use. 

4. If the pupil has failed to catch the mean- 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS, 231 

ing of some explanation, he may and ought to ask 
the teacher to repeat it. Let him stand up and say, 
for instance: Professor, Sister, Miss, Madam, or 
whatever may be the title by which the teacher is 
usually addressed: "May I ask you to explain that 
for me again? I did not quite understand." 

A real student never attends to other matters 
during class; for instance, he does not read other 
books, does not prepare his lessons for the follow- 
ing hour. 

If he should be called out during class, he should 
go quietly, so as not to disturb the teacher or the 
other scholars. 

5. It ought to be a point of honor with a stu- 
dent, and with school children in general, to keep 
their desk in order, and their books, papers, maps, 
etc., clean and in shape. 

Some make a practice of writing on the margin 
or between the lines in their books. I have often 
seen translations and answers to questions which 
the students were too lazy to learn, thus inserted. 



232 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

It is a good suggestion that the teacher confiscate 
books that aret thus disfigured and require the van- 
dals to procure new and clean copies. 

Another practice of some people is to scribble 
foolish remarks on the vacant spaces and on the fly 
leaves. One that is competent to pass a serious 
judgm.ent on the contents of a book might add to 
its value by writing his comments; but would it 
not be in better taste to write on other paper? 

Never turn down the leaves, making what we 
call dog's ears, and what the Germans call asses' 
ears. 

Take care also not to let the pages be stained 
with ink spots. This warning is more particularly 
needed in regard to copy books. Little boys and 
little girls should be taught not to leave the marks 
of their thumbs and fingers on the books. 

Those faults which I have here set down are cal- 
culated to destroy the sense of the beautiful, and 
to make study unattractive. Who can be well 
pleased to study in a book that is ragged and dirty? 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 233 

Our readers might profitably turn back and read 
what we said in a former chapter on the respect due 
to books. 

6. The student shoukl pay special attention to 
the written exercises. First they should be out- 
lined on scratch paper or on a slate, and then they 
should be copied out carefully, on the kind of paper 
that is required, or in the task book. Black ink is 
the proper article to use, except in bookkeeping, 
where red and black ink have their respective uses. 
To hand in a task written with a lead pencil would 
show indifference for the branch of study, and lack 
of respect for the teacher. 

The writing should be plain, legible, all the let- 
ters receiving their proper shape, and without flour- 
ishes, unless when they are expected in penman- 
ship exercises. 

It is also recommended to leave a margin wide 
enough for the teacher to write his corrections. 

A neat, cleanly written duty shows a polite, 



234 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

thoughtful student, and recommends him or her to 
the good will of the teacher. 

7. Examination papers should be prepared con- 
scientiously by the student himself, without de- 
pending on the help of others. To copy would be 
equivalent to acting a lie and trying to decieve the 
teacher, and it would be unjust to the other stu- 
dents. 

By such dishonorable conduct the pupil injures 
himself. If his deceit remains undiscovered and un- 
punished, he may persuade himself that, because he 
has received his testimonial or premium, he pos- 
sesses knowledge that he has not acquired; there 
remains a gap in his course; he cannot properly un- 
derstand the following portions; and he will be al- 
most compelled to go on in the same dishonorable 
way until he reaches a point where his cunning will 
no longer avail him. 

Then he wall be too proud to go back in his clas- 
ses, and he will be unable to advance. Thus the 
student who makes a practice of cheating in his red- 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 235 

tations, examinations, and competitions, is likely 
to find himself obliged to abandon his studies, with 
little credit or profit to himself. 

8. AA^hen the time for going home arrives, let the 
pupils stand up and remain standing until the teach- 
er gives the sign to depart. Then they take their 
books and go out quietly. I have seen boys rush- 
ing from the school with yells such as a band of 
savages might envy. Such a way of leaving^ school, 
with its usual accompaniments of shoving and 
thumping one another, is not far removed from 
rowdyism. 

Boys^ let me remind you that there is a time and 
place wherein you may lawfully and properly give 
vent to your superflous animal spirits, and that is 
the recreation hours and the play grounds; but 
there is no time nor place in which people, young 
or old, can indulge in any form of rowdyism with- 
out forfeiting their title to gentlemen and sinking 
down to the level of those whose conduct they im- 
itate. 



236 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

9. The rules and suggestions just set down are 
intended principally for day schools, but not by any 
means exclusively for them. Now we will turn our 
attention to boarding schools, academies, etc. In 
all such institutions politeness should be cultivated, 
with special care and perseverance. 

Politeness may be said to be a necessary enlarge- 
ment, a development of the intellectual, moral, and 
religious education, with which it should keep pace. 
In educational institutions politeness oontributes 
greatly to the maintenance of a good spirit: it re- 
fines the manners, causes a good tone to prevail 
amongst the inmates, and it cannot fail to exer- 
cise a favorable influence in the development ol the 
understanding, the heart, and the character. Fin- 
ally, in the community life led in those institutions, 
the best opportunity is afforded to practice polite- 
ness^ and to become perfect in it in a short time. 

It might seem that the contrary would be the re- 
sult, and that living in common would rather be a 
hindrance than a help to the acquisition of polite 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 237 

manners. The pupils are day and night with their 
companions and prefects, living and sleeping under 
the same roof, sitting down with them at the same 
table, chatting familiarly together, and enjoying 
their amusements in common. 

It cannot be denied that herein there is a danger 
for politeness. How easily will young people for- 
get themselves in the company of such intimate 
friends, how often will they feel themselves inclined 
to be carried away by their feelings and to think it 
unnecessary to observe the more refined social 
forms! 

And yet this common life gives the most effica- 
cious means, not only to avoid the danger referred 
to, but it also enables the person of good will to 
turn them to opportunities for the practice of po- 
liteness. 

In our colleges and academies and other such in- 
stitutions, many opportunities present themselves 
to the students, in public discourses and private ad- 
monitions, to learn and apply the rules. The con- 



238 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

stant watchfulness of teachers and prefects, which 
must never degenerate into a system of mean spy- 
ing, will take care of that, and with the good will 
and co-operation of the students themselves, there 
can be no question about success. Moreover, the 
living together of a large number ought to stir up 
a spirit of noble emulation, which will cause many 
acts of self-denial to be performed, both in the 
matter of demeanor and in other things. 

And finally, if Hfe in common did present real 
dangers, it would be additional reason for the gen- 
erous, noble-minded student, to strive all the more 
earnestly until he attains success. The following 
principles are worthy of notice. 

ORDER IN THE HOUSE. 

lo. In houses of education the rules are made 
for the benefit of the students and tO' help them to 
make progress. Whoever observes them and con- 
tributes his share to their observance, co-operates 
with the institution, whoever breaks the rules and 
causes them to be broken, works against the in- 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 239 

stitution and its inmates and its objects. The po- 
lite student will therefore observe punctually all 
the rules and prescriptions, will keep silence when 
it is required, will be prompt in attending all the 
exercises and never come late, and will ask for the 
necessary permissions and dispensations, as may be 
prescribed. 

11. A well-bred student will take the correct 
posture at every exercise. He will therefore stand, 
kneel, or sit upright, as the exercise requires. He 
will avoid those faults of posture that have been 
mentioned in a former chapter. If such faults are to 
be condemned in any and every company, they are 
much more deserving of reprehension amongst a 
crowd of boarders on account of the bad influence 
which they have on other thoughtless students, the 
bad impression they make on strangers, and the loss 
of confidence of parents in the institution. 

12. The well-bred student will avoid making it 
unpleasant for his companions. Hence, 



240 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

He will not find fault with the orders and regula- 
tions laid down by the superiors. 

He will not act towards his fellow-students as if 
he were their master. All the students have the 
same duties and the same rights. 

I once knew an academy girl, otherwise a good 
child, whO' has earned for herself the name of bos- 
tress amongst her companions, because she was so 
given to bossing. 

He will never annoy others or cause them disgust 
by his manner of eating, spitting, hawking, by soil- 
ingl things that are for the common use; by cutting 
or scribbling on the desks, benches or walls. 

13. There is a slovenly practice indulged in 
by certain students to which I wish to^ call 
attention. It is that of throwing paper around in 
the halls, in the class-rooms, and on the campus. 
There is generally a great waste of paper in this 
practice, and there is a spirit of carelessness about 
order and cleanliness which are deserving of cen- 
sure. When you have used up the scratch paper 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 241 

and have properly copied your duty, take the 
trouble to put the paper in the waste paper basket. 

A good student will never disturb the regularity 
of the exercises — prayer, study, sleep — by entering 
boisterously into the chapel or halls, by shouting 
and whistling, stamping, banging or slamming 
doors, etc. 

He will never have the impudence to go to the 
desk or the trunk of other students to turn over, 
examine, misplace, still less to appropriate to his 
own use anything in his neighbor's desk. 

He will not start or join in conversations that 
might compromise other pupils or the teachers, that 
contain reflections on the institution or might in- 
jure its good name. He will not talk to outsiders 
of the doings of ill-behaved students, of the pen- 
ances they have to perform or the corrections they 
received. 

Nor will he grumble at the food, as if he went to 
college only for the sake of his stomach. I have 
noticed that students who w^ere loudest in their 



242 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

complaints about the food in colleges and acade- 
mies, were often those who' would have no better at 
home, perhaps not so good. 

However, it may happen that the cooks are care- 
less in their duty and do not serve up the meals 
properly. In such a case it is not wrong for the 
boys to send a manly youth to the president or 
superior to call his atention to the matter. 

If something were to happen in the college that 
is regretable, or even disgraceful, the well-bred 
student will not say anything about it, or, in case 
it becomes known, he will try to cover it with the 
mantle of charity. 

14. In colleges, academies, seminaries, etc., the 
students are thrown into close and frequent con- 
tact with the superior. There is consequently dan- 
ger that they may fail to show him due respect. 
Therefore, 

When he asks them a question they must not 
answer carelessly: '1 don't know." ''It is none of 
my business," ''What do I care?" They should 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 243 

never speak to him by his family name alone, but 
should prefix his title, or call him ^Mister, Profes- 
sor, Father. Still less should they give him or any 
of their teachers or prefects nicknames, nor should 
they mimic his walk, speech, or manners. \Mien 
he is addressing- them, they should not read, write, 
whisper, or amuse themselves in any way. In a 
word, they owe it to themselves as well as to all 
who hold positions of authority in the institution, to 
act as real gentlemen — and of course the same rules 
hold for the girls, who should in all those matters be 



and act as genuine lad 



fe' 



lies. 



Every pupil should show gratitude to his teach- 
ers and superiors, and always meet them with a 
pleasant countenance and a polite salute. 

He should likewise speak freely to his superior 
and show confidence in him. 

There is a fault not unusual amongst college 
boys, and perhaps it sometimes af¥ects academy 
girls. It is that they become suddenly dumb^and 
scatter in various directions as soon as a prefect or 



244 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

the superior comes towards them. Instead of 
avoiding their superior, they should rather con- 
sider it an honor to have him join them; they 
should go towards him, and they might tell him 
what was the subject of their conversation; and 
they might ask him for his opinion or decision in 
the matter. 

When a reprehension or a punishment is admin- 
istered, the student should not get angry, nor 
should he attempt to justify himself by the paltry 
excuse: "I am not the only one; why don't you 
punish the others?" Take your punishment man- 
fully if you are guilty. If a mistake was made and 
you are blamed for the misdeed of someone else, I 
know of no good and sufficient reason why you 
should not justify yoiu'self and explain matters; but 
choose the proper time and make your explana- 
tion as becomes a gentleman. 

15. In their dealings with their fellow-students 
there are two opposite kinds of faults to be 
guarded against. On the one hand, it is a mistake 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 245 

to go constantly and exclusively with the same 
companions. 

On the other hand, antipathy to certain com- 
panions is to be deprecated in a life in common. 
To avoid a fellow-student merely because you do 
not like him; to turn your back when he comes 
towards you and to show him your dislike' by looks 
and actions when you must walk or sit beside him, 
shows a lack of Christian charit}' on your part, and 
might lay the foundations for lifelong hatred. Both 
these extremes are to be equally avoided. 

This is sometimes hard to do. Character and 
taste draw people together or repel them. As far 
as the rules permit, we should be on good terms 
with all, and speak, play, walk with them. All 
should consider themselves as members of the same 
family^ and should make it a point of honor to treat 
one another as such. 

16. As a general rule, students should avoid that 
too intimate comradeship which, in consequence of 
being thrown together for so much of their time, 



246 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

they easily form. Let them be kind, obHging, and 
unconstrained; not mean, impudent, nor ahvays 
trying to get off pahry jokes. They shoukl speak 
in a manly style, and the girls like young ladies, 
and should not give nicknames nor try to make 
their companions ridiculous. 

17. Let the pupils help one another when they 
can, and show their appreciation of the services 
done them. They should readily lend their books 
and other school articles to a companion who needs 
them. They should likewise show genuine sym- 
pathy for the sick, whom they should visit when 
the rules permit; and they should also condole with 
those that are mourning for the death of a member 
of the family, or some other domestic calamity. 

If one of their companions is homesick, they will 
try to cheer him up; if he meets with difhcuUies in 
his studies, they will help him. Newcomers should 
be treated with particular care and dehcacy. Their 
hearts are sore from the parting with the family, and 
during the first days they seem to themselves to be 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 247 

forsaken. A big-hearted student will therefore take 
them in charge and show them around, making 
them acquainted with the ways of the institution, 
the rules and regulations of the house^ talking 
cheerfully to them. 

18. If anyone should come late to table or to 
the study hall or recitation room, and should pre- 
sent himself in a ridiculous guise, it is the proper 
thing to remain quiet and not to laugh and clap 
hands, which would hurt your companion's feel- 
ings if he were sensitive and bashful, or would en- 
courage him to repeat the offense if he were pur- 
posely acting the clown. 

How advantageous it would be if those prin- 
ciples were carried out fully in all our boarding 
schools and similar institutions! Not to speak of 
the noble emulation in study and in virtue that 
would be kept alive, there would result a kind of 
friction that wears off the sharp angles of the char- 
acter of the students, and the constant inward bat- 



248 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

ties they wage and the victories they gain will make 
the character strong and solid. 

If the common life of students, therefore, has its 
difficulties and its hardships, these are more than 
counterbalanced by the peace and quiet which reg- 
ularity and the spirit of self-denial bring with them. 
Residence in the institution is then agreeable both 
for the teachers and the pupils, most of the diffi- 
culties are removed, the studies are made easier, 
and life becomes brighter. The pupil is then ''like 
a tree which is planted near the running waters, 
which shall bring forth its fruit in due season . . 
. and all whatever he shall do shall prosper." — 
Ps. i., 3. 




AT PLAY. 



Innocent amusement after serious work is a 
pleasant restorative of the body and a welcome 
relaxation of the mind. The most estimable and 
most virtuous people have allowed themselves 
times of recreation and have recommended the 
same to others. In educational institutions par- 
ticularly, open air games are not only proper, but 
almost as necessary as serious application to study. 
Even play may be turned into a meritorious work, 
and may be offered up for the glory of God. 

St. Aloysius, whilst he was one day occupied in 
a game, was asked by someone what he would do 

249 



250 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

if he knew that he had to die on that very day. 
With the simplicity of a saint he answered that he 
AYOuld continue his game. As it was the time ap- 
pointed by the rule for recreation, the saint knew 
th'at it was conformable to the will of God. 

On the other hand, play is often a stumbHng- 
block for virtue, an occasion of dissipation, a pro- 
vocative to disputes, a cloak for sloth, avarice, and 
— shall I say it? — dishonesty. Therefore, in order 
that play may not be a clog and draw the player 
down to any kind of meanness, propriety and dig- 
nity must not be laid aside. 

Moreover, at play one lays himself bare in many 
points. Here he shows clearly what are his char- 
acter, disposition, passions. The educated person 
should therefore know what are the rules governing 
play, and should conform to them. The following 
hints are worthy of notice: 

I. Keep strictly to the rules of the game. Hon- 
esty in little things exercises and strengthens the 
character and the sense of dutv. Games played in 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 251 

the right spirit are interesting to the on-lookers as 
well as to the players, and they are invested with 
a certain dignity that prevents them from becoming 
low and vulgar. 

2. In order to avoid excesses and every out- 
burst of passion, which are so frequent at play, a 
person should watch over all the avenues of his 
hearty suppress the first motions of anger, stop at 
the appointed time, not be babyish, refrain from 
abusive words and profanity, not be boisterous, 
striking the table with his fist, etc. 

3. Cheating at play should be just as scrupu- 
lously avoided as in business. He that is dishonest 
at play shows that in his heart he is not upright, 
and he lays himself open to the suspicion that he 
would be dishonest on other occasions. 

If you see someone cheat in the game, do not 
notice it and play on until the hand is out, and 
then give up without explanation. 

4. At play a person should not yield to bad 
temper when he loses, nor should he be childishly 



252 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 



triumphant when he is winning. After winning he 
should not immediately give up the game, unless 
there is a necessity for it. To do so would be the 
mark of a sordid mind, that played merely for the 
sake of gain. 

5. A player should not consult the bystanders. 
If he does not know the game, let him stay out; 
but once he has started, he should playi his part out 
without help or advice from others. His opponent 
is engaged against him, not against the whole com- 
pany. 

6. Be not disputatious in play. When the point 
is doubtful, you may quietly defend your view, but 
without using harsh or insulting words. If your 
opponent will not yield, it is better to drop the 
matter and continue the game. 

7.1 Spectators at a gajme requiring skill and 
study^ as chess, dominoes, checkers, should not take 
sides or make suggestions, should not criticize a 
play, nor should they express an opinion as to 
which side will lose or win. All this kind of talk is 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 253 

calculated to annoy the players and to interfere 
with the game. 

The custom of indulging in match games and 
gathering boisterous crowds on holydays of obli- 
gation is not commendable. 




ON JOURNEYS. 



TN traveling, a person meets with all sorts of peo- 
ple, high and low, friends and enemies; with 
many whom we may never see again, and with 
others whom it may be our fortune so^me time or 
other to be brought into closer relationship. Every- 
one is glad to meet a friendly, considerate person, 
who does him a kind turn and shows sympathy for 
him. Hence it is important to know how tO' travel. 
I. On a journey one should be dressed care- 
fully, even if not as well as on great festivals. This 
is due, not only to the many estimable people whom 
one meets or is going to visit, but even to one's 

254 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 255 

self; for on journeys a person is very often judged 
by his clothes. 

2. In traveling in a carriage the following rules 
are to be observed: 

i. The first place is to the right in the rear, the 
second to the left; the third place is in front of the 
first, and the fourth in front of the second. 

ii. The oldest or highest in dignity goes in 
first and takes his place, and the others in the order 
just given. Wdioever is doing the honors enters 
last. 

iii. In getting out the order is reversed: the 
youngest or least in rank descends first, then the 
others according to rank, and last the most im- 
portant personage. 

iv. Young persons, when they get out, should 
help their elders by taking their packages, cloak, 
umbrella, satchel, and by ofi:"ering their hand or 
arm to lean on. 

3. On railroads the following points are to be 
noticed: 



256 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

i. Physicians and oculists recommend riding 
backwards, except in rare cases when it makes a 
person sick. Thus a deHcate person escapes the 
draft when the windows are open, and one whose 
eyes are weak does not experience that frequent 
shock to the optic nerves produced by fast-moving 
trains. 

Although in traveling everybody is allowed to 
seek his own comfort, still no one may neglect the 
claims of politeness. It is therefore proper that the 
young show deference for their elders and those 
that are deserving of respect on account of their 
office, etc. ; and consequently the most comfortable 
place should be left, or rather offered to them. 
Such .marks of attention recommend us to our fel- 
low-travelers and raise us in our own estimation. 

ii. Do not enter the railroad car in a rush; do 
not jostle and push in order to secure the best 
place ; do not occupy more of the seat than you are 
entitled to, and do not try to impose on the con- 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 25; 

ductor by making believe that you expect a com- 
panion, etc. 

iii. Do not talk too loud, which would be 
childish, and would annoy those that are reading; or 
holding a conversation; and do not talk too much, 
especially with strangers. Young, vain, and inex- 
perienced people do not know when to be silent. 
They imagine that they may inform everybody with- 
out distinction who they are, whither they are going 
and why they travel, as if those points concerned 
theii'' hearers. Thoughtful people open their hearts 
to none but tried friends, and then only within the 
bounds of propriety. Many a time open confi- 
dences in a railroad car have caused bitter regret 
and years of ill-feeling. 

iv. If you are a smoker and want to enjoy your 
pipe or cigar, go to the compartment destined for 
that purpose. Do not make yourself disagreeable 
to others by shouting, singing, putting- your bag- 
gage in the way. 

Should the window near you Idc open and you 



258 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

notice that it is annoying to anybody, close it 
promptly, no matter if it goes against your own 
liking. 

I knew a gentleman, rather an unpolished one, 
however, who got up, walked across the aisle of the 
car, and let down the window in the face of the man 
who was sitting beside it, without a word of 
apology. As soon as my acquaintance returned to 
his place, the other man quietly raised the window 
again, remarking to those around: 

''If that man had told me that the open window 
annoyed him, and had requested me to close it, I 
would have done so at once and with pleasure; but 
he acts as if he owned the car, and he has no re- 
gard for the feelings or comfort of others." 

The explanation of the man who closed the win- 
dow, as he gave it to the travelers seated in his 
neighborhood, was expressed somewhat as follows: 

''The booby! I thought he wanted the window 
closed. Who^ would care to sit in such a draft as is 
blowing at present!" 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 259 

V. If the length of a journey and other circum- 
stances make it necessary for a person to eat in a 
car, he should attract as little attention as possible. 
To a fellow-passenger with whom you have been 
engaged in conversation you may offer fruit, cake, 
candies, but not what is called solid food, unless in 
exceptional cases or when you are intimately ac- 
quainted with him. 

4. A\dien visiting a monument, a church, an in- 
stitution, a museum, do not touch any of the ol)- 
jects unless the person in charge invites you to 
do so. Neither should you write or scratch your 
name, as many tourists do, in places that are often 
visited. This is a sign of vanity and of a small 
mind, and justifies the saying: "Fools' names and 
fools' faces are often seen in strange places." 

There is another practice of a similar character 
not uncommon in our country, ^^•hich deserves to 
be condemned in the severest terms. It is that of 
relic-hunters, whO' do not hesitate to knock or cut 
off pieces from monuments, many of which are 



26o CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

dear to the nation. As an instance I may refer to 
the fact that it was found necessary to place a guard 
over the tomb of President Lincohi in Springfield, 
111., to protect it from those vandals who would 
knock off pieces of the marble monument which 
they wished to take home with them to show to 
gaping rustics as ignorant as themselves. Every 
patriotic American would be ready to declare him- 
self in noi doubtful terms against such a barbaric 
practice. 

5. In a hotel or boarding house the guest should 
act in a friendly and unconstrained way, as if in his 
own home; but at the same time he must never lose 
sight of the usual rules of deportment. 

i. Let him present himself in a friendly and un- 
assuming way, not making any extravagant pre- 
tensions nor speaking or acting in a rude or dom- 
ineering manner to the waiters. 

ii. If he has any detmands or objections to 
make, let him state them clearly and definitely, in 
the proper place. 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 261 

iii. At table, let him be obliging and modest, 
according to the rules already set down for meals; 
but above all, he should be moderate in food and 
drink. He should not conduct himself in such a 
manner as to leave the impression that his god is 
his belly, and that he is determined to get the 
worth of his money. 

iv. When about to leave the hotel, let him set- 
tle his bill manfully, without unnecessary disputing 
or trying to haggle with the proprietor. 

As to fees to the waiters, they are an imposition 
on the traveling public and the practice of giving 
them should be discouraged in our country. Let 
the proprietors pay the servants and the waiters 
decent wages. They know well enough how to 
charge their guests. 




CONDUCT AS A GUEST. 



ITOSPITALITY flourished in ancient times and 
in the Middle Ages. The guest was received 
in the family with great honors. He sat down to 
table with the family, the best room was assigned 
to him; and very often between host and guest there 
was formed a bond of friendship which lasted until 
death. 

But circumstances have greatly changed. The 
traveler can everywhere obtain food and lodging, 
and journeys are a thousand times more frequent, 
so that in many cases hospitality, even with the 
best will, cannot be practiced as in former days. 

262 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 263 

Still, it has not gone entirely out of use, and it 
does much to preserve friendship. It is therefore 
not superfluous to say something of the reciprocal 
duties of host and guest. 

I. When one is invited to become a guest, he 
may accept under the following conditions: 

i. AMien the invitation is seriously given, and 
is not, as in many cases, a mere empty form of po- 
liteness that means nothing. 

ii. AMien the one that gives it has a right to 
do so. Therefore, a student should not be too 
ready to accept the invitation of companions to 
spend the whole or a part of the vacation at their 
homes. It belongs to the parents to issue such 
invitations. If you went merely at the request of 
your companion, you would run the risk of going 
where you were not welcome. 

iii. \\dien the person who gives the invitation 
can receive you properly. Should you know that 
he or his family would be put to inconvenience, or 
were not prepared to receive a guest, or that your 



264 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

presence would be disagreeable to any member of 
the household, it would be better to decline — al- 
ways, of course, with thanks. 

2. Unless invited, we should not call as a guest 
on anyone but an intimate friend or relative. It 
would be a piece of impudence if when on a jour- 
ney you were to put up at the house of a person 
whom you had casually met once or twice, and with 
whom you had exchanged some friendly words. 

On arriving at a town or city, go to a hotel or 
boarding house. If you should afterwards receive 
a pressing invitation from an acquaintance to stay 
with him and you think it is really meant, you may 
first decline with thanks; but if he is urgent, you 
may leave the hotel, after settling your account, 
and go to your friend's house. 

3. The guest has various obligations to his en- 
tertainer. 

i. He should try to make himself agreeable and 
show himself pleased with his surroundings and 
with all that the family does for him. He must be 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 26^ 

very careful not to criticize the house, the food, the 
service, or tO' say anything that would put the peo- 
ple of the house in an unfavorable light. 

ii. He should avoid whatever might make him 
burdensome to his entertainers, not thrust his com- 
pany on them uninvited, not incjuire into the busi- 
ness of the family, withdraw when discretion sug- 
gests, so that the people of the house may attend to 
their business, or to other visitors should any call. 

iii. Let him not forget that there is a time to 
go. We say of a guest that stays too long that "he 
wore out his welcome." 

iv. It is proper to make some presents to the 
children, and also to the servants that have waited 
on him. Whether those presents shall be pictures, 
books, or even money, is a matter in which tact 
should be used. 

V. The guest should keep a guard upon his 
tongue and not act the chatterbox. When one 
spends some time in the midst of a family in 
social intercourse, he learns many things about the 



266 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 



children, the business, the circumstances, the con- 
nections, which the family may not wish to be made 
public. In this matter it is a strict duty of honor 
for the guest tO' be silent. 

vi. After returning home he should take care 
not to deserve the reproach of the poet: 

:J)ati! tft Saft : ber trage ©c^utbner liebt ben (J^Iaubtger 
§u meiben. 

®reige!^nltnben. 
"Thanks is a burden; and the slow pay 
Likes best to keep out of his debtor's way." 

Therefore he should write a hearty letter of 
thanks, once more acknowledging the kindness of 
his reception and entertainment. Gratitude is the 
mark of a noble mind. 

4. Whenever you are going to invite anyone as 
a guest tO' your house you should: 

i. Have a room fo^r him suitably furnished, a 
place at the table, etc. 

ii. If you know the time of his arrival, it is 
proper that you yourself should gO' to meet him at 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 267 

the station, if circumstances permit; otherwise, 
send a member of the family. It is only in excep- 
tional cases that a servant may do this duty. 

iii. After the first greetings have been ex- 
changed, show him to his room and invite him to 
make himself at home. 

iv. At least for the first night, accompany him 
to his bedroom, and see that everything is in good 
order: bed, light, matches, pitcher and basin, drink- 
ing glass, etc. 

v. Always meet him with a pleasant smile and 
greeting, propose some excursion to a point of in- 
terest, a church, a monument^ a remarkable land- 
scape, if there are any such places in the neigh- 
borhood. 

vi. Never give him reason to think that he is 
in the way, that some member of the family had, to 
go elsewhere on his account, that the order of the 
house and of business has been interfered with by 
his presence, etc. 




LETTERS. 



In our days correspondence is looked upon as a 
matter of course. It is employed by all classes of 
people and under all manner of circumstances. 
Letters are voices that are heard beyond the limits 
of the town and of the country wherein we live, 
and they carry the messages and the ideas of the 
writer to the remotest points. They are at the 
same time greetings, visits, conversations; they 
carry advice, consolation, instruction, or they utter 
warnings, encouragement, correction, according to 
circumstances. 

Moreover, letters preserve friendship between the 
268 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS, 269 

absent, and often make it closer and stronger than 
it was whilst the parties lived together. 

A mother^ for instance, writes to her son who is 
studying or doing* business in some distant place. 
She reminds him of the love she bears him, how 
lonesome the house is without him, how she prays 
for him day and night; she speaks to him of home, 
of her troubles and sorrows, of business matters, of 
the dear brothers and sisters and their doings and. 
sayings; and, it may be, of the beloved father who 
lately took his departure for a better world: and 
whilst her hand is penning the words, hot tears fall 
on the page. 

AMien the son reads the letter, he may not see 
any wet spots, but he feels the beats of that warm 
mother's heart, and his own eyes overflow. His 
mother's picture flashes on his mind. He hears her 
in imagination reproaching, encouraging, and 
warning him; persuading, forgiving, and lifting him 
up, and he is stirred to the depths of his soul. He 
reads the letter over and over. Finallv, he puts it 



^7Q CHRISTIAN POLI TENESS. 

aside as a sacred thing, which he looks at from 
time to time to keep its contents fresh in his mind, 
to draw from it new strength and courage for the 
battles of life. 

A good letter like this often keeps a young man 
on the right path, or brings him back if he has 
strayed from it. 

In letters also the degree of education and the 
character of a person manifest themselves in a man- 
ner that is not to be mistaken. Le style c'est 
I'homme. 

By correspondence some people extend their 
business to the remotest places. 
, Finally, by the same means a person saves time 
and money. Instead of making a journey attended 
with many difhculties and much expense, we write 
a letter and the business is just as well done. 

For these reasons it is important for the young 
person who makes any claim^ to education tO' know 
the principal rules to be observed in letter writing. 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 271 

Letters are generally of business, of politeness, or 
of friendship. 

1. The writing of business letters is a matter of 
duty, and such letters should never be neglected 
nor put off too long. 

2. Letters of politeness are required by pro- 
priety on certain occasions. They are written: 

i. In answer to letters received. Every letter 
deserves an answer, unless special and weighty rea- 
sons dispense therefrom. 

ii. In acknowledgement of some attention 
shown or favor done us. 

iii. To congratulate parents, superiors, bene- 
factors, friends, on New Year's or their patronal 
feast. Such letters are also sometimes written for 
the festival of Christmas. 

iv. When we have been honored with an invi- 
tation. 

V. To express either congratulations or con- 
dolence at the news of some joyful or sorrowful 



^72 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

event that has happened to a relative or an inti- 
mate acquaintance. 

3. I^etters of friendship have for object to keep 
up a good understanding between comrades. They 
should not be too frequent; if they were, they would 
on the one hand take up too much time, and on 
the other, they would not always produce the best 
results. 

4. Be not too slow in answering letters. Noth- 
ing hurts a person more than to have his letters re- 
main unanswered. A neglect of this kind is not 
easily forgiven; it is looked upon as a personal af- 
front; and it not infrequently causes all friendly in- 
tercourse to be broken off. 

Let it therefore be your practice to answer let- 
ters as they are received. If you put them aside 
with the intention of attending to them later, you 
run the risk of never doing so. Unanswered letters 
gradually accumulate until at last, even with the 
best will^ you cannot attend to all of them. 

And when the delay is very great the answer may 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 273 

be meaningless, and may place the writer in a ridic- 
ulous light. 

Besides, a person feels easier in mind and better 
pleased with himself when he has attended to this 
duty in time. 

5. Before beginning to write a letter, you should 
consider what you are going to say; when it is writ- 
ten read it over, and if it is important, put it aside 
for a while to read it again carefully, and to correct, 
if necessary. 

Do not write on the first impulse of anger, but 
wait until you feel calm; never write anything that 
would betray yourself or others, and if you have 
written such a letter, do not send it off in a hurry. 
During the night your excitement will have passed 
away and better counsels will prevail; acting other- 
wise, you might with reason be sorry that you had 
wounded the! feelings of your correspondent by 
your sharp words. 

Moreover, Scripta manent. What is written re- 



^74 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 



mains. Once a letter has been sent off, you can 
make no change in it. 

And how often does a letter fall into hands for 
which it was not intended and cause the writer, and 
perhaps others, no end of disagreeable conse- 
quences. One should therefore be careful about 
what and how he writes. 

6. In regard to the contents of a letter, take 
notice: 

i. In letters that treat of important matters, or 
of sorrowful events, w^e should not speak of other 
affairs having no connection with them, because 
this m.ight weaken or even destroy the serious im- 
pression we desired to make. 

In letters between intimate friends everything 
that can be said in a letter may be treated of, when 
tact and delicacy do not forbid. 

ii. We first speak oi the matters that concern 
the person addressed and his family, and of our- 
selves and our affairs only in the second place; 
charity and modesty prescribe this. In regard to 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 275 

other matters, the more important occupy the first 
place, and then hghter matters may be spoken of. 

iii. Greetings to others may usually be sent in 
letters to our equals or intimate friends, seldom in 
those to strangers or superiors. To the latter it is 
not improper to send the greetings of our parents 
or our brothers and sisters. 

The same rule holds in requesting our corre- 
spondent to salute others for us. We should never 
commission superiors to salute their inferiors for 
us. Even superiors should rarely ask inferiors to 
deliver their greetings. There ought to be nearly 
an equality between all the parties concerned, 
namely, the sender of the greeting, the one 
through whom it is sent, and the third party for 
whom it is intended. 

iv. A postscript (P. S.) may be added only in 
letters to friends who are about our equals, and in 
the following cases: (i). in matters that are learned 
too late to enter into the body of the letter; (2). To 
mention something that could not well have been 



276 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS, 

spoken of in the letter; (3). To mention less im- 
portant matters, that had been forg-otten. 

In no case should the postscript be used to give 
assurances of friendship or to offer congratulations. 

If on finishing a letter to one in high position we 
find that there is something to be added, let us take 
the trouble to write the letter over and to insert in 
the text what we omitted. . 

7. As to the composition of the letter, take no- 
tice: 

i. The letter should be thought out and com- 
posed by the writer. You should never copy a 
letter, even were it a NeAv Year's or a birthday 
greeting, out of a book of miodels. What would 
the person say if by some chance he came across 
that letter in a printed collection? Would he not 
look upon you as childish and ignorant and not 
over-honest, and he might treat you accordingly? 
To adorn one's self with the plumes of other birds 
is not creditable. 

Petitions or memorials to men high in office may 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 277 

be sometimes written for us by one acquainted with 
the required formahties and then copied by us; but 
genuine letters, no matter to whom directed, should 
be written by the one whose signature is attached. 
They are supposed to come spontaneously from the 
heart,, as the water does from the spring; otherwise 
they possess neither charm nor interest. 

ii. The language should be natural, simple, and 
flowing. Do not aim to appear witty, or to dazzle 
by bombastic phrases, which, after all, may pro- 
duce the contrary ettect from what was intended. 

L* esprit qu' on vent avoir gate celui qu' on a. 

Write plainly and without flourishes what you 
want to say, just as you would utter it in conversa- 
tion. A letter is not a solemn oration. 

iii. The language should be dignified, not low, 
trivial,, or offensive. Even when answering a rough, 
insulting letter, do not pay the writer back in his 
own coin. Either let the subject drop altogether, 
or answer, it may be in a positive and forcible, but 
always in a gentlemanly or ladylike manner. 



278 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

iv. Let the language be accommodated to the 
degree of education of the person addressed^ and 
also to the matter treated of. The same style is not 
to be used in all letters. To a child we do not write 
as to an old person, tO' a business man not as to a 
learned professor. Letters to friends should be cor- 
dial and unembarrassed; to superiors, respectful and 
modest. 

To dependents we should write kindly and sym- 
pathetically, cheerfully recognizing their services 
and praising Avhat deserves praise in them; and 
afterwards, if it appear necessary, we may blame 
what is blameworthy. 

When the subject of a letter is mournful, the 
style should be grave; w'hen pleasant, it ought to 
be cheerful. Business letters should be clear, brief, 
and to the point. 

V. The language should be correct, free from 
grammatical mistakes, and especially from mistakes 
in spelUng. Such errors make a painful impression 
and betray either a lack of education or of regard 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 279 

for the person addressed, and sometimes of both. 
Whoever has a large correspondence to attend to 
would do well to keep a reliable dictionary at hand, 
which he should consult whenever necessary on the 
spelling and the meaning of words. 

8. The various parts of a letter may now be 
considered. 

i. The Date. Every letter should bear a date, 
and this consists of the name of the place where the 
letter is written, with the day, month and year. In 
writing to large cities and towns it is important to 
give the street and number; in smaller places where 
the postmaster knows everybody, this may not be 
necessary. 

ii. The Greeting. This varies according to the 
person addressed. The following are suggestive 
examples : 

To the Pope: Most Holy Father. 

To a Cardinal: Your Eminence. 

To an Archbishop: ]\Iost Reverend Sir or Father. 



28o CHRISTIAN POLITENESS- 

To a Bishop or Abbot: Right Reverend Sir or 
Father. 

To a Vicar General: Very Reverend Sir or 
Father. 

To a Priest : Reverend Father or Reverend Sir. 

To a Brother of a Rehgious Community: Ven- 
erable Brother or Respected Brother, or perhaps 
better: Dear Brother, or My Dear Brother. 

To a Sister of a Religious Community: Dear 
Sister, My Dear Sister, Respected or Venerable 
Sister. 

To a Mother Superior: The same title as to a 
simple Sister, or we may address her as Venerable 
Mother. 

It is a mistake to address religious women, 
whether superiors or not, by the title of Reverend, 
which title is reserved for the clergy, and is not 
properly given to a clergyman until he has become 
a Subdeacon. 

To a Lady: Madam, Dear Madam, or My Dear 
Madam. 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 281 

To a Friend: Dear Friend, IsVy dear Friend, or, 
if quite intimate, My Dear John, William, Mary. 

To Relatives: My Dear Father, My Dear or 
Darling Mother, or whatever title of endearment 
you are accustomed to employ at home. This 
same rule appHes to letters between brothers and 
sisters, unless they choose to employ the Christian 
name, as: Mv Dear Matilda. 

Students should not address their superiors with 
the familiar term: Dear Friend. 

iii. The Body of the letter. 

(i). So>me lay down as a rule that a letter should 
never begin with the personal pronoun I, as savor- 
ing of egotism. This need not be taken as a uni- 
versal rule : only, do not use that pronoun too often. 

(2). In letters of any length to those high in of- 
fice, the title of the person addressed should be 
renewed from time to time. Thus in letters to the 
Pope we write: Your Holiness; to Bishops, Mon- 
seigneur, or Right Reverend, or Most Reverend 
Sir or Father. 



282 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

(3). All the words of a letter are to be written out 

in full; only that, when mentioning others besides 
the person addressed and his relatives, the words 
Mister, Mistress, Madam, may be abridged to Mr. 
Mrs., Mme. 

The year and the day of the month are written 
in ciphers, as are large numbers; small numbers are 
spelled out. Long names of months are usually 
abbreviated, short names are written in full. Thus, 
Jan. for January, but May, June, July. 

iv. The subscription or complimentary ending 
of a letter, like the beginning, conforms to the rank 
of the person to whom it is addressed. 

A letter to the Pope, for instance, if written in 
English, would be concluded thus: 

Kneeling at the feet of Your Hohness with pro- 
foundest respect, and asking your blessing, 

I remain as ever 
Your most obedient 
Son and Servant, 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 283 

To a Bishop: 

With profoundest respect 

I remain as eA'er 
Your Son and Servant in Xt., 



To a Priest: 

I remain as ever 
Your obedient Son and Servant in Xt., 



For friendly or familiar letters a great variety of 
forms is used, such as: 

Yours truly, Cordially yours, Yours sincerely. 
Ever most gratefully yours, 

Every letter should bear the signature of the 
writer. Unsigned letters are nearly always the 
work of sneaks who avoid the light, and they do not 
deserve attention. 

A lady when writing to a stranger prefixes the 
word Miss or Mrs. in parenthesis to her signature. 
In writing to an acquaintance this title is not 
written. 



284 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

In like manner a priest may prefix the title The 
Rev. tO' his signature, in writing to strangers. 

You should write your name and address plainly, 
so that anyone can read them. 

Several years ago a distinguished lawyer of one 
of our big cities wrote to an aged priest of our 
community, asking to have some water of gourdes 
sent him. The old priest managed to guess at 
what was wanted, but he could not decipher the 
address. He consulted several of the professors, 
who failed to make out the hieroglyphics, until one 
suggested the use of a scissors and mucilage, by 
means of which the address could be transferred to 
the envelope containing the answer. 'The post- 
master of the city where the lawyer was knew his 
scrawl, and so the letter reached its destination. I 
never heard, however, whether the lawyer took the 
hint and learned to write his address legibly. 

9. As to the material to be used in wTiting let- 
ters, the following points are to be observed: 

i. Do no't use ordinary paper, which would 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 285 

show a lack of respect to the one whom you ad- 
dress, but genuine letter or note paper. It should 
not be colored, as reddish, blue, orange, violet, but 
plain white, and it may be ruled or not as the writer 
chooses. If unruled paper is used, a sheet of heav- 
ily lined paper may be put under the sheet to be 
written on, as a guide to the inexperienced writer. 

ii. The size of the paper generally used for let- 
ters is what is called 8 vo. ; those who aim at being 
considered elegant use smaller paper in 16 mo.; in 
writing to eminent personages 40 is proper; and 
folio is the correct thing when addressing a bishop, 
king, prince, etc. 

For brief communications between friends, for 
small favors received and bestowed, for invitations, 
it has become the practice now to use pasteboard 
cards. If the cards are large, they are folded in the 
middle and only thei inner side is written on. Such 
cards have the advantage that the writer merely 
states his business without any lengthy introduc- 



286 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS, 

tion or conclusion, and is more at his ease than in 
a formal letter. 

iii. The paper should be clean, and not 
crumpled, tattered on the edges^ nor torn. A rag- 
ged letter makes an unfavorable impression. 

iv. You should not use blue, red or green ink, 
but only black. Let the ink dry by itself. 

lo. The following points in letter writing are 
also to be noticed: 

i. Usually a border is left, broader oi' narrower 
according to the dignity of the person to whom you 
write. When we use 8 vo., in which most letters are 
written, the margin is very narrow, from a quarter 
to a half inch; when folio' is used, nearly or quite 
half the page is tO' remain blank. This margin is 
not to be marked by a fold in the paper nor by a 
line with a pencil, but the ruled sheet may be placed 
under as a guide. 

ii. Letters should be well written and legible. 
A well composed and neatly written letter makes a 
favorable impression, whereas a carelessly written 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 287 

and almost illegible scra^Yl ma}^ provoke the recipi- 
ent to think it hardly worth his while to try to read 
it. A letter dashed off in a slovenly way shows a 
lack of regard for the person addressed. 

In like manner, letters should be clean, free from 
ink stains, grease, and oil, as well as from erasures, 
corrections, etc. 

Letters to people in high office, in particular, 
should have no marks of correction. No word 
should be crossed out, and none written between 
the lines or on the border. If there is something 
that reaUv ouo-ht to be corrected, the whole letter 
should be written over again, no matter though it 
be long. It is only in letters to intimate friends 
that this rule may be occasionally dispensed with 
and necessary corrections be made; but even then 
the letter should not present a scratchy appearance. 

iii. The letter is usually begun about an inch 
from the top of the first page where the address is 
written. Under this and about the same distance, 
the person is addressed: Dear Sir, Dear ^ladam. 



288 - CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 

My Dear Friend, etc. And then, at the same dis- 
tance below, the text of the letter is begun. 

The second page is left blank, and on the third 
page you continue the writing an inch or there- 
abouts from the top. 

Use as many pages as are necessary to^ say all 
that you have to say, writing only on one side of 
the paper; and if you should have more to say than 
will fit in the pages which you intended to fill, do 
not wTite on the margin or on the back pages that 
were left blanks but take another sheet. When 
writing to intimate friends or members of the fam- 
ily, the liberty just mentioned may possibly be al- 
lowable. 

iv. Whenever you pass tO' a different subject, 
begin a new paragraph, that is to say, write on the 
next line, as you see in printed books, leaving a 
space free at the beginning of the line, say about 
equal to the width of three or four letters. 

V. The date, as mentioned above, is written 
towards the right near the top of the page, but it 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 289 

may be also placed to the left at the bottom, loAver 
clown than the signature. In busmess letters it is 
better to place it at the top; in formal documents 
to dignitaries, at the bottom; in letters to friends, 
at the top or bottom, no matter which. 

In letters to high officials we sometimes write the 
address in the place of the date at the top, for in- 
stance: 

To His Honor, \ 

Paul Capdevielle, 

Mayor, New Orleans, La. 

vi. The subscription or complimentary ending 
must not be at the top of a page. If the previous 
page is too full to admit it at the bottom, reserve a 
line or two of the text for the new page. 

vii. Letters are now-a-days usually put in en- 
velopes,, which are made of different forms and 
sizes. For the long envelopes which are much 
used for official documents, the letter is folded 
twice or three times crosswise, according as the 
paper is long ^ir short; for smaller envelopes, once 



290 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS, 

across and once downwards; for large square en- 
A'elopes, only once across. 

12. Envelopes are generally gummed, and the 
letters are closed by moistening the gum and press- 
ing the flap down into its place, keeping it there 
tuitil it has adhered. For this latter operation it is 
hardly safe to rub the flap with the tip of your fin- 
gers,, lest you soil the paper. You may use your 
thumb or finger nails, or press the letter under a 
book or a paper-weight until the gum has adhered. 

In writing to high dignitaries, it is advisable to 
use red sealing wax, and a seal if you have one. 

A\^afers were formerly used instead of mucilage 
or wax, JDUt now they are rarely employed. If you 
should use them,, a seal is also proper. 

Bishops and dignitaries have their own seals with 
an emblem; private individuals may have their 
initials or an emblem on the seal. 

13. After the death of a member of the family 
the relatives use paper and envelopes with a black 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 291 

border as a sign of mourning, except for business 
letters. 

14. Care should be taken to write the address 
or superscription correctly and legibly. The name 
and title generally occupy one line, sometimes two. 
Here are some examples: 

Air. Joseph Kirn, Lawyer^ 

9734 Logan St., 
New Orleans, 

La. 
The Rev. AI. I\I. Gerend, President, 
St. John's Institute for Deaf Mutes, 

St. Francis, 

Wis. 
Mrs. Loreto McCracken, 

235 Blackmore St., 

Caducah, 

Pa. 
On the left hand side at the top of the envelope 
the writer may give his own address, with a re- 
quest to the postmaster to return it if not called 



292 . CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

for. This request is often printed on the envelope, 
and if not it may be written thus: 

P. M. If not called for in five (or ten or thirty) 
days, return to the 
Rev. M. M. Gerend, President, 
St. John's Institute, 
St. Francis, Wis. 

In the letter itself it is recommended to give your 
address^ at the left hand side and below your signa- 
ture, so that if by some mistake your letter should 
fall into the hands of a stranger, he might be able 
to return it to you. 

15. The postage stamp is to be pasted on the 
upper right hand corner, on the same side as the 
address. Some put the stamp on the reverse side 
over the place where the flap is pasted down, but 
this practice is not to be recommended; and others, 
whilst putting the stamp in the right place, turn it 
upside down or sideways, which shows carelessness. 
Putting the stamp in the right place saves the post- 
master unnecessary trouble and irritation. 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 293 

' When one stamp will suffice, it should be used, 
instead of employing several of a lower denomina- 
tion. For instance, do not use five or two one-cent 
stamps when a single five or two -cent stamp will 
do. This rule is particularly urgent when the let- 
ter is heavy, and the cost of sending it is the 
greater. We should take into consideration the 
time and the temper of the postoffice employees, 
and not give them unnecessary trouble in canceling 
the stamps. 

16. Letters are generally sent through the post- 
office, but sometimes also by express. The former 
means is not only the most usual, but is also the 
easiest. The latter is employed in special and very 
important matters. 

If you have occasion to write to a stranger for 
some information, it is proper that you inclose the 
amount of stamps that wih be needed for the an- 
swer. 




IN CONCLUSION. 



1\ /fY Dear Friends: In the foregoing pages I have 
attempted to set before you the principal rules 
of politeness which are to guide you through life. 
You ought unquestionably to know them and to 
conform to them. They are simply the outward in- 
dication and expression of humility, modesty, and 
charity; they are the practical working of self- 
denial and self-sacrifice. How beautiful would be 
life in society if those principles were everywhere 
and always the rule of our lives! 

Do not say: They are mere trifles; the studious 

294 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 295 

young person cannot be bothered with them; he 
has to attend to serious, important matters. 

Are they trifles? Perhaps. But those trifles have 
a great influence on our education, on the forma- 
tion of our character, on our success in our voca- 
tion, on the regard of those amongst whom our life 
is cast. 

Are they trifles? But \\ho does not know that 
whoever wishes to heap up treasures in this hfe as 
well as in the next, must attend to trifles, and that 
more people are ruined by little, insignificant ex- 
penses that are hardly noticed, than by large sums 
which they squander? 

Are they trifles? Very well. Then it is not so 
hard to attend to them. Why should we reject or 
oppose them, when everyl)ody recognizes and de- 
clares, we ourselves amongst the rest, that poUte- 
ness is necessary for the young? 

Are they trifles? But if we neglect them, we 
give annoyance every hour to the members of our 
family, and to those with whom we come in con- 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS 



tact. When we behave ourselves in those matters, 
small' and insignificant as they may seem, in a care- 
less and disorderly manner, no one will believe that 
our intelligence is cultivated and our heart good. 

How could it be believed that we were capable 
of readily making great sacrifices when we recoil 
from the smallest? 

They are trifles. But of them the learned and 
pious Archbishop Fenelon says: ''They present 
themselves at every moment; they bring us into 
conflict with our pride, our sloth, our irritable tem- 
per^ our dislikes and repugnances, and they go 
against our will in everything and in every way." 

If one will be true to himself in such things, he 
can never afTord to leave nature time to breathe; 
he must crucify nature with all its evil inclinations. 
Is there anything, then, that can be a more effica- 
cious help to the soul than those trifles? 

They are trifles! But to noble-minded young 
people nothing is trifling that duty commands. Such 
youths perform all their duties with the same zeal: 



CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 297 

not that they do not distinguish between small and 
great, but simply from the love of duty: because 
what pleases and displeases God is always great in 
their eyes. 

Let the above principles, my dear young friends, 
be your guide in the matter of politeness, the prac- 
tice of which is not an insignificant matter. 

It is true that study is more important, because 
it supplies your mind with knowledge which raises 
your life to a higher plane, by giving it a nobler 
direction; virtue is still more important, since it be- 
stows true beauty on the soul and raises it heaven- 
wards to a likeness with God; the formation of 
character is also more important, because it makes 
men and women of us who can stand fast and firm 
on our own feet, and it gives us a secure hold in 
this storm-tossed world of ours. And yet with all 
this, politeness gives the finishing touch, the per- 
fection to the rest. 

Therefore take the matter seriously to heart. 
Live up to the advices and suggestions contained in 



298 CHRISTIAN POLITENESS. 

this little volume. Accustom yourselves, even if it 
costs trouble and self-conquest, to order and clean- 
liness, to a becoming deportment and refined man- 
ners; be calm and modesty self-sacrificing and gen- 
erous, obliging and considerate wherever you are, 
at school or college, at home and in church, in pub- 
lic and in the privacy of the family, and then your 
education may be considered perfect. Then you 
will be a consolation to the Church of which you 
are members, an honor to your family, the pride of 
youil parents, a model Christian, and you may look 
forward confidently to a bright future. 



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